It’s Not The End Of The World…Or Is It? by Michael Davis – Straight No Chaser #313
May 31, 2013 Michael Davis 1 Comment
I spent a good part of the day nuking parts of the United States of America.
Really.
I’m researching the consequences of nuclear war for the apocalyptic novel I’m writing. The book is called White Winter, Black Night — it will be published by Simon & Schuster in 2014…
SHAMELESS PLUG!!!!!
While doing said research, I came across this badass website where you can select a city, state, or get this, an address to nuke.
Yep, pick a destination, press “click here to detonate,” and you can see what kind of damage you can do.
I nuked a couple of ex-girlfriends’ homes, but for the most part I dropped my nukes on a whole lot of cities and states.
Among them:
Alabama
Georgia
Mississippi
South Carolina
Louisiana
Texas
Virginia
Tennessee
North Carolina
Arizona…15 times
“Among them” is really not the best way to describe my nuclear attack targets — “them” would be more accurate, as the list above was the list. No, it was not my intention to spend so much time nuking these completely random, have-nothing-to-do-with-how-they-treat-people-of-color states, but I hit a writer’s block and the website was so much fun.
I hesitated to nuke Texas, one of the great loves of my life lives there, Donna, as does my boys Shane and Damon and my girl Amy, but since it was a completely random choice, I had no choice when nuking the state. It had NOTHING to do with the governor of the state owning a ranch named “Niggerhead” — nope, nothing whatsoever to do with that.
Really.
REALLY!
OK, I did nuke Arizona 15 times, and yes, that was on purpose. Why? Because it’s fucking racist-ass Arizona. Guess what? It wasn’t just 15 times; it was more, much more. How much more? I don’t know, I fucking lost count after 200.
Damn it Jim, I’m an artist, not a mathematician!
Nuking these places got me wondering; just how easy would it be to get a hold of an atomic bomb? That, most likely, would be a wee bit difficult. Then I started thinking, how hard could it be to build an atomic bomb? The plans are on the Internet, so just how hard could it be?
Well for me, hard.
Even if I could get my hands on the uranium and plutonium, and God knows what else I would need, I have trouble putting together an IKEA bookcase. So how the fuck could I build an atomic bomb?
The answer is I couldn’t.
With that in mind, I started wondering what the fuck kind of bullshit the NRA’s Wayne LaPierre is talking when he steadfastly refuses to even consider background checks before you buy a gun.
His argument is that criminals won’t submit to a background check and instead get their guns off the black market.
Really?
REALLY?
This is the argument?
THIS is the reason for NO background checks before you buy a GUN?
I’m FROM the fucking hood and I knew how to get a gun, so there is some truth to what he is saying.
BUT…I moved out of the hood and most of my hood contacts are either dead or in jail, so if I wanted to buy a gun off the black market, I’d be fucking out of luck because I no longer run with that crowd.
Criminals are NOT the motherfuckers shooting up fucking schools. Most of the shooters BECOME criminals AFTER they shoot up the fucking school, but before they kill 20 kids, they are just sick motherfuckers living a simple, well-off life.
If it was harder to get a gun, it’s fair to say many, if not all of the recent school shootings, would NOT have happened.
Anyone who thinks some upper middle class white kid can just go buy a gun off the street is just as stupid as stupid can be.
You think it’s easy to just walk out your door and buy a gun off the “black market”? If you do, then you are already a criminal with years of criminal activity and contacts at your disposal.
If you are some upper middle class white boy and you think you can just roll into the hood, flash some money, and buy a gat, there’s a term you will be forever known as…
D.O.A.
There is NO way somebody can just “buy a gun” off the black market if they don’t have deep, and I mean DEEP, ties to the underworld already.
Wayne LaPierre and the NRA leadership are full of fucking shit. I’m FROM the hood and I know how things work. I’m also been a member of the NRA for years, and I know how that works also.
How the fuck is a background check an affront to the 2nd amendment is beyond me.
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
That, was the reason I joined the NRA.
THIS is what the NRA seems to think the 2nd Amendment states:
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people, regardless if they are sick motherfuckers, to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed even if they want to shoot up kids in schools…that’s cool.
That’s why I’m leaving.
Doug Abramson
May 31, 2013 - 8:35 pm
The really ironic thing about Wayne’s militant advocacy for the middle class’ right to form and outfit their personal armed insurrections; and the right of their whacked out kids to have high capacity mags when they snap and decide to take people with them (I am not suggesting that members of either group are related to the other), is that he supposedly makes Barney Fife look like Sgt. York.
Seriously though MOTU, you hit the real problem on the head. Wayne is talking about criminals, most of the country is talking about mass shootings in schools, businesses and public areas. Most of the guns used in these instances are bought legally. Dead children are apparently the proper price to pay for crazy people being able to either buy guns or borrow a family members along with their high capacity magazines. That way they don’t have to waste killing time by having to reload too much.
MOTU
May 31, 2013 - 11:03 pm
HEY! No comments?????
Rene
June 1, 2013 - 7:34 am
Intellectual dishonesty at work, so what is new? Every time there is a discussion about gun control here, I feel like I’m replaying some script. I always say the same MOTU and Doug said above, that gun control would work against mass shootings by crazy white nerds, but wouldn’t work against career criminals with deep connections. And always, always, Russ Maheras appears and says that gun control is useless shit, because in Chicago it failed to stop crime in the hoods, when I’m NOT TALKING ABOUT crimes in poverty areas, but mass shootings by crazy white nerds in middle class areas. A classic case of talking past each other, with no real communication because Russ refuses to listen.
Wayne LaPierre and the NRA? Same deal.
But I’m generous and I admit that there are some morons in the Left that hold the naive, silly-ass view that gun control would stop all crime from happening, because criminals eventually would not be able to steal legal guns from anywhere. Yes, that would take just about a million years with all the zillion guns already in the market. So I feel Wayne and Russ are really taking pot shots at THAT kind of Liberal and ignoring (conveniently) that most people who want to talk about gun control are not that kind of liberal.
Neil C.
June 2, 2013 - 8:37 pm
Rene,
I find myself agreeing with you almost all the time. And I don’t know any one, liberal or not, who even thinks all guns should be taken away. But, like alcohol and cars, maybe some regulation could help.
Rene
June 3, 2013 - 8:11 am
Neil,
This is the Internet, so I have met my share of extremists of every stripe, including Liberal guys who believe no one has any business possessing a gun ever, except for policemen. Actually, I’ve met them in real life also. There is nothing like a upper middle class Liberal living in a big city in a comfortable neighbourhood to believe that possessing a gun is like possessing child pornography.
As for gun regulation and background checks, I agree that anyone who is sane should be in favor of it. Unfortunately, current American conservatives are trapped in an echo chamber, so they’re unable to recognize their own insanity.
Jonathan (the other one)
June 3, 2013 - 11:19 am
Speaking as a middle-class white dude in a fairly weapon-riddled area (Washington state), I wouldn’t even know where to go to buy black-market pot, much less black-market firearms. Wayne LaPierre is as stupid as he is ugly, which is hard to believe, I know.