Goodbye Cruel World, by Michael Davis – Straight No Chaser #249

December 30, 2011 Michael Davis 7 Comments

In less than 48 hours it will be 2012.

In less than 48 hours we will begin the countdown to the end of the world.

As you know, the end of the world happens Dec. 2012. Because the end of the world is upon us I thought I’d take the time to write my goodbye note to everyone.

Dear everyone,

Well, this is goodbye.

I know it’s hard to believe that it’s over. It seems we just got here and now we are all going to die. Well, I for one don’t want to die without clearing some things up. I want all to know that before I died I grew as a human being.

It’s my growth as a person that allows me to now say; I really don’t think all conservatives are bad people. Really I don’t…look Amy, stop looking at me that way or I’ll never get through this (sniff)…I think that those on the Right believe what they believe and for them it works.

It’s end of the world so I take back every harsh thing I have ever said about the GOP, Republicans, The Tea Party, Mitt, Newt and Michelle. I don’t want to die with any hated in my heart…except maybe a little hated for Uncle Tom Herman and Grand Wizard Ron, fuck them.

Hopefully I will grow ( like FUCK I will) in the next 12 months to rid myself of those harsh feelings before the end of the world.

I want to make it clear to all my African American sisters that I DID love you. I did not prefer Asian women to you. All those times I mention my affection for Asian women it was NOT for lack of love or lust for you my Nubian Princess its because I went to public school and… I… just… can’t… spell!

Please understand my dear Lakeysha or is it La-Keysha…SHIT!

See?

If it’s two thing I know about Black women it’s one, don’t fuck up their name and two, don’t fuck up their hair. So, unless I met a ‘Pat’ I played it safe with Asian women because ‘Kim’ or ‘Su’ I could spell.

To the Asian women who have loved me despite my calling you all ‘Kim’ or more than likely simply ‘K for short (THAT I KNOW I could spell) know this, I loved you…long time.

To those haters who saw me as a loud, lucky, mofo. with little or no talent I say this…

You were right.

My growth as a person allows me to admit this, I was a loud, lucky motherfucker with no talent, and I get that now.

Hear me world, hear me now before I die…I, MICHAEL DAVIS AM A NO TALENT LOUD MOUTH MOTHERFUCKER!!!

YOU haters were RIGHT.

Wow. That felt good! I feel all liberated! I should have come to grips with that long ago. What the HELL was I thinking? Where on earth did I get in it in my head that I was all that?

All it took was the end of the world for me to see the haters were right about me.

Give that a second…

Moving on…

I’ve lived a good life. I know good people and it’s with those people I look forward to spending my last year on earth with.

I’m not afraid to die, well I kinda am but I feel MUCH better knowing EVERYONE else is going to die also. Tell the truth, doesn’t it make you feel a wee bit better knowing that you will not go alone into that deep goodnight?

It makes me feel better that’s for sure.

In fact the only thing that would make be feel any better about death is if everyone BUT me was doomed. Nah-that’s kind of morbid. That would not make me feel better at all now that I think of it and that sure does not show growth.

Perhaps if everyone was doomed except for me and a couple of girls (both named Kim) that would make me feel better. No-that would be selfish to be the last man on earth alone with two girls named K (sometimes I misspell Kim also I admit it. It’s the end of the world so why hide my faults?) I’d like to think I’ve grown enough to admit I’m a lousy speller even for easy words like fi…I mean if.

By God, I have grown!

It may be because I’m faced with my own mortality and that has given me the strength to show my growth but grow I have. I will NOT be selfish! I know now that I would not be happy being the last man on earth while everyone else is dead.

NO! I am better than that!

I know that I will not be happy being the only man left alive but with two girls named Koy..fuck…Kat…. named whatever, while everyone else was doomed to a fiery death.

That would NOT make me happy!

I HAVE grown! What would make me happy at the end of the world are two girls named, who gives a shit what their names are, a dog and me!

Yours truly,

Michael Davis

Master Of The Universe

P.S. Happy Last New Year!