Forever Young, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise | @MDWorld

February 1, 2014 Martha Thomases 8 Comments

A few months ago, I started to think about dating again.  It would be lovely if I could tell you that these thoughts centered on my readiness to find love again, to live life to the fullest and share in the joy of human company.  Unfortunately, that would be a lie.

Instead, I worried about what I look like naked.  It’s been 35 years since I dated.  Since then, not only has society changed (there was no such thing as “safe sex” back then), but so has fashion.  In other words, I didn’t have to worry about styling my pubic hair.  And now, apparently, I do.

Once, as an anniversary gift for my husband, I had a full Brazilian wax.  It hurt like hell, and, while he liked it, what he liked was that I was making an attempt to shake things up to please him.  He didn’t like it enough to put up with stubble or me complaining about how itchy it was when it grew back.  And that was fine, because we were married for a long time and that kind of conversation was normal for us.

Making women feel neurotic about their bodies is nothing new, and I seem to be one who is especially susceptible, despite my political positions and my observations about every other woman with whom I come in contact.  A lot of people make a lot of money because of it, plastic surgeons and cosmetic companies and Spanx.

It’s a challenge for women at any age, but it gets more difficult as we get older.  Not only do we have to be both voluptuous and lithe, toned and curvy, but we have to look young as well, even though that’s impossible because we’re not, you know, young.  It gets more difficult for even the most vigilant dieting exerciser to keep a small waist, and to keep body parts at the altitude they once enjoyed.

The unspoken (and sometimes spoken) threat is that men won’t want women who aren’t young.  We must starve and sweat and carve up our bodies so that men will like the way we look.

Men have similar issues, as a glance at any issue of Men’s Health or Details will prove.  In general, however, they are urged to look young not only to attract women (especially young women) but also to stay competitive in a  job market that increasingly discriminates against older workers of all genders.

Every now and then, a woman who is older than she used to be takes notice that women our age are being pressured to be something we are not, and bemoans the unfairness of society.  And she is always right, but nothing has changed in the forty years since I’ve no longer been twenty.

Unfortunately, in that forty years, there has been more and more plastic surgery, the development of injectable botulism to fill in wrinkles, and every more impossible standards set for us, Most women, as they get older, no longer get gray, but blonde.

It doesn’t look young.  It looks pathetic and insecure.  On Sunday night, at the Grammy awards, Madonna was the saddest example.  This is a woman who used to urge us “Express Yourself” and now she looks like someone whose face was sprayed with quick-harding plastic.  She doesn’t look young, she looks frightened.

When I think about perhaps falling in love again, and accept the fact that it won’t be with George Clooney (who, as Tina Fey pointed out, plays a character in Gravity who would rather die in space then spend another minute with a woman his own age), I don’t particularly obsess about his looks.  Yes, I have a type.  I’m not made of stone.  But my type isn’t just a body size, but a brain size and an energy capacity and a particular sort of sense of humor.  Most important, it’s a world view that is progressive and hopeful.

And he shouldn’t be dying his hair.

Media Goddess Martha Thomases would probably do better at this dating thing if she would get out of her pajamas and leave her apartment.