Ain’t That a Shame, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise

March 10, 2012 Martha Thomases 5 Comments

When I was in high school, not only still a virgin but not even dating, I was prescribed birth control pills to regulate my periods.  The doctor who wrote the prescription was not only my pediatrician since I was four years old, but the father of a friend who had been in my class since kindergarten, as well as my Sunday School and Girl Scout troop.

Since I was in boarding school at the time, and we weren’t allowed to keep any medications in our rooms (because we might be using that aspirin to get high), I had to go to the infirmary every day.  It was an enormous hassle, and I was glad when the time came that I could stop the medication.

My condition was not life-threatening, but it was a real medical problem.

However, that’s not why I’m writing this particular column.  Over the past few weeks, as we’ve discussed the issue of health insurance plans that include birth control (for the latest wrinkle, see this), the right wants to argue that liberals are whores and sluts, while the left goes to great lengths to point out that there are non-contraceptive uses for The Pill.

I think this is the wrong tactic.  Women shouldn’t have to apologize for wanting to have sex.  Including – maybe especially – non-marital, non-procreative sex.

A few decades ago, I observed that the way misogynists use words required a translation.  For example, a bitch is a woman who doesn’t jump to obey when a man snaps his fingers.  A slut is a women who has sexual impulses independent of (not just responsive to) a man. And a dyke is a woman who expresses her own opinions and wears comfortable shoes.  Guess which names I’ve been called?  Guess which ones I strive for?

There is a nasty undercurrent of slut shaming in this argument we’re having about insurance, the assumption is that a woman who wants to have sex is a bad person.  Perhaps she is using sex to get money, to land a husband, a position of power, or all three.  Nowhere in our culture is there the acknowledgement that a woman can enjoy sex on its own merits, as part of a healthy and chosen lifestyle.

Men who sleep around don’t get called names.  No, they’re admired.  No one questions why they might want to have sex with as many others as they can.  It’s only women who get disparaged.  It’s only women who have to cover themselves in all the more conservative elements of the Abrahamic religions, whether it’s a chador or a wig or sleeves.  It’s only women who have to ride in the back of the bus, or on the other side of the sidewalk.

I understand why the patriarchal elements of our society are afraid.  A woman who can enjoy sexual satisfaction without risking the lifelong obligation of caring for a child might develop standards.  She might expect to have sexual partners who meet her needs.

This is not to disparage love, nor children.  My son is a joy, and he was very much wanted and planned.  Sex with love is a wonderful thing.  But so is sex with like.  So, sometimes, is sex alone.  Sex is like ice cream.  You probably have your favorite kind, but usually, whatever you’re having is the best because it’s the ice cream you’re having.

I deserve the option of including birth control in my insurance coverage (well, not right now, because my birthing days are over).  It’s my body, and ultimately, it’s my responsibility to take care of it.

Martha Thomases, Media Goddess, has learned to value quality over quantity.  That said, she still really likes quantity.