The Great American Dummy, by Mike Gold – Brainiac On Banjo #281 | @MDWorld
July 2, 2012 Mike Gold 14 Comments
There are two types of dummies. One is the wooden kind most famously represented by Charlie McCarthy, although my personal favorite is Señor Wences’ disembodied pal Pedro. The second is of the vernacular kind: a person of significant stupidity.
According to a Gallup Poll released early last week, only 34% of Americans identify President Barack Obama as a Christian. 44% of Americans polled can’t name Obama’s religion at all. Although I don’t consider that necessarily bad – his religious views shouldn’t matter in a society that gives lip service to religious freedom – I doubt this is because the public doesn’t care. We have been consistently assaulted by the “issue” of Obama’s faith.
I know you’ve been waiting for this for the entire previous paragraph, so here it is. It’s 11%. One out of every nine Americans.
Yes, 11% of those polled by the Gallop organization believe Barack Obama is Muslim. Even my mother knows he’s Christian, and she’s: a) Jewish, b) 96-years old, c) deaf, and d) suffering from dementia. In a genuine Captain Renault moment, this poll noted most of those who say Obama is Muslim are Republicans. One in five Republicans are idiots – with respect to this topic.
I do not believe Gallop asked these people if they believe Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Pastor Emeritus of Trinity United Church of Christ, is a Muslim. You might recall that Reverend Wright was taken to the carpet for views that many found to be un-American, particularly when shown out of context. Obama is a member of the Trinity United Church of Christ, which is the largest church affiliated with the predominantly white United Church of Christ. Trinity has 10,000 congregants of all races, and it actually positioned itself as a counterweight to the growing influence of the black Muslims in the Midwest.
I’m not sure what Obama could do to convince that 44% of his Christianity, short of undergoing medical procedures that have been commonly associated with Michael Jackson. I suspect a majority of Americans would prefer a president with a real nose.
Maybe Barack should shoot a commercial. Kevin Smith could direct it. “Hi, this is Barack Obama for Jesus Christ. If you’re walking alone, perhaps you might want to accept Jesus as your friend. If you’re driving alone, you certainly should accept Jesus as your friend. And if you act today, we’ll send you this great Jesus dashboard figure – his eyes continuously follow the oncoming traffic!”
At the close of his act, Señor Wences asked Pedro “S’awright?” Pedro would answer “S’awriiight!”
Ahh, Pedro. He was only a dummy for a living. 44% of Americans might as well have disembodied heads.
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Mike Gold takes great comfort in the fact that the southwest corner of 52nd and Broadway, near The Ed Sullivan Theater, is named “Señor Wences Way.” Gold performs the weekly two-hour Weird Sounds Inside The Gold Mind ass-kicking rock, blues and blather radio show on The Point, www.getthepointradio.com , every Sunday at 7:00 PM Eastern, rebroadcast three times during the week (check the website above for times) and available On Demand at the same place, so listen to it already! He also joins Martha Thomases and Michael Davis as a weekly columnist at www.comicmix.com where he pontificates on matters of four-color.
R. Maheras
July 9, 2012 - 10:17 pm
I don’t know how much Civil War material I’ve read over the years, and fundamentally that’s EXACTLY what it was all about. There were some side issues, but the major reason revolved around religion-driven argument about the morality of slavery.
Was a moral issue worth all the death and destruction? You tell me. Lincoln obviously thought it was worth it — so much so that letting the Republic divide itself while letting slavery continue was simply not an option to him — even though it would have prevented a bloody and costly war.
One could make your same argument about World War II. If England had simply acquiesced to Germany, and we ignored Japan’s rape of China and subjugation of much of the Pacific, war would have been averted and the loss of life would have been tens of millions less.
When is a war “worth it,” morally? There is no easy answer — especially to the families of the dead military members and dead civilians caught in the middle.
George Haberberger
July 10, 2012 - 9:07 am
“Yeah, I know. Christians in general and Catholics in particular get bent all out of shape when somebody reveals the truth about Hitler’s Christianity. These people are what we who have actually read Mein Kampf and Hitler’s various speeches called “motherfucking liars.”
I know I’m jumping in here a little late, (sorry, I have a life), but I’ve been reading Eric Metaxas’ biography of Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Bonhoeffer was Lutheran minister in Germany who was involved in a plot to kill Hitler.
Here is a quote from the book: “It’s been our misfortune to have the wrong religion. Why didn’t we have the religion of the Japanese, who regard sacrifice for the Fatherland as the highest good? The Mohammedan religion too would have been much more compatible to us than Christianity. Why did it have to be Christianity with it’s meekness and flabbiness?”— Adolf Hilter.
George Haberberger
July 10, 2012 - 1:35 pm
That is the truth about Hitler’s Christianity so don’t get all bent out of shape.
Mike Gold
July 10, 2012 - 4:58 pm
Russ, you’re not helping tamp down my faith-based cynicism.
Mike Gold
July 10, 2012 - 5:01 pm
George, I forgive you for having a life. When you get a moment, let us know what that’s like!
I’m not bent out of shape that Hitler evidently took issue with a Christian concept or two. Lots of Christians do.
I say “evidently,” because some of the quotes attributed to Herr Hitler were created well after his death. Some make it into history books. Including one of mine, devised around 1969. Hey, I kid Hitler…
George Haberberger
July 11, 2012 - 7:25 am
“I’m not bent out of shape that Hitler evidently took issue with a Christian concept or two. Lots of Christians do. I say “evidently,” because some of the quotes attributed to Herr Hitler were created well after his death.”
