Who’s Sorry Now, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise | @MDWorld

October 14, 2016 Victor El-Khouri 0 Comments

Yom Kippur was this week, and although I am not observant enough to go to synagogue, I did spend some time reflecting on my behavior and how I might do better.

Because I think those encompass the steps necessary to atone for one’s sins.  First, I have to acknowledge that I did something wrong.  Then, I have to apologize.  And third (and most important), I have to find a way to fix the damage caused by my sins.

Here is my first attempt.  It will be a life-long process.

•  My cat isn’t getting enough exercise.  Although I aspire to play fetch with her at least once a day, sometimes that isn’t the activity she wants.  I need to get her up and moving.  She depends on me.  She asks for attention, but I don’t know what she wants.  I would like her to speak English, but since I can’t control her behavior, only my own, I must learn how to speak Cat.  Does anyone know about on-line classes?

•  As a proud feminist, I do not believe in waiting for a man to do things for me that I can do myself.  No, I’m not talking about opening jars or getting rid of bugs.  I don’t believe that every single person has to be a master of every single skill, and I will gladly sew a button for you if you don’t know how, and I will ask you to carry a heavy package if I can’t and you can.

Rather, I don’t need a man to buy me jewelry or take me out to dinner or on fancy vacations.  Personally, I don’t need any more jewelry.  But every day, when I read the newspaper (I’m very old) and see the advertising, I want someone to buy me stuff.  I know these are the remnants of my patriarchal upbringing, where a woman’s worth was shown by the wealth of the men who courted her.  I know that many of the jewels I covet are mined through the labor of mistreated workers.  Most of all, I know I can go to the Museum of Natural History and look at pretty rocks whenever I want.

•  The older I get, the more self-satisfied I get.  Living alone makes this worse.  Every good deed I perform is the greatest thing any human has ever done for any other human.  Every bad deed I do is a mistake which I will never do again, and which doesn’t really matter anyway.  Every aesthetic choice I make is the epitome of good taste, while every different choice anyone else makes shows a lack of understanding of the history of art.  Every political choice I make is the embodiment of virtue, and every different political choice demonstrates greed and/or ignorance.

There are well over 300 million people in this country, and more than seven billion people in the world.  Each of us comes to our decisions from different places, using different prisms to understand the facts.  More than one of us can be right at one time.  I need to get over myself.

•  I also suffer from grandiosity when I consider my obligations to my community.  Yes, I give to various charitable and political causes in which I believe.  Yes, I volunteer my time on a weekly basis in addition to financial contributions.  I consider these to be my responsibility as a citizen.  I’m not a Marxist, but I do believe “from each according to his ability, to each according to his needs.”

However, because I am a human, I can’t do everything to fix the world by myself.  And I feel guilty about this.  Which I shouldn’t, because I am not so important that everything comes down to me.  Instead, I should do the best I can, and thank other people for doing the best they can.  While I’m at it, I should acknowledge that lots of them do better than me.

•  And as long as I’m getting over myself, I should acknowledge that what I wear or what I look like matters  not at all.  When I go outside, no one is waiting to see me and make judgements.  I should know this because when other people go outside and I happen to see them, I don’t stare at them and rate their looks, their physiques, or their outfits.  My appearance is neither remarkable good nor remarkably bad.  I’m average.  My looks don’t matter.

Vanity would only be a sin if that was all it was, but these thoughts take up too much of my time and waste too much of my life.  All of this effort could be better spent making jokes, teaching people how to knit, learning Cat, and smashing the patriarchy.

I’m going to try to do better on all these fronts this year, Constant Reader.  Please call me out when I fail.

Martha Thomases, Media Goddess, used to speak fluid Dog but has forgotten almost everything.