What’s The Point?, by Michael Davis – Straight No Chaser #102
January 23, 2009 Michael Davis 21 Comments
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGG!!!
I’ve mentioned a few times in the one hundred and two Straight no Chaser’s that I have written my problem with a HORRIBLE short-term memory. I have always had a bad short-term memory, ever since I was a kid I have had a real problem with that.
When I met the woman I married, I had to write her name on my hand for at least five dates before I remembered it. Once I parked my car in the apartment complex I was living in at the time, went upstairs for a half hour and could not remember for the life of me where I had parked. I spent 2 hours looking for my car.
I bet you think this piece is about that memory lost and how I got into huge trouble or had great butt naked freaky love with 3 Asian girls because they thought my memory issues were cute.
Nope (the Asian girl thing did happen but that’s a story for another time… and Penthouse.) Oh you doubt me? Do so at your own peril my friend. A bit of advice DO NOT let your girlfriend talk to the funny black guy at the party.
Well YOU may think I’m funny, she will think I’m charming and cute as a button. Don’t worry, when she gets back to you she will have something nice to say like; “Wow that black guy is funny, kisses nice to.”
I bring up my short term memory because someone out there was kind enough to score me some Barbie dolls for my collection and I forgot who it was and cannot for the life of me find the damn email which tells me. I think I owe this person a check but cannot remember who it is! All I know for sure is it’s not Vinnie.
So PLEASE dear, kind, person resend me the email and check amount along with your address and I will hook you right up. Please don’t be offended because I don’t remember your name –my memory is really that bad. I know who you are I just cannot remember (or find your email) which one of my cool new friends at MDW made the offer. I do know that I like you and remember you write great posts. I have hundreds of emails over 7 different accounts and just cannot put 2&2 together to find yours.
I’m really sorry, please know this is driving me crazy!
Oh and about the Barbie dolls, if you are new to MDW here’s a bit of info that may make or brake your day. Yes, I am a 6 foot 2, 200 pound black man and I collect Barbie dolls.
Laugh if you want but know this, I have a Barbie in my collection that could most likely buy your house buddy.
Now to the subject-in my travels I have come across many people with great stories. In fact most of my real friends have come about from a good conversation. I met Tatiana at Comic Con some years ago and she was engaging and smart. On the flip side I met Denys Cowan, who is now my BFF (see older guys can be cool also) at a copy machine in the offices at Marvel Comics and that MOFO hardly said anything to me. This is exactly how we met:
Denys was standing at a copy machine in the offices of Marvel Comics. He was xeroxing pages from his Black Panther mini series. I said, “Those are nice.” Denys ignored me. “I’m Michael Davis.” I continued feeling like a dick that had just been dissed. Denys did not even look up when he said; “I know who you are.”
That was EXACTLY how the meeting went. You know now that I think back I’m a bit pissed again. How dare that Mother Fu…
Sorry, I was making a point and that was not it. My point is that ever since I’ve known Denys he has been a man of few words. Denys is a master of getting to the point.
Then there are other people I know.
Man oh man. Sometimes I just want to pimp slap some of these people, and these are people I like and in some cases love.
I know a girl, lets call her Marsha. Marsha is as smart as they come and talented as she wants to be. Marsha also takes a freakin’ hour to get to the point. The simplest straightforward question will elicit the LONGEST pointless response.
MOTU: Marsha, would you like to go to the movies?
Marsha: The movies? Once in front of a movie theater I saw a kitten in the middle of the street. The kitten, I think it was orange with black stripes. NO, it was black with orange stripes…
MOTU: Marsha…
Marsha: …maybe it was half orange, half black…what street was that? I met my husband on a street. I think it was a street it could have been in a club. Clubs are on the street right? Unless they are in an alley. But who wants to go to a club in an alley…
Motu: Marsha. Marsha…
Marsha: …I sure don’t. HEY! Maybe it was an alley cat I saw on the street! Maybe it wasn’t black and orange, maybe it was just dirty from living in that alley and what I thought was black was dirt…
MOTU: Marsha. Marsha. MARSHA!!!!!!!!!!
Marsha looks at me like she’s a deer in my headlights.
MOTU: DO YOU WANT TO GO TO THE MOVIES? YES OR NO???
Marsha: Wow. I have not been to the movies in a while. Have you seen the new movie about that mouse? I think it was a mouse and not a cat. YES, that was dirt on the cat!! It was all orange. Hey, where you going?
I know three; count them THREE (3) people who drive me crazy with this type of stuff. All nice people, all smart people, and all people I want to strangle sometimes.
People, (and I know all THREE of you read this) look I love you all (NOT in a brokeback way to YOU and YOU know who you are) but PLEASE get to the point!!
If I happen to be drinking shot after shot at my favorite karaoke bar and you want to take an hour to tell me about your trip to the bathroom, then by all means have at it.
BUT…
If you want to talk to me about business GET TO THE POINT.
Like I just did.
