Paris Blues, by Michael Davis – Straight No Chaser #287 | @MDWorld

October 11, 2012 Michael Davis 1 Comment

This is my last night in Paris.

I can’t wait to get back home, but I’m sad to leave Paris.

I’ve never, and I mean never, wanted to extend a trip, no matter where I was or why I was there. I am, for lack of any other word, a freakin’ homebody. I like being home. I like being by myself in my office or studio.

I like solitude, and I like it at my home. Period.

I completely forgot that I posted an article last week, and I didn’t notice until today. Paris is 9 hours ahead, and the 10 plus hours it took to get here screwed up my inner clock but good.

In the article I wrote before last week’s, I expressed a less-than-enthusiastic outlook about my pending Paris trip. I also may have mentioned that I was not a fan of the French.

Truth be told, I hated the French like I hate Mitt Romney and that punk ass, lying-bitch-of-a-running mate of his.

I wrote about the reason I hate the French in my Comicmix article, but long story short, some French motherfucker pissed me off some time ago and I held a grudge.

Now, if my assistant is on his game, he will post my Comicmix article about Paris here after I send him this [Assistant’s note: I’m on my game.]. If he is not on his game, and you don’t see the link and happen to want to work for a crazed-yet-really-well-connected Master Of The Universe, then send your resume to: motu@michaeldavisworld.com.

If you happen to be a drop dead gorgeous Asian girl with no skills whatsoever, consider yourself hired. I will train…hehehehehe…evil laugh.

Now, regarding Paris, I was wrong.

I love it here.

Love the people, love the city, love the fact there are about a zillion Asian girls here that speak French.

Really. It’s like I died and went to Asian-porn-with-a-twist Heaven.

I’m going to come back to this city. I’m coming back just to write. I’m coming back just because I have never, ever been in a place where I felt more creative than I feel now.

I’ve been inspired.

I’ve been moved, and like I said, I’ve been wrong about the place and the people. I stand corrected, and I’ve officially moved the sights of my Death Ray off of France.

This city runs like clockwork. The subways are just as massive as my beloved New York City’s, but much more efficient. I could really get used to this. But where would I be without all of you, and more importantly, where would all of you be without me?

I know, it hurts just to think about Michael Davis moving from the States. Worry not my friends, I’m staying put. For one thing, I love the good old US of A, and for another thing, the bacon here SUCKS. I mean SUCKS with a capital SUCK.

Also, these mofo’s speak French, and that can be a bit annoying after a while if you know what I mean. I can’t tell you how many times I had to bite my tongue so I would not scream “Speak english motherfucker! That’s the least you can do for the country that saved your ass during the big one! I mean, really!”

There were a few times like that when I felt a bit put off by the lack of attention being paid to my needs, but every time I got to a point where I was about to blow up, some hot ass Asian chick would look at me and say “Hello, you sexy Black man.” Or she could have been saying “Stop following me.” How would I know?  They were speaking French, and frankly the look on their faces could have gone either way.

So, here I sit in my hotel room drinking red wine for the last time in Paris. Actually, it’s also for the first time because I don’t drink wine, but it’s hard as fuck to find tequila in this city, yet another reason I’m staying put in the States.

The next time you read my words of wisdom, they will be written from LA, the City of Angels. Or as I refer to it, Lower Alabama.

Viva La France!