Party On Len, Party On Christine! by Michael Davis – Straight No Chaser #336 | @MDWorld

January 2, 2014 Michael Davis 2 Comments

Some of my Bleeding Cool readers think I’m a bit full of myself.

I get that.

I get that, and I care about that as much as I care about being a victim of date rape. Since the odds of me dating a man are “FUCK NO,” I’m confident that whoever slips me a “Ruthie” is because I did, in fact, ask for it.

Now, back to me.

I’ve been told I give the best parties. My Comic Con parties are covered by entertainment news outlets, and Tatiana El-Khouri simply delights in turning away celebrities who show up at the door without an invite that think “I’m a star, I and my 13-deep entourage can get in.”

No. No they can’t.

Don’t get me wrong — Kevin Spacey can show up without an invite (he did), and get in (he did), and the four people with him can roll also (they did), but that’s Kevin Spacey.

But if you’re the 3rd lead in a 90s sitcom,and that sitcom had ZERO Black people in it?

Getthefuckoutofhere.

No. Really. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

Hell, Tatiana turned away an ex-girlfriend of mine and her friends who were invited BY ME. Why? Because she didn’t like their attitudes when they reached the velvet rope.

Yeah, people love my parties and have a great time at them. I think that’s because I give a real party. Dancing, booze, great people, and well, me. I’ve never been a fan of those sit-around-the-piano-with-a-glass-of-gin-and-tonic waiting for someone to say, “Hey, Gerald, sing us a song won’t cha?”

I’m HORRIBLE at those parties. I’m horrible at dinner parties — I detest having to feign interest in someone’s opinion of some shit I couldn’t give a damn about.

Whitney Farmer can attest to my dinner party antics. I was her guest at one such affair, when I was asked my opinion of feng shui.

Feng Shui

The Chinese art or practice of positioning objects, especially graves, buildings, and furniture, based on a belief in patterns of yin and yang and the flow of chi that have positive and negative effects.

“It’s for shit.” I said.

When asked to explain it got worse from there. Trust me. So I stay from dinner parties, it’s better for everyone.

But there is one party where bunches of people just hang out and talk and I JUST LOVE IT! Len Wein, the creator of Wolverine and Swamp Thing to name a FEW, gives the BEST sit-around-the-piano-with-a-gin-and-tonic party in the HISTORY of sit-around-the-piano-with-a-gin-and-tonic parties, ever!

Well, truth be told, Len gives HALF of the best sit-around-the-piano-with-a-gin-and-tonic party — the other part is the achievement of the only lawyer (including mine) I’ll ever love, Len’s better half, Christine Valada.

Together, they make it impossible for me to make fun of all white people parties.

How good are their parties?

I SKIPPED attending the Oscars one year to attend their Oscar party.

Really.

One time I showed up a week early for one…twice.

Really.

This weekend is another Len & Christine party, and I’m SO looking forward to going. They know the best people and I have the best time!

For years, my one-time apprentice and now full-time assistant James has wanted to go, and this is the year! He’s going to be my guest and because I’m such a great human being, I’m letting him bring a friend. He told me her name is Ruth and says she’s a knock out.

Happy New Year Everyone!