Shane Kelly
January 23, 2009 - 8:29 am
So… Short term memory, eh?
Sadly, I can completely identify with that, and compunding that issue is that I was diagnosed with ADHD. But, what’s funny, is that I was diagnosed ADHD when I was 20. All those years in school, all those detentions, suspensions, write ups, blue slips etc, being told that I was a “problem child” and was “overly rambunctious” and “talked too much” and “never pays attention”. That I needed “a firmer hand to discipline” me. Which was hysterical, in retrospect, considering my father was a former marine, Vietnam vet, and police officer for 30 years.
Was it unfounded criticism by my teachers? Not necisarily. In all honesty, I did spend more time in the Principal’s office, than in the classroom, because my teachers couldn’t or wouldn’t deal with me. I was an indignant little kid, that actually asked his teachers for respect. In my head, I was being demeaned and spoken down to. That I was always being brushed aside, because I had the gall to ask my teachers (many of which were nuns and priests) about what was fact in the Bible vs. Fiction, and what faith really meant, while in a Catholic school and in the second grade…………………………Uh oh……………………..I think I am one of those “friends” you spoke about earlier.
Damn…
Sorry…
Now, didn’t you say you were going to send me a check for $1000.00 about 3 years ago?
What? You don’t remember?
Marc Fishman
January 23, 2009 - 10:00 am
Ahh MOTU, alas, it was not I who sent the barbies. In case I’ve not yet made it to the long term memory, my name is Marc Fishman. I used to read S n C over at comicmix… and would comment with witty jokes. Eventually these jokes made you laugh, and from there, the rest is history. Funny history.
Funny you mention Denys. Recently I’ve become enamored with his work on the Question (edited by some guy named Mike) and man, do I ever love it. If you dig cool karate, mystery men, and eastern philosophy, nab a copy. Really good art, really good writing.
And I do have a point… Straight No Chaser is a fun read every friday, and I’m glad you’ve founded this great new home on the web.
Kai
January 23, 2009 - 11:14 am
Dear MOTU – I do in fact know the person that sent you “a” Barbie. Are you referring to one that you received in early August – right after San Diego, the Asian one?
It was ME!!!!!!!! Included in the package was a very long thank you note regarding all you did for me/us with the San Diego Hotel room debacle (which I’m sure no one wants to re-live). I had promised that I was going to send you an Asian girl and I did, though in Barbie form. I had ordered it before San Diego, but it got delivered while we were there.
XOXO
P.S. this was even before I knew that you liked Barbies
M.O.T.U
January 23, 2009 - 11:21 am
@ Shane,
You retarded.
M.O.T.U
January 23, 2009 - 11:23 am
@ Marc,
I don’t remember if I’m talking to you.
M.O.T.U
January 23, 2009 - 11:37 am
To all those suffering or know someone suffering from any mental illness (been there, done that, I think I have the tee shirt but I can’t remember)
I meant no offense calling Shane ‘retarded.’
As soon as I find a word that describes him better I’m on it. Please feel free to send your suggestions to
What to call Shane?
Your submission should be light heated and fun as Shane is a close friend of mine. It should reflect his funny yet strange but lovable point of views but be stinging enough to cost him discomfort if he is ever pulled over by the police and the passenger in his car calls him that name.
Names that end in ‘hole’ or “wipe’ altho clearly called for sometimes will not be considered here.
Winner will receive a signed (no joke) drawing from the MOTU-which may or may not be done by my studio assistant James which I will sign and pass off as my own.
Deadline next Friday Jan 30!
Have at it!
M.O.T.U
January 23, 2009 - 11:46 am
For Kai,
My dear sweet lovable Kai-I had NO idea that was from you. I think I threw away the thank you note because I did NOT see one and I did make a MESS of the box it was sent in.
I’m so SORRY that I never thanked you and Mike so…
T H A N K Y O U !
That was a cool as cool can get gift!
WOW, A Asian women and a Barbie! The only thing better would be if she was 5 foot 2 and alive,
Kai
January 23, 2009 - 12:10 pm
So you were like a 5 year old opening a birthday present and destroyed the box? FINE!!!! The note was one of my best works!! 🙂
I’m SO glad you are enjoying her (not in a Brokeback way). When I make a promise I deliver, though I was STUMPED on how to get you an Asian woman. Plus, what can you get the MOTU?
The note was mostly – thank you for being you, being awesome, let’s drink some more tequila, thanks for dealing with the room crisis, let’s drink more tequila, thanks for being you and being awesome and thanks for being awesome. You know, the usual 🙂 But damn, I even found a cool note card to fit the occasion.
Most of my Barbie collection is in storage from when I moved, though the valuable ones were sold to help buy my former house – wish I had them now, esp with one son getting ready for college and one directly after that!!! One day you will have to show me yours….your collection that is 🙂
Shane Kelly
January 23, 2009 - 12:41 pm
From Mike: “It should reflect his funny yet strange but lovable point of views but be stinging enough to cost him discomfort if he is ever pulled over by the police and the passenger in his car calls him that name.”
