So Like Candy, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise | @MDWorld

October 27, 2012 Martha Thomases 4 Comments

My husband had a very specific moral code when it came to Halloween candy.  He hated the so-called “fun size” pieces. He wanted to give away full, complete, whole candy bars.   He thought the little bitty things were a cheat.

And so, he would buy our supply in early September.  This was a hardship for me, because it meant there was chocolate in the house.  We argued about it.  To appease me, for the last several years, he would hide it.

Halloween is a big deal for us.  We live in Manhattan’s West Village, where it is pretty much a religious celebration.  As the birthplace of the modern GLBTQ movement (see Stonewall Inn) and a prized public school district, we adore a holiday dedicated to dressing up in costumes and scaring the neighbors.  When my son was little, I made his costumes almost every year, until he was old enough to make his own.  I love it when the neighborhood kids ring my doorbell, and I get to see their get-ups. 

Sometimes, I would get a mask, and then I would open the door and be scary.  It’s something I learned from my parents.  My dad would come with us when we went trick’r’treating, wearing a monster mask, and the frightened boy from up the street, seeing us, would yell, “I know you!  You’re Irwin!”

Last year, we pretty much missed the fun.  John was in the hospital, and we still didn’t know what was wrong with him, although we hoped it was pneumonia.  I had to put the candy outside my door.

According to all evidence, the kids found it.  There was nothing but an empty bowl when I cam home.

I was late getting candy this year, and, hence, I found out why John always shopped so early.  He didn’t do it to torture me, although that was probably a fun side-effect for him.  It is virtually impossible to buy packages of full-sized candy bars after the Back-to-School season ends.  One can get huge sacks of what we used to call “penny candy,” (those were the days), but that’s what John considered to be chintzy.

I was able to find packages of full-size Snickers (which happen to be his favorite candy bar).  After that, I was stuck.  So I bought way more smaller pieces than I should need, and will let the kids take as much as their hands can hold.

Stephen King has said that we tell ghost stories because they are basically optimistic.  Even the most frightening haunted house contains the souls of people someone loved.  And so, I wish you a haunted Halloween.

And as much chocolate as you can handle.

Media Goddess Martha Thomases requests that you admire her bowl of candy above, and reassure her it is no disgrace.