The World of Broken Hearts, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise | @MDWorld

June 9, 2012 Martha Thomases 17 Comments

This has been a bittersweet week for me.

I went to Book Expo America (BEA) for the first time without my husband, who introduced me to the annual publishing trade show in 1979.  I wasn’t snatching up pins and pens and doodads for our extensive collection of marketing ephemera.  I even walked away from a combination whistle/compass that promoted some guidebook or another.  I didn’t take pictures of the cover of this book, although it is hilarious.  There is no reason to have these things if they don’t bring a chuckle to the man I love.

(One publisher was handing out lip gloss.  That, I took.)

Because of the nature of these events, there are people I like — some who even live in the city, within a mile or two of my apartment — whom I only see once a year, at this event.  These people don’t know that John died.  I do not enjoy telling them, especially not in the crowded aisle of a convention center, when people loaded down with bags of books charge past, tote bags swinging, to try to get an autograph from James Patterson.

This was also the week I had to tell my shrink about my loss.  I only see him every two months, to get my prescriptions adjusted and renewed.  He, too, was stunned and sad to hear the news.  It is an honest and sincere response, and I’m sick of it.

In college, I took a class on death and dying.  We read Kubler-Ross.  We visited a funeral home.  I lost a friend to cancer at 19.  I lost my mother to cancer when I was 27.  I lost another friend at 31.  The list goes on and on.

I thought I knew what grief was.  But I didn’t because one can’t.  Every day, there is new territory to explore.

For example, I considered writing about the recall election in Wisconsin.  I have some opinions (and even a few jokes) on the subject.  However, if anyone commented with some criticism of labor unions, I would have remembered John’s passionate sentiments on the subject, and his grandfather who worked in the coal mines.  I would have had to go nuclear.

Therefore, I have no jokes this week.  At least not by deadline.  Next week, I’ll try again.

In the meantime.  fuck cancer.

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Martha Thomases, Media Goddess, thinks that if you’re looking for something fun to do, you could do worse than go here.