Mama Said Knock You Out, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise

November 19, 2011 Martha Thomases 14 Comments

As a former hippie, free-love advocate, feminist and mom to someone who was once a ten-year-old boy,, I’ve been quite irate about the child-rape scandal at Penn State.  Recently, David Brooks of the New York Times said something remarkably stupid.  Specifically:

“You know, you spend 30 or 40 years muddying the moral waters here. We have lost our clear sense of what evil is, what sin is; and so, when people see things like that, they don’t have categories to put it into. They vaguely know it’s wrong, but they’ve been raised in a morality that says, “If it feels all right for you, it’s probably OK.”

I realize this was said during an interview, and that he probably hadn’t planned to say it.  Still, it contains so many unsourced generalizations that it’s not only false, it’s dangerous.  By blaming one set of people who, in my opinion, are not guilty, Brooks lets off the hook those who are truly responsible.

First of all, I don’t know who said, “If it feels all right for you, it’s probably OK.”  Maybe someone did, at some point in time, but I doubt such a statement occurred in a vacuum, and I doubt that it went unchallenged.  I do know people who say, “If it feels all right for consenting adults, it’s probably OK.”  That, however, is an entirely different statement.

A dear friend of mine was raped at the age of seven.  If my math is correct, this occurred in 1960, well before the Summer of Love.  And my friend has only been able to talk with me about it in the last several years.  I can only imagine the feelings of guilt and shame and worthlessness that resulted from this experience.

It was 30 or 40 years ago that so-called reasonable adults argued that rape was not a crime when it occurred within a marriage, that beating your wife was a “rule of thumb,” and that children were owned by their parents.  When I got married, I had to sign all sorts of papers just to keep my own name, and to insure that my personal, pre-marital assets remained my personal, post-marital assets.

This story and this story north demonstrate that child-sex abuse is not a new problem.  And it’s not a problem limited to the dirty fucking hippies.  The stories in the news involve men in positions of power in male-dominated organizations.  See also the Catholic Church, polygamous uber-Mormon cults, and fundamentalist Muslims, among others.  

I’m not saying that these are the only people who rape children.  I’m saying that these are the people who justify such behavior.  

The cantor at my synagogue was accused of molesting his nephew.  He was out of a job within a week, and arrested in the county in which the crime was alleged to have been committed.  

Pedophiles exist.  There probably isn’t a way to eliminate them from society entirely.  Instead, we have to guard our children and then, with luck, find ways for pedophiles to deal with their illness.

I’m glad to have a body.  I think having a body is a great thing.  I tried to teach my son that his body was there for him to enjoy, as long as he took proper care of it.  I taught him about condoms and drugs and all those other things that scare the Puritans in our midst.  And I taught him that he was a person, and he had rights, and he had people who would protect him from the bad guys.  

My hippie, feminist, progressive values demand that I consider a child more important than money or power or football games or social position.  I’m not saying that only hippie, feminist progressives believe this.  I’m saying that it’s important to look in the mirror before you start placing blame.  And if you lay a hand on my kid, you’re not getting it back.

Martha Thomases, Media Goddess, has had better weeks.