A Nigger in Paris, by Michael Davis – Straight No Chaser #285 | @MDWorld

September 28, 2012 Michael Davis 7 Comments

I’m going to Paris tomorrow and I hate the French. I’m getting on a 13-hour flight and I hate to fly.

Why am I going to Paris when I hate the French? Why am I flying for 13 hours when I hate to fly?

I’d tell you, but I don’t want to brag or jinx the very reason I’m dealing with two things I’d rather not do. Yes, I’m a firm believer in “jinxing” shit.

Really.

You may or may not remember, but sometime back I wrote a column called I Hope I Get It. I was very excited about a project, and I wrote about it without mentioning what the project was. When I wrote that article, I was still be bit hesitant about posting it because I was afraid I would jinx the project. But then I said to myself, “Self, there is no such thing as a jinx!”

The project was a DREAM project. That dream project was to design, write, and oversee a Michael Jackson video game. Everyone knows I’m a Michael Jackson WHORE.

I wanted that deal.

I HAD that deal.

I wrote about that deal.

The deal FUCKING WENT AWAY!!!!!!!!!!

So, yes, I know that there is no such thing as a jinx. I know that’s just bullshit, but I don’t care. I’m not saying anything about why the fuck I’m going to Paris, because THIS time I’m following my gut.

Yes, I’ve told some people why I’m going to Paris, but that in no way puts into the universe my desire over whether something may or may not work out. Hey, that may not make sense to you, but it makes perfect sense to me, and frankly that’s all that matters when you have the “jinx” illness as I do.

By the way–”Niggers in Paris” is the title of a Kanye West & Jay Z song, and if I get any shit from any American-hating French motherfuckers, that’s exactly what I’m going to be.

So, off I go to Paris. Before you think that I must be a first class DICK not to be excited about going to France, I’ll tell you this: I am looking forward to something regarding my Paris trip…coming the fuck home.