The Return! Green Lantern: New Guardians #4, by Marc Alan Fishman – Snarky Synopsis

January 15, 2012 Marc Fishman 2 Comments

Written by Tony Bedard
Art by Tyler Kirkham, Harvey Tolibao, and Batt

And now for a comic review that spews the abuse that you can’t refuse. I’m back, I’m mad, and I’m ready to tear another comic a new one. What fell onto my desk this week? Why it’s a book starring my favorite character, Kyle Rayner! And he’s the star of this title, no less! Green Lantern: New Guardians stars Rayner, and a gaggle of rainbow hued aliens on a quest to… well, they have to defeat the…so they’re about to… ok, I’ll be honest. We’re 4 issues into this car wreck, and I plain don’t have a clue what’s going on. GL:NG #4 is a continually shifting turd that I’ve tried to find a shred of love for, since it’s inception. Let’s dig in and figure out if amongst the peaks and valleys of dreck, if a loney rose grows, shall we?

The series starts with Kyle Rayner receiving every ring in the emotional spectrum… from rasberry red rage, to blueberry blue hope, and every color in between. And quickly thereafter, Fatality, the Orange Doop looking thing (that has a name but I don’t care to look it up), Arkillo, Saint Walker, Nok, and Bleez show up to fight for their jewerly. What ensued from there? Two issues of contructs, yelling, teleporting, more fighting, more yelling, the guardians, even more fighting, far more yelling, and then Kyle became the Rainbow Raider. For two seconds. Then Larfleeze showed up. Cause the orange potato that yells “Hee!” was a decoy. I think. Seriously, everyone. I’m college educated. I can follow complex plots without issue. I can gleen complex subtext. But GL:NG isn’t complex. It’s loud. It’s convoluted. And it’s terrible.

But enough about the series in general. Issue 4 picks up with Larfleeze revealed, on Oa. He and his pet Guardian Sayd attack the other Guardians. Why? Because he hates them still. I’m actually not sure. He says what every villain says (“The Guardians are a big threat!”), and proceeds to deluge the mighty midgets with his fiery constructs. Never mind that there’s not a shred of backstory here to explain how he has Sayd in his possession. Remember this is issue #4. And trust me, issues 1-3 didn’t cover whether Blackest Night, Brightest Day, or the Sinestro Corps war had occurred. So, I guess you just have to accept it on move on. Whilst Larfleeze has his fun, Kyle Rayner recovers from his overpowering (See last issue! Wait. Don’t!), and Ganthet pleads with him to calm down. Never mind that 2 issues ago he was lobotomized. Never mind that 1 issue ago he outright attacked Rayner. Lucky for us, Kyle read those issues too, and in a display of photoshoppery, blasts Ganthet back with a swirly multicolored beam (GASP!). The dialogue he shouts while doing this? “From now on I forge my own future!”

I’m stopping the recap now folks. I just can’t take it any more. Tony Bedard is better than this. I loved. L.O.V.E.D. his work on R.E.B.E.L.S… In fact, I believe I said at the time it was coming out, it was the most solid team book on the shelves. In GL:NG, Bedard lost every ounce of his subtlety, nuance, and care with this series. Every character in the book seems to have their character traits boiled down into an equation, and then churned out. And because the plot doesn’t take a second to breathe, everybody seems flat, lifeless, and jerked from point A to B to C. It’s a sly move. With no time to actually discuss what’s going on, nothing is believable. I’m not looking for Shakesperian pathos here kids. I just wanted someone, anyone to stop all the yelling, blasting, teleporting, blasting, yelling, shouting, punching, and gnashing long enough to ask the obvious questions. Just about the time that needs to happen, Bedard dusts off the Deus Ex Machina at the end. Seems a pocket universe has turned up, and now these strange bedfellows must unite to blah-blah-blah.

At very least, the book is pretty. Given nothing else to do but draw aliens blasting each other, Tyler Kirkham pencils a mean page. His figure work is varied, and kinetic. His inker and colorist do a fine job making sense of the constant barrage of plot points. I will note though that Fatality is drawn a bit too close to Carol Ferris’ Star Sapphire. For being a “black woman”, well, she’s just a cracker with a nice tan. And while I’m being picky, I’ll restate for the record that I think Kyle Rayner looked best in his 90’s era costume. Now he looks like a reject from 1998. Constant stubble, and a physique of Mr. Universe. I just wonder when a ring does most of your work for you, when you have time to do thrust squats at the gym. Lastly on my list of nitpicks? The “pocket universe” reveal at the end. Remember the solar system you built for the 3rd grade? Yeah. Good job.

Green Lantern: New Guardians #4 quelled any hope I had left for this budding series in DC’s new 52. It’s loud, brash, quick, and pointless. I gave this series a shot. Issue #4 couldn’t erase the mistakes of the first three, and because of it… I’m wiping my plate clean of this series. Where Kyle Rayner was once the entire reason I loved the DCU, making him the star of a book with D-listers doesn’t make his stock worth much. I suggest you #Occupy your time elsewhere, gentle readers.