Uncle Tom, by Michael Davis – Straight No Chaser #272 | @MDWorld

June 22, 2012 Michael Davis 0 Comments

I’m a pussy.

Well, sometimes I’m a pussy, and by pussy I mean that sometimes I’m just…a pussy. Look, I know I talk a lot of smack. I know I say stuff like, “I’ll put my foot up so and so’s ass” or “so and so can kiss my ass” or “fuck so and so.” I know I write from an angry place sometime.

I’ve said a million times that there is a pain that drives me. Captain Kirk said it best when he said; “I need my pain!”

That’s me in a nutshell. I need my pain. I welcome my pain. I want my pain.

Why?

Because I’ve seen so much death and injustice in my life that I want to be reminded at all times of what I think is important and embracing my pain helps me do so. Yes, I’m aware I have issue. Hell, I have long boxes…yeah, ripped that right from Comicmix.

So, I rant and rant with proclamations that, more often than not, take a hard line stance and use words that leave no room for compromise. The object of my ire is regularly the GOP, their Far Right fringe and it’s actions.

But…

I’m a pussy.

I talk a great big “fuck you” game when it comes to how fucked up I think those on the far Right are, and I mean it, I really do.

But…

I’m a pussy.

Why am I a pussy?

Because if I were as hardcore as I appear to be when I write my fire-and-brimstone articles, I would not give a damn what anyone thinks about what I write.

But I do give a damn. I give a damn because friends of mine, real friends are NOT the enemy. They are members of the GOP and they are not the kind of people I write about. They are not heartless, they are not racist.They are actually very cool people whom I happen to disagree with on some issues. I’ve addressed this before, but I feel I need to address it again. Why? Because I’m a pussy…and I had my feelings hurt last week.

I’m a two hundred pound six foot two inch Black man and last week I had my feelings hurt.

Yep, pussy.

For the record (again), I do NOT think that everyone in the GOP is a racist. I have friends that belong to the GOP. They are good people and even more than that they are good Americans. Last week I got an email from a dear friend who’s on the Right and also happens to be the editor on a couple of books I’m writing.  He sent me an email and in that email he was concerned that I was attacking him personally to the point where it looked like he and I could not work together.

That hurt my feeling.

See? Pussy.

How the fuck does a fire and brimstone liberal end up having his feelings hurt by a conservative?

I’ll tell you how, I’m a pussy that ‘s how.

I’m writing two books for a publishing company and my dear friend is the editor. His name is Tom. Tom is cool as shit. How cool? He’s on the Right and I’m on the Left yet we find common ground in most everything we talk about, and I like talking to Tom as much or more than I like talking to anyone. He’s so darn cool that he knew I would get the joke when he signed one of his emails-Uncle Tom.

That’s pretty darn cool.

I think the last time I had my feelings hurt was when Denise Beatty broke up with me in the 7th grade. Damn-that hurt. By and large adults don’t get their feelings hurt. Nope, adults get “offended” or “put off” or some other bullshit description that befits our status as adults. When Denise Beatty told me in front of J.H.S. 198 in Rockaway Queens, “It’s quits” that hurt my feelings.

When Tom wrote me expressing concern that I was perhaps attacking him in a chapter I wrote and suggested that I may want to work with another editor, I felt like I was back in front of J.H.S.198 and Tom was breaking up with me. I was not offended nor was I put off.

My feelings were hurt.

It turns out that there was a misunderstanding as to what Tom was referring to. I called Tom (which in hindsight is what I should have done with Denise. But she broke up with me in front of half the school and it was freakin’ humiliating so I did the only thing I could do to protect my non-existent cool status: I said “I quit you last week.” No one believed me and I walked home to the sound of middle school laughter…again) and he and I had a good man-to-man talk.

Wow, look at that. I’m on the Left, Tom’s on the Right, he expresses concern, we talk and we work things out.

Is that not the way our government is supposed to work? I’ll just leave that at that.

Tom-I love you man. Yes-in a non-Brokeback way, but love is love. I look forward to a long relationship with you (non-you-know-what) both professionally and, more important, personally.

Denise, if by some miracle you are reading this, I have but one overused movie quote for you, albeit slightly altered, “Denise, I wish I could have quit you…FIRST!”