“Justice League United #1” by Marc Alan Fishman – Snarky Synopsis | @MDWorld

May 25, 2014 Marc Fishman 1 Comment

Written by Jeff Lemire, Art by Mike McKone and Marcelo Maiolo

Let me answer the pivotal question before I toss 5 paragraphs of snark on you. I’m a masochist, that’s why!

By its own cover, this comic predicted the insanely impossible odds there’d be that “Justice League United” could be a success. Splashed across the page the titular team stands triumphantly: Star Girl, Adam Strange, Green Arrow, Animal Man, Martian Manhunter, and Girl I Don’t Know. And to keep the tongue firmly pressed into the collective cheek of the masses, they coyly sneak a Canadian Maple Leaf into the logo. So, let’s call upon the droves of geekdom to get it’s fix of Justice Leaguery with D-Listers, and a nod to our neighbors to the north. Had this been a comedy book written by Gail Simone? We’d be in great shape. Instead, we get a creative team I actually picked up the book for – Jeff Lemire and Mike McKone. Put simply, this book is so terrible, I barely know how to properly collect all my thoughts. So, inspired by this book, I’m going to start in the middle, and plow straight on to morning!

As part two of the “Justice League Canada” arc (part one, I assume was released on Free Comic Book Day?), we’re knee-deep in cartoon bafoonery in Jeff Lemire’s tepid script. As one of the reasons I enjoyed some of the early New 52 (well, really it was just him, and Scott Snyder), Lemire’s wheelhouse  has always teetered around the slow, plodding, and macabre. At least that’s what I gleaned on his tenure with Animal Man, prior to this book. Devoid of any subtlety, Justice League United seems to be a placeholder of a book. Collecting dribs and drabs around the outskirts of the New 52 into a team, while I assume the heavy hitters are off on some epic crossover I’m not actively caring about, no beats come across as anything more than the shifting sands in a pee-filled sandbox.

Oh crap, I think that was supposed to be the paragraph where I’m supposed to give a synopsis. OK. A giant alien science experiment wrecks havoc amidst the Canadian snow fields. Stargirl and Martian Manhunter eventually stop it by blasting it a lot and then punching it. And elsewhere in space, Lobo kills or subdues Hawkman before the big reveal – Ultra, the Multi-Alien… the Slayer of Worlds.

Do you get the notion that I’m phoning this in? I’m only doing so to provide the working example of how the book itself reads. Typically, the “rag tag group” team-ups tend to have a scosh of self-deprecation. Here, Lemire simply loads up generic plot-advancing dialogue, and gets us ram-shackled from point A to B. The only emotional beat across twenty odd pages is one where we’re reminded that due to the last big epic crossover, MM and Stargirl have some kind of Professor X / Jean Grey May/December thing going on. But Lemire only brushes the tip of that proverbial G spot before moving on to the punching, and quick wittedness.

And where do I even begin with the continual degradation of what used to be amazing characters. Adam Strange, no doubt more beloved by the older folks around the fringes of this site, is retconned into what I’ll assume is just Peter Quill. And in case you thought DC was trying to shy away from it? The damned tagline of the book is “Gathering to Protect the Galaxy”. I assume the space-bunny isn’t too far away from joining this book too. Strange aside, Animal Man is apparently no longer tortured by his strange connection to the Red. He is now for all intents and purpose, the male Vixen from the Justice League cartoon. Here only to show off his amazing powers. Green Arrow, once a liberal Robin Hood complete with arsenal of arrows, is here mainly to fire one or two of them in between jokes about his lack of powers. Stargirl, once the teeny-bopper trying to find her identity almost channels that actual original-ish characterization… but is mainly in the book here to shoot things. J’onn J’ones (if he even uses that moniker anymore?) is in the book to ensure someone on the team is powerful and boring.

I fall back to my original stance. A book like this begs to be handled with wit, and humor. Instead, it reads as a dumbed-down cartoon. It’s all set-pieces, punching, and plot. Without personalities – or ones we’re to assume come baked-in without any context – we’re left with a lukewarm villain, and B story that is clearly going to be revealed to be a major plot point / thing to fight, but only after countless issues of it being schlepped out a page or two at a time. Yawn. Cry. Repeat.

Artistically, the stalwart Mike McKone gives us a greatest hits of his style. Limber, stiff characters fighting amidst either too simple, or too complex backgrounds. A few bells and whistles are trotted out between McKone and his colorist, making the “shifting DNA monster” become a few pretty Photoshop filters. Aside from that though, Marcelo Maiolo is ill-placed as the secondary artist on the book. His stark color choices mesh terribly with his attempt at more traditional “house style” treatments. It lends moments of chaotic beauty in a book that doesn’t deserve the originality. Perhaps in an Vertigo title, sans soft-edges, he’d be a better fit. Given the poor scripting throughout, I’m almost ready to revisit my issues of Animal Man to ensure that it wasn’t Steve Pugh who did more of the heavy lifting. But I’d rather live with my delusion that Lemire accidentally turned in his notes and outline – not the final script. But I digress.

“Justice League United #1” is a waste of a once wonderful writer, a staple penciler of much better team books, and a visceral toilet flush for each team member. Unless there’s some tongue-in-cheek joke I missed with this issue, I can only leave you on this note: The only thing Lemire and company did was unite my fears with my hatred for the New 52. Nothing Strange about it.