Mayor Batman: Pop Art… and Chris #1

December 2, 2008 Arthur Tebbel & Chris Toia 12 Comments

Dear Art and Chris,
I am the mayor of the city of Batman, Turkey.  I’ve recently filed suit against Christopher Nolan and Warner Brothers for the royalties my city deserves. What do you think my course of action should be?
—Huseyin Kalkan.

Dear Mayor Batman,

This isn’t what Batman would do!  Batman doesn’t file lawsuits,Batman gets results.  It could be years until the courts throw away this frivolous lawsuit, and you want action now.  We’re going to have to recommend that you get a costume, something that would scare you, terrify you.  Is there anywhere nearby you can get a costume of a liberated Kurdistan?  You’re going to have to don your costume and find Christopher Nolan, unfortunately a search of Google maps did not yield his address, we hope your Bat-computers will fare better.

In your complaint you blame an increase in the suicide rate on the psychological impact the success of the Dark Knight has had on your city.  At first this seemed pretty far-fetched but then it dawned on us; who would kill themselves because they thought their city had become Batman?  Bad guys.  I don’t think you can sue someone for getting rid of all your criminals.  Perhaps you should replace your police department with the Blu-Ray release of the film.  You’ve also blamed the success of the film on a string of unsolved murders.  That’s insane; Batman doesn’t kill people.  Maybe that can be a new anti-crime slogan.  On second thought, take that and we’ll sue.

A prolonged legal battle, especially against a major corporation can be very expensive.  Instead of spending money by going to court you could be making money.  Oil futures are plummeting, but DC is about to raise the price of a Batman comic 33%, where else are you going to get this kind of return in this market?  Publish your own comics about your city.  Put The Adventures of Batman on the front along with some really vague depictions of your city skyline and sell them through Diamond.  People will buy them thinking they’re getting the adventures of the Caped Crusader.  Sure they’ll be pissed when they find out it’s a Turkish travelogue but you’ll probably make you entire city’s operating budget before the general public gets wise.

If you insist on taking this all the way to trial you need to have a better story.  As of now your town has only been named Batman for a few years prior to the release of Detective Comics #27.  This isn’t nearly compelling enough; you have to go back further.  Hasn’t the war in Iraq taught you anything?  We couldn’t know less about your region.  Forge a couple of documents and boom; your city’s logo has been the bat symbol since the before the building of the pyramids, which, as far as Americans know are also located in Batman, Turkey.