High and Dry, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise | @MDWorld

August 7, 2015 Victor El-Khouri 1 Comment

As I write this, tonight is the first televised Republican debate and the last Daily Show with Jon Stewart.  I’m really interested in both, but that’s not what I’m writing about here.

I want to talk about sex, baby.  Specifically, the different ways our society talks about and treats the sexual status quo for people my age (which is ancient).

My musings were brought about by this story, which explains that, among other things, Medicare won’t pay for Viagra (which now costs $38 a pill!).  In the course of talking about what men need, the writer mentioned that women in the Medicare demographic frequently suffer from something called “vaginal atrophy.”

This is what constitutes the condition.  It seems that anywhere from 25% to 40% of post-menopausal women complain about it.  Most medical experts think the actual number who suffer from it is much higher.

Ick.

I mean, it’s not enough that women in Western culture spend our entire lives comparing themselves to Photoshopped fashion models who are 13 years old.  Now we have to feel guilty if, as we age, our private parts don’t stay plump and juicy?

As with everything involving humans, different kinds of treatments can work on different kinds of people.  Women are advised to do kegel exercises, use lubricants, and find patient partners.  Sometimes, these things work.  And sometimes, they don’t.

If you’re a man with erectile dysfunction (and doesn’t that sound ever so much more medical and non-blaming than “atrophy?”), you know about the pharmaceutical options available to you because they are advertised incessantly on television, especially on the news shows.  You don’t have to make an appointment with your doctor and subject yourself to a lot of embarrassing questions while you find out if the pill is what you need.

And if you’re a woman, you may have seen a few ads on those same programs for a pill that says it can help you.  You will notice that the side effects for these pills (cancer, heart disease) are much more dire than those for boner pills (high blood pressure, blurry vision).

Maybe you are a woman with a history of cancer and/or heart disease in your family, and you would like to find non-hormonal assistance to a post-menopausal sex life with other people.  What are your choices?

Here’s what I could find:

You can go see the Dracula Doctor, who will, as his name suggests, suck out a bunch of your blood to mutate medically and then use it to cure your symptoms.

Or maybe you could try something called “The Mona Lisa Touch,” which sounds all nice and artistic, but in fact involves shooting lasers at your private parts.  And also:  “Some experts do warn that further long-term efficacy and safety tests need to be done….The MonaLisa Touch therapy can cost up to $3,000 and it is not covered by insurance.”

Makes $38 for a pill sound almost reasonable, doesn’t it?

Martha Thomases, Media Goddess, wonders if any of these conditions would respond well to apple sauce.