Exorcise Homosexuals! by Mike Gold – Brainiac On Banjo #349 | @MDWorld

November 18, 2013 Mike Gold 10 Comments

I normally do not look towards organized religion for innovation, but there’s a guy in Springfield Illinois named Bishop Thomas John Paprocki who is going to have an exorcism at the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception.

Before you start thinking “oh, how quaint,” let’s take a look at who Paprocki is exorcising, and when he’s doing it. Paprocki is conducting his church’s exorcism ritual to rid homosexuals of their homosexuality. Presumably, he’s doing this to LGBT people in absentia.

He’s performing this ritual this Wednesday afternoon, when Illinois Governor Pat Quinn is going to mount the stage at the University of Illinois at Chicago arena to sign into law the measure that makes his state the 16th state to legally acknowledge marriage equality. I guess Newtonian physics applies to religion after all.

In justifying his actions, Paprocki quotes his boss, Pope Francis. From the archdiocese’s press release :

“’The context for this prayer service may be understood by recalling the words of Pope Francis when he faced a similar situation as Archbishop of Buenos Aires in 2010,’ Bishop Paprocki said.

“Regarding the proposed redefinition of civil marriage in Argentina, then-Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio wrote on June 22, 2010: ‘The Argentine people must face, in the next few weeks, a situation whose result may gravely harm the family. It is the bill on matrimony of persons of the same sex. The identity of the family, and its survival, are in jeopardy here: father, mother, and children. The life of so many children who will be discriminated beforehand due to the lack of human maturity that God willed them to have with a father and a mother is in jeopardy. At stake is the total rejection of God’s law engraved in our hearts. … Let us not be naive: it is not a simple political struggle; it is an intention [which is] destructive of the plan of God. It is not a mere legislative project (this is a mere instrument), but rather a ‘move’ of the father of lies who wishes to confuse and deceive the children of God.’

“Bishop Paprocki noted, ‘The pope’s reference to the ‘father of lies’ comes from the Gospel of John (8:44), where Jesus refers to the devil as ‘a liar and the father of lies.’ So Pope Francis is saying that same-sex ‘marriage’ comes from the devil and should be condemned as such.’”

Evidently, Paprocki needs to replace a radio tube, because more recently Pope Francis had something of a change in heart. In effect, the new Pope said “Oh, get over it. We’ve got bigger fish to fry.”

Always look at the bright side of life. At least Paprocki isn’t mindlessly repeating the oft-pronounced belief held by anti-gay religious bigots that homosexuality is a choice. According to this guy, it’s not a choice. Evidently, gayness is a result of demonic occupation.

I’m not sure Tom-boy’s exorcism is kosher. According to Vatican guidelines issued a mere 14 years ago, “the person who claims to be possessed must be evaluated by doctors to rule out a mental or physical illness.” I have yet to read about a gaggle of Catholic doctors wandering around Springfield performing such evaluations. But it’s not my place to interpret Church policies – they’re a mystery to me. And, it appears, to them as well.

I’m not telling these bigots how they should and should not worship. They have every right to show off their hatred with such a blatantly cruel and offensive act. But, god damn it, they must stop going around telling the rubes that their religion is all about their love for humanity. It is not. These people are haters, pure and simple, and they’re collectively lying through their holy ass.
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Today’s column was ghosted by the demon inside the author. Mike Gold performs the weekly two-hour Weird Sounds Inside The Gold Mind ass-kicking rock, blues and blather radio show on The Point, and on iNetRadio, as part of “Hit Oldies” every Sunday at 7:00 PM Eastern, rebroadcast three times during the week – check www.getthepointradio.com above for times and on-demand streaming information. Gold also joins MDW’s Marc Alan Fishman, Martha Thomases and Michael Davis as a weekly columnist at www.comicmix.com where he pontificates on matters of four-color.