The Amazing Spider-Man #687 … Ends of the Earth, by Marc Alan Fishman – Snarky Synopsis | @MDWorld
June 18, 2012 Marc Fishman 0 Comments
Written by Dan Slott
Art by Stefano Caselli and Frank Martin Jr.
Welcome back friends and foes alike. I can hear your cranky retorts already. “Didn’t this lazy jerk already review Spider-Man… like a month ago?” … Yup. But my pull list this week included books I’ve also reviewed. Given that knowledge, combined with the fact that “Ends of the Earth” concluded with issue 687, I figured I’d go beyond just a single issue review—and leave some thoughts regarding the arc as a whole. See? Now it’s totally worth your time. And SPOILER ALERT, I’m not a happy camper like I was last time. Marc being pissy? Oh yeah, you’re in for a treat.
When I jumped head-first into Spider-Man, my expectations were fairly high. Reviewers across the net have been pretty kind to Dan Slott, and I personally loved some of his previous work. The first issue spared no second in ramping up the plot to Michael Bay scale, and as you all know… I liked it. At the time, I was just happy to be given the crash course in Spider-Land. But after 6 issues and a (complete waste of time, money, ink, and paper…) bonus ‘special’, I’m not all wine and roses. If anything, I’m vinegar and thorns. Issue 687 is so crammed full of fights, running around, monologuing, and screaming… I’m forced to ask why. Of course, I know the answer—Slott paced this book pathetically.
By the end of the first issue, ole Web-Head had donned a new slick armored costume (think Iron Spider, if it were designed by a bored John Romita, Jr.) to combat the Sinister Six. At the time of the first reveal? I thought it made enough sense. By the end of the series? You might as well just have charged $14.95 for the issue and packed in the damned action figure. For all the bells and whistles supposedly in the suit, Spider-Man never really unleashes anything he wouldn’t/couldn’t use as Spidey-Classic. While this seems awfully microscopic in nit-piks… I note overall that a pile of these gripes has grown into something significant. Ultimately, ‘Ends of the Earth’ is a series aimed smack dab at anyone 13 or younger. As a 30 year old? Color me unimpressed.
Slott’s plot plods through predictable beats, with only 1 “gotcha!” moment to be found. And given that the moment has nothing to do with Doctor Octopus in the least? It comes across as nothing more than a gag. Further more, Slott employs truly weak fighting logic. Get this… with a little bit of forethought, the Sinister Six are able to defeat the Avengers. The. Avengers. As the cover of #687 no doubt shows you… said Avengers are brought back for one of the 12 final fights in the series. Despite out-numbering Parker’s posers (his mission to save the world has him teaming up with the infinitely milquetoast Black Widow and Silver Sable) 3 to 1. Never mind that! With a little plot-hole-deus-ex-machina magic, Spider-Man and his Amazingly Worthless Friends are able to turn the tide. But I digress, I’m missing the larger picture here.
I mentioned in the first article that Slott’s dialogue can tend to lean towards the ham-fisted. I found it cute in the beginning of the series. By the last dialogue exchanges between Octavious and Parker though, I couldn’t supress my eye-rolls any longer. I actually had hipsters on the train taking notes on how “above it all” I was acting whilst reading the issue. The books within ‘Ends’ are paced so sporadically, it does a disservice to my series of articles on ComicMix—in which I defend modern comic book writing as being head and shoulders above older comics. Here, Slott’s inability to self-edit his cyclical inner-D&D plot leaves me tired, and utterly bored. I mean stop me if you’ve heard this one before. Threat. Response. Bigger threat. Super team-up. Double Cross by a villain. Mind-Controlled heroes. And breaking out of the death trap at the last possible second, through sheer force of will. Actual caption box dialogue here folks? “Forget the math, Parker! Forget what’s possible! Do this now!” Sigh. Frankly I was waiting for the twist, or the rub… something… anything to make this plot somehow new and unique. It never came.
As I invoked Kevin Smith in my last Spider-Review, here I recant. Smith is capable of taking the traditional and predictable tropes, and providing enough characterization to make one look past it. Go watch Jersey Girl. Slot proves he can’t do both at once. I know he can write great characters. Throughout the issues, he certainly hits many many beats well. But at the end of the day, it comes down to the story as a whole. As much as I’d like to spend another 500 words making up for all the hatespew I’ve vomited up tonight—I simply can’t muster the will to do so. If Slott can’t take the time to update the same team-up-and-win-at-all-costs-
Art wise, nothing much has changed. Stefano Caselli’s art is crispy, manga-inspired fun. While he can be a bit inconsistent with the level of deformation he applies to his characters, the book is never not-pretty. Action sequences never feel like they have decent weight to them, despite Caselli’s abundent attention to uniform destruction. And let it be said: whoever designed Doc Oc’s “Death-Coffin OctoBot Shell”, and gave him a makeover to land him somewhere closer to a Cenobite than a scientist… should be taken to school by Alan Kistler. The look is off putting, and frankly makes me think of Doctor Robotnik from Sonic the Hedgehog. And that’s not said with a wink and a nudge. Octopus looks terrible throughout the series. And by the end of it, where Caselli has loosened up a bit, the level of cartoonyness borders on the unpalatable. His figure work is top-notch though. Body language is a strong suit he plays well with throughout his tenure on the title. Suffice to say, the art in this case matched the story well enough to never make me feel as if the on-page product was ever sub-par.
So, at the end of the day, what’s the real verdict? Slott lost me by the end of the series. He took too long to make his point. His “big twist” was worthless. And in the end, Spider-Man won not through the use of his brilliant mind (as I’d hoped)…but with his inflated heart and sense of good. The book really ends up feeling like it’s targeting someone with far lower expectations than myself. That being said, Slott can turn a phrase with the best of them, and the art (while occasionally too sketchy-sloppy) is darned pretty to look at. I’m willing to let Slott have me for the next arc, so that I may see if the series can handle the aftermath with some intelligence. If I can have that, then consider the book (and my enjoyment of it) salvageable. In the mean time though? ‘Ends of the Earth’ is predictable schlock that sped up too fast, or slowed to a crawl… and overstayed its’ welcome by at least 3 issues. ‘Nuff said.