It’s a Fine Life, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise

April 4, 2009 Martha Thomases 7 Comments

It’s no secret that I’ve been kind of whiney of late.  Just look at my last two columns.  However, as much as I like to complain, I can’t keep doing it.

For one thing, I’m really and truly blessed.  I have a husband who not only loves me, but rubs my feet on a regular basis.  My father is still alive and still cracking jokes. In two weeks, I’m going to Los Angeles to see my beautiful son for my birthday.  I have friends.  I have a home.  I have my health.

Yada yada yada.

It’s not that I’m not grateful for this important stuff.  I am.  It’s boring to talk about it, though.  And most of these things happen through no special virtues or talents of mine.  Many people have families, healthy bodies, and active social lives.  Many people appreciate that they have these things.  You can find these appreciations easily enough.

No, you come to me for the unique insight, the pagan wisdom, the cheap laughs that come from more than a half-century of paying attention.  So here, for you enjoyment, are The Top Ten Pleasures for the New Economy.

10. It’s early April!  We have two more months of more sunshine every day.

9. At the same time, because Daylight Savings Time started so early this year, we’ve all recovered from the unpleasant jolt of having to get up an hour earlier.  We can enjoy the extra daytime fully rested.

8. I can set up a straight line for the MOTU without cracking a smile (see #2).

7. The good io commercial is back, the one with mermaids and pirates and sea-serpents!  Everybody into the ocean!

6. Summer yarns, typically made from cotton, rayon, silk and synthetics, are typically much less expensive than winter yarns, which are more likely to be cashmeres and wools and alpacas (and synthetics).  I can make a new sweater for about half the money, but it takes just as long.

5. I’m eternally enthralled by the emergence of a new season’s flowers.  Luckily, New York contains enough calorie pears and chestnut trees, along with tulips, daffodils and other flora, that walking to my various destinations feels like a treat, and not just a way to avoid paying for the subway.

4. Our president can actually speak in complete sentences.  This means, even when I disagree with him (which is more often than I’d like), I parse what  he says and figure out where we differ, instead of just screaming at the television.  This means fewer headaches and much less heartburn.

3. We about to get new episodes of Law & Order: Criminal Intent, in my opinion the finest of the Law & Orders.  Not only that, but the oddly sexy Vincent D’Onofrio will alternate with the oddly sexy Jeff Goldblum.  If only they could be joined by Ben Vereen, I might start to believe in a Deity.

2. A week from tomorrow is Easter and I have not yet eaten any my favorite seasonal treat.  This makes me feel strong in the will power department.  Even better, writing about it might inspire someone to try to tempt me with said seasonal treat, and then I’ll have some chocolate joy without having to pay for it.

1. Sex is still free.

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Media Goddess Martha Thomases hesitated to mention that last item because the legislators in her state are looking for more and more things to tax, and she worries about where they might decide to put the meter.