Sex and the Single-Minded Republican, by Mike Gold – Brainiac On Banjo #289 | @MDWorld

August 27, 2012 Mike Gold 12 Comments

Contributing to an e-mail list discussion that sprouted from Todd Akin’s pro-rape babbling, my dear friend, mystery-writer Elaine Viets (hi, Elaine!) added the tale of Republican State Senator from Tennessee Stacey Campfield.

Last week Sen. Campfield told SiriusXM host Michelangelo Signorile “Most people realize that AIDS came from the homosexual community… It was one guy screwing a monkey, if I recall correctly, and then having sex with men. It was an airline pilot, if I recall… My understanding is that it is virtually – not completely, but virtually – impossible to contract AIDS through heterosexual sex.” And the hits just keep on coming.

This occurred in 2012 and not in 1985. We know a hell of a lot more about AIDS today then we did when the story broke, and if there’s one thing we do know, it’s that Tennessee Republican State Senator Campfield is a dangerous idiot.

Sadly, he is not alone. In fact, Campfield and Akin’s fellow travellers would fill Yankee Stadium, if they would deign to go to America’s mecca of sin, New York City.

Remember Rick Santorum moneyman Foster Friess? Earlier this year he told NBC’s Andrea Mitchell about how Bayer aspirin is a most effective form of birth control. He retroactively redefined this as a hilarious joke. Even if it was, that would make Friess look all the worse – but today’s Republican Party is incapable of understanding that.

Seeing as how I invoked the name Rick Santorum, can we all have a solemn moment of appreciation for his belief that gay marriage leads to bestiality? We should honor the classics. I, for one, appreciate the Three Stooges. Not that I would vote for them.

Elaine, bless her soul, also passed along the story of recent Missouri Republican candidate for Senate Mark Lodes. Lodes tweets the word cunt as though he were channeling George Carlin without the intelligent bits. He certainly likes the word – as opposed to the vehicle owner, for which he has little respect. In response to a tweet about how abortion is a woman’s issue and how men don’t get pregnant, Lodes stated “Cunt of the day: do you understand where babies come from? I used my dick to inject sperm into her.”

Ah yes. That’s why they call it “making love.”

Lodes quickly defined his terminology: “When you are cunt of the day, you are a very special kind of cunt… When you are cunt of the day, you aren’t just any old cunt.” He also enjoys using Rush Limbaugh’s line comparing pro-choice women to Nazis. This is the guy who lost to Todd Akin. It’s nice to know the Show-Me State Republicans have some standards.

There are – hopefully, were – lots of people who believed a woman or child could not get pregnant if raped. There are lots of people who believe a virgin couldn’t get pregnant on her cherry-busting adventure. Or menstruating women can’t get pregnant. Or withdrawal is an adequate method of conception. And so on, ad infinitum.

Here’s the real scary part. It’s possible these stupid fools could take over this great nation. Doctor Romney, Doctor Ryan, Doctor Torquemada…

Sexual Agent Provocateur Mike Gold performs the weekly two-hour Weird Sounds Inside The Gold Mind ass-kicking rock, blues and blather radio show on The Point, www.getthepointradio.com , every Sunday at 7:00 PM Eastern, rebroadcast three times during the week (check the website above for times) and available On Demand at the same place. He also joins Martha Thomases and Michael Davis as a weekly columnist at www.comicmix.com where he pontificates on matters of four-color.