It’s the End of the World As We Know It, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise | @MDWorld

December 15, 2012 Martha Thomases 2 Comments

The more superstitious amongst us expect the world to end on Friday, because that is when the Mayan calendar ends.  Science (in this case, NASA) says otherwise.  This is my favorite part of NASA’s explanation:

“Q: Does the Mayan calendar end in December 2012?

A: Just as the calendar you have on your kitchen wall does not cease to exist after December 31, the Mayan calendar does not cease to exist on December 21, 2012. This date is the end of the Mayan long-count period but then — just as your calendar begins again on January 1 — another long-count period begins for the Mayan calendar.”

The evidence is so convincing that even the most superstitious among us are hedging their bets, This website points out that the world might not end on Friday (not because science is right, but because it’s not in the Bible), but you should give your life over to Jesus, just in case.

Just in case.

If the world should, in fact, end on Friday, there are a few things I need to get out in the open.  These are not politically correct, but the end of the world is not the time for political correctness.

• As a pacifist who rides the subway, I have to confess that, when the train pulls into a station, and I’m trying to get out, and there is a person standing in the doorway who won’t move because this isn’t his stop but he wants to be ready when it is, I bump into him with my bag.  Hard.

• I feel kind of sorry for John Boehner.  I mean, I disagree with him and everything he stands for, but I don’t have the feeling that his heart is in it.  He has to say those crazy things about the deficit and tax cuts for the rich because otherwise bullies like Eric Cantor and Paul Ryan will beat up on him.  Really, watch him when he talks to the press.  His hair is slick, his clothes are perfect, but his eyes are pleading for help.  It’s like he’s a hostage to the Tea Party Liberation Army.

• One of the chips on the table in the negotiations about the so-called “Fiscal Cliff” is to make people who earn over a certain amount either pay more for their Medicare or not give them their Social Security.  And I’m okay with a means test, as long as the standards are the same as those the Republicans claim for high-income tax brackets.  You may recall (and I can’t find the link because it was in a previous election cycle) that some Republicans think it’s impossible for a family to survive in New York on $250,000 a year.  I believe that even Democratic senator Chuck Schumer occasionally agrees with this.  If Republicans want to compromise by making people with high incomes pay more for Medicare, and if they also want to deny them Social Security, I think Obama should give in on that, especially since it makes a lot more economic sense (and displays more compassion) than raising the eligibility age.

• Despite warnings on subways and street corners, and at the risk of incurring the wrath of Rudy Giuliani, I give money to homeless people.  Even worse, I give money to homeless people I like, and not to all of them.  I know there is a good chance they will spend my largess on liquor or drugs, and I give them a dollar anyway.  Yes, I said a dollar, not a puny quarter. Live it up, elite class of homeless people that please me.

• A developer speculating on real estate prices in Manhattan build three really ugly townhouses up the street from me.  He wanted to sell them for $25 million each, but I think he ended up accepting something closer to $17 million.  I have yet to see my new neighbors.  They aren’t very sociable.  They don’t take out the garbage or hang out in the park, places where I might run into them.  And yet, even though they appear to be anti-social, I am thrilled that they are there.  It means my apartment should be worth more.

• There is no way I’m ready to have a meaningful romantic relationship with anyone, but, George Clooney,  if the world is going to end on Friday, call me Monday.

 

Martha Thomases, Media Goddess, would also accept phone calls from Robert Downey, Jr., Nathan Fillion, and that guy from her history class senior year.