‘Twas the day AFTER Christmas, by Michael Davis – Straight No Chaser #98

December 26, 2008 Michael Davis 10 Comments

‘Twas the day after Christmas,
when all through the house

I have a cold and I’m pissed and could just shout
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that sexy Asian girls would be still be here;

No children were nestled all snug in their beds,

Because I’ve been careful… nuff said
While visions of Asian chicks danced in my head;

And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,

I have no idea how to turn that into a rap
Had just settled down for a long winter’s nap,

Once you go black you never go back
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

I carried my nine to put a bullet in some hood’s ass
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

I said breast, that’s funny but not as funny as Ho,
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below,

I’ll say it again Ho, Ho Ho

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

No, as much I want to I won’t say Dick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

“Now, Tatiana! now, Martha! now, Tony and Art!
On, Q. Reyes, On, Chris! On, Mike Gold ! On, Mike Raub and Mike D!

To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
like ComicMix who fired me because I was black now is a good time to get their asses back

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

If he dressed like this in the hood, he would surly be jacked.
Did I mention ComicMix fired me because I was black?
His eyes — how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
here’s a good time to mention HO
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

I never get tired of saying HO
I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Yo, Santa you lucky you could have been dead.
He said to me I had nothing to dread;

I said not while I have a gun to your head
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

Happy Christmas to all, and that’s that,
Did you know ComicMix fired Michael Davis
because he was black?
No, that’s not really true
It’s just fun to say
They fired him because they thought
He was gay.
No, that too is a lie
He was not fired at all
it was just time to say
Goodbye!