It’s a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise | @MDWorld

January 24, 2015 Martha Thomases 3 Comments

So how is your 2015 going so far?  If you are like most people, your New Year’s resolutions are already a distant memory.  

There are lots of reasons for this.  It’s difficult to change one’s habits.  Quite often, the change to which you aspire doesn’t really fit who you are.  For example, you might (like millions of others) want to lose weight.  People who lose weight to feel better are more likely to be successful than people who want to lose weight to look better.  I know.  I’ve done it for both reasons.  When there are third and fourth reasons, I’ll probably try to do it for those as well.

Are you succeeding?  Should you have succeeded?  I don’t know your life.

Mine is going pretty well, at least as of today.  Yeah, I want to be thinner and sleep more yada yada yada.  I stopped making those resolutions a long time ago because I would get distracted and screw up.  I mean, I can make myself go to bed early but I can’t make myself fall asleep.  And the guilt about not sleeping would only keep me awake.

For the last several years, I have resolved to drink more water, and play more with my cat.  I can do those things.  More to the point, they express my general disdain for the very concept of New Year’s resolutions.  Why should an accident of the calendar change my behavior?  What about Chinese New Year, or Jewish New Year?  What about my birthday?  Isn’t every day the start of a new year?  Shouldn’t there be cake?

Anyway, last year was personally pretty rough for me.  I mean, everything is fine.  I have my health, my family is good, and I don’t have any money issues at the moment.

My husband is still dead.

Yes, I know.  That’s how biology works.  And yet, I find it surprising every single day.

Last winter, with the extreme snow, I would find myself spending three or more days in a row without going outside.  Since I work at home, I could get away with this, but it meant that I didn’t see anyone else or talk to anyone else.  Then, spring came, and even summer, and I would still stay inside. Between Seamless and Amazon Prime, I didn’t even have to go to the store.

This year, I resolve to leave my apartment every day, weather permitting.

Over the last year or so, I’ve made a few, highly tentative steps towards another relationship.  I’ve signed up for dating sites.  I’ve gone to parties.  I’ve flirted.

Nothing.  Nada.  Zilch.

Maybe men my age all suck.  If so, that’s a tremendous change over the last forty years, when I’ve found many of them to be attractive enough, at least for a daydream.  Now, I can be sitting next to someone who made me swoon when I wasn’t available, and the thought of making a move makes my stomach turn over, but not in a good way.

Maybe I’ve lost all my social skills.  That could happen, especially to a person who doesn’t talk to other adults for days at a time.  However, my friend aptitude seems to be operating at the same standards.  I get invitations for lunch and for drinks and for movies.  When I make invitations, I get acceptances, not excuses.

Maybe I’m just not ready.

That’s okay.  I can accept that.

Still, it’s too easy for me to close off altogether.  Hence, I must open the door and walk through it.  In real life, not just as some pretentious metaphor.

Outside, there could be cake.

Media Goddess Martha Thomases wishes she could train her cat to scratch the parts of her back she can’t reach.