I See The Future, by Michael Davis – Straight No Chaser #310 | @MDWorld

May 9, 2013 Michael Davis 1 Comment

I see the future.

I do.

There is no joke coming — I’m serious when I say I see the future. I have an uncanny knack for predicting events with keen accuracy weeks, months, or years before they happen.

I’m not clairvoyant. I don’t get visions, and unless you are a hot Asian girl, I don’t read palms.

I predict the future because I understand human nature, human behavior, and the human condition.

I’m almost scary when it comes to foreseeing events.

Consider the following: when Disney bought Marvel, Denys Cowan called me and asked if I heard the news. I said, “Yep. Paul Levitz is out of a job.” Denys said, “Disney brought Marvel, not DC.” I then explained to my best friend that the Disney move would change the way Time Warner looks at DC Comics, and that means two things: Paul is out and DC will open offices in L.A.

A few weeks later, Denys called me and asked me “How the fuck do you do that?” meaning how do I consistently predict events. Paul was out, and guess what comic book company have these new badass, and I do mean badass, offices in L.A.?

Here’s a hint: their initials are DC.

Denys has been my best friend for many years, and in that time I’ve shared many a prediction with him, but he’s always amazed at my “power.”

What I do is simple to explain but difficult to do. I look at a situation, consider the people, environments, and occurrences that lead to the moment in question, and from that I predict what would be the most likely outcome.

One more example — a full year before the network announcement was made I predicted (in a Comicmix article) that the soap All My Children (AMC) would be cancelled.

Up until the moment ABC announced the cancellation, AMC was looked at as untouchable, like how The Tonight Show or Saturday Night Live both are seen as television gods and the thought of either of them being cancelled is laughable at best. Laughed is what some of my fellow AMC friends did to me when I predicted AMC would sleep with the fishes.

As I was fond of saying to my students who dared to laugh at my advice from time to time…

Who’s laughing now?

Rarely am I wrong, and 99.9 % of the time I am wrong, it’s because something is missing from the information I was working with.

More than a year ago Denys and I were talking about a project. I predicted some people would be problematic to the venture, and we should have a plan to deal with them in advance.

I predicted exactly what they would do and how they would do it.

The project is almost ready to roll and because of that, last week those people did exactly what I predicted they would do last year.

Those people have no fucking clue. I’d KILL to be a fly on the wall when they get the news their plans were killed over a year ago.

Dead and buried, all that’s left is to tell the corpses.