Awwww (blush) I didn’t know you think of me as loveable (again, in a non-Brokeback way).
I have a suggestion (I know, I know how dare one insult or nickname oneself. Jason Clark has a helluva story about nicknames for me) that was used a lot while growing up, and being who I am. It was coined by my Uncle when I was a wee lad…”Shane The Pain”
Sadly, it took off like wildfire within the family, and then spread to my teachers, and “friends”. Eventually, it was last used by my ex-wife when I was 23 (if memory serves). Guess it goes to show part of the reason we divorced in the first place, and…………….(ooops) There I go again. Sorry Mike 🙂
As an aside, and in mention again, to the above column, and my initial comment…In addition to the $1000.00 check 3 years ago. I believe that within that span I was also promised/offered some GI-Joe and MEGO Dolls that were dressed as Batman, Superman, Flash and Green Lantern….Again, this is all if memory serves.
M.O.T.U
January 23, 2009 - 1:31 pm
Shane said,
“In addition to the $1000.00 check 3 years ago. I believe that within that span I was also promised/offered some GI-Joe and MEGO Dolls that were dressed as Batman, Superman, Flash and Green Lantern….Again, this is all if memory serves.”
Dude-I have a bad short term memory but I’m WELL aware of what I would and would NOT say. Jesus would have a hard time getting my G.I.Joe’s buddy.
Good try…not.
Marc Fishman
January 23, 2009 - 1:35 pm
@ MOTU
Let me refresh your memory on whether you’re talking to me…. You are. And you find me funny, and delightful. You know… even though I’m not a chick, and not Asian.
Vinnie Bartilucci
January 23, 2009 - 2:08 pm
“I did make a MESS of the box it was sent in.”
Sometimes, the comedy just writes itself.
While I agree I would never send you a Barbie (cause odds are any of the ones I’d find you already have), but if you like, I’d send you a teddy bear wearing a superhero costume…any requests?
http://www.internationalnorbertconspiracy.com/BAHP/index.html
Alan Coil
January 23, 2009 - 5:41 pm
Those responses by Marc Fishman are looking more and more like the letter pages of a Groo comic.
Marc Fishman
January 23, 2009 - 6:29 pm
Ok, I give… what does that mean Alan?
M.O.T.U
January 23, 2009 - 6:32 pm
To Marc,
Trust me if you are in ANY way compared to ANYTHING in the genius which is a Groo comic-THAT is a good thing.
M.O.T.U
January 23, 2009 - 6:39 pm
Vinnie said,
…”but if you like, I’d send you a teddy bear wearing a superhero costume…any requests?’
HELL YES! Green Lantern please!! Send me the hows and whats info to:
motu@michaeldavisworld.com
Bless you my son.
Keu, Oh, The Talent
January 24, 2009 - 2:34 pm
Well… sometimes it’s best to “ramble” than get “to the point” and the point doesn’t make sense. You can always ramble yourself out of a ramble. The rule: NEVER answer “yes” or “no”.
Alan Coil
January 25, 2009 - 7:58 pm
Marc said:
“Let me refresh your memory on whether you’re talking to me.”
I then said:
“Those responses by Marc Fishman are looking more and more like the letter pages of a Groo comic. ”
Groo is brilliantly written by Mark Evanier and brilliantly drawn by Sergio Aragones. But in the letter pages, the subjects of the letters and some of the responses are repeated from month to month, with many of the answers being inane or just downright silly. Most notably, jokes about cheese dip or mulch seem infinite. Your “Let me refresh your memory on whether you’re talking to me.” sounds exactly like stuff found on these letter pages.
Groo is highly recommended. Unfortunately/fortunately, Groo comics (mostly those printed by Marvel) can often be found in quarter boxes, so you can get a big dose of the silliness for little cash. I say unfortunately because, in a truly just world, some comics would NEVER be found in quarter boxes.
Marc Fishman
January 26, 2009 - 9:46 am
Phew. I thought there was some “player-hating” going on. Glad it wasn’t.
M.O.T.U
January 26, 2009 - 8:12 pm
Marc,
I TOLD you it was not a diss. He could have said ” Hey you suck.” But he did not. He could have said ” Is you stupid?” He could have said; “Your mother dresses you funny.” He could have said; “You ugly.”
But NO he invoked one of the best comics EVER and your name in the same sentence.I told you it was a compliment. and yet you doubted me!!!
YOU DOUBT THE MOTU???
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! NEVER DOUBT THE MOTU! BEWARE THE DEATH RAY!!!
Have a nice day.
Marc Fishman
January 27, 2009 - 10:13 am
Just to bring this discussion back around to the first point… See MOTU? You ARE talking to me. I shall never, ever, neverever doubt you in the slightest ever again. I am weary of your death ray, and I kneel before you, and ask you grant me clemency. I shall do whatever necessary to stay in your good graces, even if it means tracking down a Teddy Bear member of the green lantern corps.