So any evidence that Hitler despised Christianity is suspect and fabricated but millions of deaths attributed to Mao and other communist regimes has nothing to do with atheism. Got it.
For the record, the quote I cited comes from “‘Inside the Third Reich’” Memoirs from Albert Speer”, translated by Richard Winston and Clara Winston published in 1970 by Macmillan, pages 114-115. This is according to the copious notes in Eric Metaxas’ New York Times bestseller, Bonhoeffer published by Thomas Nelson, publishers since 1798.
Also from Metaxas’ book, “Hitler’s attitude toward Christianity was that it was a great heap of mystical out-of-date nonsense.” There you go Mike, something you and Herr Hitler have in common.
R. Maheras
July 11, 2012 - 8:50 am
Mike — If you’re looking for a scientific, calculated reason things like the Civil War were fought, you’re not going to find it. Lincoln’s actions were based on moral convictions rooted firmly in his faith — and Lincoln was a deeply religious man.
In retrospect, the fact that the results of that horrific war were a net positive for humanity can’t be denied — even by a cynic, one would think.
The Crusades, and the various inquisitions, not so much.
😉
Mike Gold
July 11, 2012 - 2:06 pm
George: Apples are red or green, oranges are orange. If apples were one color, we’d call that color apple.
I don’t think Christianity is out-of-date, and nonsense implies whimsy. Christianity provides aid and comfort to many. That’s cool. But I’m totally understanding of those who believe it to be a threat. As long as it’s not in my face (and good luck with THAT, Mike), I don’t care.
Herr Hitler and I have many things in common. As I stated above, I’ve put words in his dead mouth and I’m rather childishly proud of that. We both like children. We both like dogs. We both like women. (Don’t go nuts about the order of all that, kids; this is stream-of-unconsciousness). I like his sense of art direction, which is also something I share with Ayn Rand.
But let’s face it: the Volkswagen sucked then, and it sucks now.
Oh, and murdering all those people sucked too. Something Hitler had in common with Chairman Mao… although at least Hitler bathed.
Mike Gold
July 11, 2012 - 2:11 pm
Russ, I agree with you but with one caveat: the end of slavery was certainly an improvement for the black American and it couldn’t come fast enough, but trade conditions and the industrial revolution would have brought an end to slavery anyway, and probably within a decade. A small difference, and of course it’s impossible to weigh the deaths of some 700,000 Americans and Southerners against the Emancipation Proclamation. I minimize neither.
But the South did have the right to leave the Union.
Rick Oliver
July 11, 2012 - 8:03 pm
There is little or no evidence that Lincoln was “deeply religious”. Although he was fond of quoting scripture, he never made any public profession of faith in any particular religion. Several biographies by people who actually knew him described his religious beliefs as deist or agnostic. But we’ll never really know, since Lincoln clearly felt it was none of our business.
Rene
July 12, 2012 - 5:39 am
Isn’t this a little childish?
“Oh, religion must be a good thing, because the Founding Fathers were religious!” “Oh, religion is awful, because Hitler was religious!”
I think it’s safe to say that the Founding Fathers were NOT modern day Evangelicals, despite what Sarah Palin may have said. And the same could be said of Hitler, despite what some in the Left may have said.
So, if you want/don’t want to be a Christian, then so be it. It doesn’t make sense to invocke historical personages to justify your choice.
Rick Oliver
July 12, 2012 - 7:55 am
For the most part, the founders (and Lincoln) kept their religion to themselves and out of politics. Ah, those were the days.
Mike Gold
July 12, 2012 - 10:41 am
Didn’t say religion is awful because Hitler was religious (at least through childhood). I said some Christians like to disavow born-once-at-least Christians such as Hitler and Stalin, branding them “not real Christians.” That’s a pretty convenient excuse, and it disgusts me. All those thousands of murders who have been executed for their crimes who were Christians and had a priest or minister walk ’em to their deaths… they weren’t Christians?
Well, maybe not at the TIME of their act(s).
You know, the insanity defense.
George Haberberger
July 13, 2012 - 10:29 am
HItler may have been a Christian as a child but as the quotes I’ve supplied indicate, he… strayed.
And murderers are not necessarily not Christians because of their crimes. They are, as are the vast majority, (all?) Christians, sinners. You’re a Christian if you want to be and accept the precepts. I would say a Christian murderer is a bad Christian but still a Christian. If you’re just pretending for whatever reason, politics, power, family reunions, then no.
Disavowing Hitler in not a “convenient’ excuse. He intended to use Christianity to advance his own power but did not accept the belief system. That’s not being a bad Christian, that;s not being a Christian at all.
Mike Gold
July 13, 2012 - 11:41 am
Jesus, you guys got a double-think to beat the band.
And 64 comments over 11 days and not a single one about Señor Wences? What’s up with that? The man is a legend, for crying out loud. Performed up to his 100th birthday (almost), lived to 103. Each and every human being with at least one hand is just a couple marker strokes away from Johnny. C’mon… this man was a god!
George Haberberger
July 13, 2012 - 12:42 pm
I’d bet that Señor Wences was a Christian. Happy now?
Mike Gold
July 13, 2012 - 1:02 pm
And what about Pedro?
Mike Gold
July 13, 2012 - 2:45 pm
Thank you, Steve!
Mike Gold
July 15, 2012 - 11:35 am
S’Awriiight.