The Lighted Fart, by Michael Davis – Straight No Chaser #108

March 14, 2009 Michael Davis 15 Comments

I’m so done with the way television is depicting comic book and comic book fans in the media. Last week on The Celebrity Apprentice the ‘task’ was to create a comic book superhero. First off both team’s creations S U C K E D. I mean MY apprentice is not yet a professional but he could have come up with a better idea if he lit one of his farts…wait The Lighted Fart is a better idea than what both teams came up with on the show. The person who ‘picked’ the winning idea was as clueless as Stevie Wonder would be with a coloring book.

What really bugged me about the show was the group of ‘comic fans’ the producers decided to bring in to focus group the ideas of the celebrities. I’m not kidding when I say these guys were the textbook definition of geek. These guys looked like stereotypes of stereotypes.

I’m so sick of this shit.

Hey, I’m sure that these guys were cool and all but they all looked like they would have a premature moment if a girl said ‘hi.’ There’s a model, Claudia Jordan on the show who’s claim to fame is she is on Deal Or No Deal and yes she is pretty…pretty stupid.

She made reference to the comic book fans as geeks and perhaps this was the first time they had been in the room with ‘real girls.’ “Real girls’ as if to say that the ‘geeks’ would be lucky to have any of the girls in the room as sexual partners.

One of those ‘real girls’ was Joan Rivers, I don’t know about you but if forced to have sex with Joan Rivers I’d rather cut my throat with a dull spoon…twice. The other ‘girls’ in the room are no prizes either. In fact the only ‘girl’ who was ‘all that’ was the Deal Or No Deal model and her attitude makes her unattractive in my eyes. She’s making jokes about the comic book fans when her claim to fame is opening up a freakin’ suitcase and smiling or not depending on what’s in the case.

I hate models and their attitude. All they can do for me is rub my feet and call me ‘daddy.’ Oh BTW I’m aware that most guys ‘hate’ what they can’t attain…I’m not that guy and I have the pampered feet to prove it…and the videos…

Model: What’s that blinking light?

MOTU: That’s a smoke detector.

Model: Oh. I never saw a smoke detector made by Sony Camcorder before.

MOTU: Yeah so when the fire starts it will record it, but its not on now.

Model: Oh so that green light that says ‘on’ means it’s not on?

MOTU: Yeah it only comes on when and if a fire starts.

Model: Oh, OK. Would you like some more fountain of youth oil on your feet daddy?

MOTU: Yeah, Claudia now stop talking. I told you if you want to do movies you have to hum your lines.

Model: OOKKKKKKKKKKKKKKMMMMMMMMMMMMMMUUUUUUUUUMM.

Correct me if I’m wrong but is not one of the biggest, if NOT the biggest show on NBC a comic book concept? Does NBC think that comic book fans are sexually repressed nerds?

Well I’d rather be a sexually repressed nerd than an D list celebrity on a show where I look like a dick.

I’m SO sick of the way the mass media looks at comics and comic fans with the kind of bullshit such as what The Celebrity Apprentice did with their ‘pick’ of ‘comic fans.’ No one on that show had any respect for the comics medium they all thought it was kid stuff.

Watchmen made more money in 2 days than all of the celebrities ‘ideas’ have combined. If you put all the brain power on that show (producers included) they could not come up with the brilliance that is Watchmen, or Superman, or Spider-Man or the zillion of other comic book concepts that come from us geeks and nerds.

Yeah, I hate how the mainstream media depicts comic books and us fans and at some point I’d like to ram my distaste down some networks executive throat but until then all I can do is bitch and try to be the best geek I can be.

Oh before I forget, The Lighted Fart TM and copyright Michael Davis 2009