Facebook Friends? Me? GETTHEFUCKOUTOFHERE! by Michael Davis – Straight No Chaser #307 | @MDWorld

March 22, 2013 Michael Davis 15 Comments

There are some people I haven’t seen in years. Some of those people were just acquaintances, and now those people have become real friends because, of all things, Facebook.

Case in point, Larry Hama.

I met Larry a zillion years ago at Marvel Comics. To me Larry seemed like one of those guys you simply didn’t fuck with, so I didn’t, and I fucked with everybody back then.

We would have brief and forgetful exchanges at industry parties or in the Marvel elevator, but friends we were not. Since Larry and I reconnected on Facebook, I feel he and I have become real friends.

I define real friends like this: if I care about what goes on in your life, you are a friend of mine. Recently it looked like a movie studio was about to disrespect Larry’s work. Disrespect, as in making a movie that simply could not have been made without Larry Hama and not giving Larry his due.

The studio has since had a change of heart. I was right — you don’t fuck with Larry Hama.

I came kicking and screaming to Facebook, but I love it!

I love it because I can connect with like-minded friends like Alan Burnett or make friends with not so like-minded people like Damon Henrichs, or engage in a debate with old friends like Billy Tucci.

I’ve reconnected with old girlfriends, relived wonderful memories with my high school family (yes my high school peeps are my family), found old friends I hated losing touch with like Barbara Kaalberg, and feel more connected than ever to people I hate not seeing more often like Maggie Thompson, Missy Geppi, Mike Baron, and my brother from another mother David Quinn.

I’ve been turned on to new books, music, and artists from my Facebook pals. That’s important because I’m SO not one to give a fuck about anything new unless it comes from people I trust, and I trust my friends on Facebook.

My Facebook experience did not happen simply because I joined Facebook.

Nope.

It happened because I treat access to my Facebook page like Studio 54 treated entry into its doors.

It’s exclusive.

Only three ways you get into my Facebook club.

1. I know you.

2. I respect you.

3. Someone I know knows and respects you.

Every so often I “friend” someone who writes me a very cool email and I have no idea who they are — it’s rare but it happens. Even rarer is having someone show up on the ‘mutual friend’ space and I friend them.

I’m not being a snob, but having 5000 friends and only knowing 7 is just fucking crazy to me. I’m too anal and too paranoid to just “friend” any motherfucker who sends me a request.

Yeah, some people may think that makes me a dick, but they are wrong.

That makes me a big black dick —  get that shit straight.

Look on the bright side: if you are reading this because I posted it on Facebook, you have made it pass the red velvet ropes and have VIP access to all things Master Of The Universe.

If you are reading this on MDW and are not my friend on Facebook, chances are I’d let you in also. I mean, why wouldn’t I? You are on my website reading my rants and I respect that, even if you don’t agree with me.

Lastly, if you are a hot Asian chick and I don’t know you, and I don’t know anyone that knows you — I’m sorry, but I cannot let you in either.

You all thought there was a joke coming there, didn’t you? You thought I was going to let them in because I do so love me some Asian chicks.

Hey, I told you motherfuckers my shit is exclusive. Now you know just how exclusive.