You Don’t Bring Me Flowers, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise | @MDWorld

February 10, 2017 Victor El-Khouri 0 Comments

In honor of Valentines Day, I will try to avoid the politics this week.

Let’s talk about soul-crushing depression instead.

It’s in my DNA to hate this time of year. My dad always hated winter, and even after he moved to Florida, he still went into a funk.

It’s also in my training to hate this time of year. For four long years at boarding school, not only would we freeze our way through gigantic snowfalls, but, inevitably, someone would get caught with drugs and thrown out.

Nothing seemed within my control.

Some of my Facebook friends bemoan Valentines Day because they are single, saying that all the ads on television make them feel like failures who can’t find a lover.

I get that. I really do. I’m just one perfume commercial away from wailing so loud that I scare my cat.

And I don’t even wear perfume. If I did, I would prefer to wear something I chose myself, not something my beloved got suckered into because of a commercial. Wearing J’adore by Christian Dior will not make me look like Charlize Theron.

The models (movie stars or not) in perfume ads, or ads for flowers, chocolate, jewelry or whatever, look really good. I’m in favor of attractive people, especially if they are simply on display on my screen, not vomiting in my bathroom to keep their beautiful flat stomachs.

I’ve been there. I’ve rarely felt as in control of my life as when I was dieting to the point of illness. Everyone complimented me. I was denying myself pleasure to fit into society’s expectations of what women should be. I felt like a good girl.

Nobody fell in love with me and bought me perfume, flowers, chocolate etc. Even worse, nobody time-travelled back to my high school to seduce me then.

I learned that being thin was not the same as being loved. And being a good girl was not the same as being happy.

Love is a wonderful thing. Being in a romantic relationship can be a wonderful thing. But, just as being skinny didn’t make me happy, being in a romantic relationship is not the only good thing in life.

It’s also not a one-size-fits-all thing. While there are loads of people I find attractive, there are way fewer that I want to hang out with for any amount of time. Our genitals might fit, but not the causes for which we would march, or the schedule of television shows we want to watch.

My ideal relationship is not the same as your ideal relationship.

Which is one reason I find articles like this so useless. I’ve been in all of those situations, and never had any desire to give nor receive any of those gifts. That’s not who I am. That’s not who I fall for.

A person I can fall for is independent, compassionate, smart and funny. He will share enough of my political values to understand why this is horrific, not funny.

He will rub my feet at the end of the day, and he will like the way I kiss. We will find each other’s smells reassuring. He will tolerate my codependent relationship with my cat.

Will we find each other? That is not entirely within my control. However, it happened once, so I remain hopeful. Without hope, there will be no springtime.

Martha Thomases, Media Goddess, is going to California this week and expects the experience to make her much more perky.