Our Gay Ku Klux Klan, by Mike Gold – Brainiac On Banjo #256

January 2, 2012 Mike Gold 4 Comments

I realize that any criticism of the Catholic church and its leaders is generally perceived by all but the 88% of American Catholics who say they do not follow the letter of their church’s dogma as the babblings of an atheist / Jewish / Communist / bigoted / asshole / weirdo, but this time I am compelled to expose myself to the risk. I want to know what’s in that incense that has been burning at Chicago’s Holy Name Cathedral.

This is not a knock on Holy Name Cathedral. It’s a beautiful building in a ritzy neighborhood, and it might possibly be the only cathedral in the United States that was the site of a major mob shooting. That makes the joint cool. This is a knock on the guy who runs the place, Cardinal Francis George. And, yeah, by “knock” I don’t mean your standard heavy obsidian doorknocker. I mean wrecking ball.

A couple weeks ago, Cardinal George (I’m not being sarcastic; that is his name) bitched loudly that next summer’s Gay Pride Rally would “interfere” with the regular services at his Our Lady of Mount Carmel Church in the city’s Lakeview neighborhood. That neighborhood’s fairly trendy, in large part due to the fact that it long has been the Chicago gay community’s Mecca. So the organizers swiftly said, in effect, hey, fine, we’ll move the time so as to not inconvenience the parishioners, including those several hundred who don’t get ticketed despite their illegal parking to attend such services.

What George said to provoke the controversy was, and please note the quotation marks; it’s from an official church statement, “Organizers invited an obvious comparison to other groups who have historically attempted to stifle the religious freedom of the Catholic Church. One such organization is the Ku Klux Klan which, well into the 1940s, paraded through American cities not only to interfere with Catholic worship but also to demonstrate that Catholics stand outside of the American consensus. It is not a precedent anyone should want to emulate.”

Wait. What?

There’s been one sort of Gay Pride rally or another in Chicago since the year Gimmel. I believe I marched in my first Chicago Gay Pride rally in 1973 – that one was held in the Loop. So why this particular rally is an act of religious oppression this particular year begs the question “why now?” But, still, we can be charitable. After all, the Cardinal seems only human (a friend of mine who used to write speeches for one of George’s predecessors casts doubt on this) and he could make a mistake… particularly since the gay community accommodated him so swiftly and so completely.

Nope. No way. George went to Fox News  and said “You know, you don’t want the gay liberation movement to morph into something like the Ku Klux Klan, demonstrating in the streets against Catholicism. So I think if that’s what’s happening, and I don’t know that it is, but I would respect the local pastor’s, you know, position on that.” Ah, so the Cardinal just babbled out of ignorance. That admission might be a first.

Did I mention this interview aired on Christmas Day? Since the Catholics had it first, I want to thank them for educating me as to the true meaning of Christmas: naked bigotry. Do you think this clown George really meant it, or was he just shining up his boss, Pope Hitler Youth?

Perhaps George is onto something. The idea of a gay Ku Klux Klan would make for a wonderful Halloween parade. Big white pointy hats – I’m taking about standard-issue Klan-Kaps and not the Pope’s mitre – atop ripped marchers clad in nothing below the neck save for a rhinestone-studded white thong. I’d fly out for that one.

The gay community wants an apology. I’d say the gay community would have to wait until hell freezes over, but I believe that defeats the purpose of having a hell.

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Patriot, atheist, Jewish, Communist asshole and weirdo Mike Gold performs the weekly two-hour Weird Sounds Inside The Gold Mind ass-kicking rock, blues and blather radio show on The Point, www.getthepointradio.com, every Sunday at 7:00 PM Eastern, replayed three times during the week (check the website above for times) and available On Demand at the same place.