Cold Blooded, by Arthur Tebbel – Pop Art #233 | @MDWorld

January 14, 2014 Arthur Tebbel 0 Comments

Dear Art,

It sure has been cold lately, huh?  There was a time when it was colder in Minnesota than it is on Mars.  That’s significant because Mars is 140 million miles further away from the sun, the source of heat in this solar system.  Does this disprove global warming?  How are you staying warm?

-Literally Everyone East of the Rocky Mountains

Everyone,

I’m doing fine, I don’t know if this is common knowledge after seeing all those weather maps completely covered in arctic colors but we didn’t get much of a polar vortex out here in Los Angeles.  We got a few abnormally cold nights but nothing that would compare to the surface of the red planet.  I don’t know how they justify changing the color key of their maps to hide the fact that the entire southwestern United States was completely fine.  I think it harms the weather narrative.  Weather people spend their entire careers waiting for catastrophes to get them more than a minute of screen time per show so when they have something they won’t let something like producing a useful infographic get in the way of their moment in the spotlight.

This has exactly nothing to do with global warming but that’s not going to stop it from being used that way.  There’s now evidence that belief in global warming polls stronger on hot days and weaker on cold days.  This is because people are morons who don’t understand things like trends when they could instead just understand the last thing they felt.  If you had a loaded die that rolled six 55% of the time getting three fours in a row doesn’t mean the person you’re playing dice with isn’t still cheating.  This is a real challenge for people actually trying to fix the broken things in our environmental policy and keeping the earth habitable by humans.  They should invest a lot of money in giant reflective surfaces to make places hotter then they’d have more support.

The most important thing people should learn from this is that everyone should live in southern California.  It’s nice here all the time.  I could wear shorts today.  I can hear you complaining already, yes, there are a lot of douchebags here but you know what could fix that flooding them out with non-douchebags.  Sure we’d quickly destroy the infrastructure here but hopefully the increased tax base would help pay for some new roads.  Do bring people who can make pizza, bagels, and egg rolls though, those situations are complete disasters out here.