MICHAEL DAVIS WORLD

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Hold me, by Michael Davis – Straight No Chaser #119

May 29, 2009 Michael Davis 0 Comments

nohugging.jpgI’m convinced we are living in the last days of the apocalypse.

No, I’m serious.

Really.

Everyone who knows me or reads this weekly rant is well aware that I am a Liberal. I have some (well a few, Hell a LOT) of conservative values but mostly I’m a liberal because I believe in personal freedom, in other words stay the hell out of my bedroom.

If I want to kiss a man that’s my right as a human being. If I want to marry a man that’s a matter of MY morals not yours. If I want to watch gay porn while spanking my monkey (his name is Rush) then I’m watching and spanking to my hearts delight.

What the fish do you care if I’m watching gay porn and spanking my monkey Rush? How does this affect you and your moral fortitude?

It doesn’t, in fact NOTHING I do in my bedroom (or behind K-Mart, or a Burger King bathroom or your momma’s house) has anything to do with you. That’s right even if it’s your momma’s house and I’m with YOUR momma it’s none of your business.

And while I’m at it, I might as well come out of the closet…I Michael Davis Master Of The Universe am Gay.

The fact is I’m a Lesbian. I love women. ALL women as long as they have a good heart, are smart, care about the environment, can hold their own in a good conversation, like’s animals, and cares about the homeless. These are the traits that I look for in a woman.

Oh and they have to be smoking hot and Asian. Hey, that’s what I like. You have NO right to tell not to like Asian women. None.

So all this said, why am I convinced we are living in the last days of the apocalypse? Because the newest and possibly stupidest cause of some conservative right wing ASSHOLES is the ‘hug.’

There are some people out there who want to ban high school kids from hugging each other as a greeting.

They want to band girls hugging boys, girls hugging girls (my personal favorite) and boys hugging boys.

Why?

Where is the harm in a simple hug? Oh, will it lead to FUCKING?? Will two straight guys decide that the man hug will turn them gay and they will have an overwhelming desire to mouth each other’s penis?

I’ve hugged a lot of man in my life and I can tell you without a moment’s hesitation I have NEVER wanted to…mouth or THINK about the guy’s penis I was hugging…

Wait that did not sound right. I was hugging the guy NOT his penis. I have NEVER hugged a penis…eh, well I have but it was MY penis. I hug it often if you must know. In fact even as I type this…

Never mind.

What’s next? First no hugging then no handshakes or ‘high fives’ because there is touching involved? Let’s get ALL touching out of high school. So forget football and any other contact sport.

Hell, let’s do away with looking anyone in the eye.

Man, banning ‘hugging’ is just STUPID. Maybe some body should hug those people who want to ban it, obviously their parents never did.

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Comments

  1. Jeremiah Avery
    May 29, 2009 - 7:02 am

    While I’m more of a fiscal conservative, the moral police have taken the Republicans way off the deep end. While they seem to want the govt. out of the private sector, they have no problem intruding on the lives of others and dictate what people can and can’t do in private (pending they aren’t harming anyone).

    Gays pay taxes and adhere to the laws that everyone else does and yet they don’t have equal protection/rights under the law – WTF?!

    I like women. They don’t like me, but that’s another matter. Why should I or anyone else hinder two people who want to spend the rest of their lives together and reap the same benefits (and pitfalls) as everyone else?

    The banning on hugging is ridiculous but some of that is spurred by some very uptight people since a lot claim sexual harrassment for such contact so schools are trying to stave off such lawsuits by not allowing such contact. It’s asinine but when you have people suing over the dumbest of things, this is the world we live in.

  2. Vinnie Bartilucci
    May 29, 2009 - 8:21 am

    Another classic example of people being afraid to try and define where “the line” is, so they just move it all the way to one side and don’t let anybody do anything.

    One Google-brand web search later reveals it’s not just conservatives, but as Jeremiah said, districts who are advised by their battery of white-lipped attorneys that since they’re potentially liable for anything, to allow nothing.

    I expect we’ll see “hug-ins” start very soon, with kids engaging in civil disobedience by hugging in a public place. And young hormone-laden boys who never had any interest in politics before will suddenly find themselves called to this event…if only to watch.

    Protest marches are a GREAT way to pick up chicks.

  3. M.O.T.U
    May 29, 2009 - 9:15 am

    When I first moved to L.A.-wait I don’t live here I still live in New York I just happen to have a residence here…I HATE L.A….

    Anywho when I first took a residence here…it’s not really a residence I just happen to stay their…oh never mind…I HATE L.A…

    Anyway, I was in my car in Beverly Hills and the traffic was moving very slow in the middle of the day when it should have been moving much faster. As I inched forward it became clear to me that the reason for the hold up on BUSY Wilshire Blvd was a car accident.

    Now where I come from a car accident is a CAR ACCIDENT. There are mangled bodies, destroyed cars, pain and possible death.

    I was lucky (or more likely unlucky) to come to a stop a foot or two from the accident.

    Oh JOY! I would get to see mangled bodies, destroyed cars, pain and possible death! This would more than make up for being stuck in traffic for 30 mins.

    So what does my eyes see before me? Two guys YELLING at each other for a scratch SO SMALL that I had to get out of my car and walk the TWO feet over to see it.

    I SWEAR you could have covered it up with the residue from the cap that came from the touch up paint. There was NO dent there was a tiny TINY scratch on a bumper that Superman would have had to use his X-ray vision to see.

    Yet, there they were vowing to sue each other out of existence. When I got out of my car to see the ‘damage’ the guy who was hit turned to me and said; You see that?’ His voice sounded like I was looking at his 3 year old child who was shot in the head by a mad man.

    I told them both they were idiots and asked them to go have sex with themselves (in words to that affect)

    THIS is the world we live in. Suing over 75 cents worth of touch up paint. Stopping traffic in the middle of the day for this bullshit.

    I’m sure that some of you will remember this from a few years ago…a man sued his dry cleaners for $75 THOUSAND dollars because they lost his pants. The cleaners offered to replace the pants and even buy him an entire new suit of his choosing but NO this IDIOT wanted 75 GRAND for his ‘lost.’

    When the case got to court (don’t get me started on that BS) the judge threw it out…D U H

    For my money people who sue for stupid shit should pay, the court cost and pay the amount they were suing for then be punched in the face…a lot. Then they should be waterbroaded!!

  4. Vinnie Bartilucci
    May 29, 2009 - 10:11 am

    “a man sued his dry cleaners for $75 THOUSAND dollars because they lost his pants. ”

    It was 54 million dollars, and the man was a judge.

    He was fired. He’s not a judge anymore.

    He is now suing to get his judge job back. He has valued his JOB and time lost at 75,000.

    The pants? 54 million.

    The idea that this man is not in charge of deciding other people’s cases anymore? Priceless.

    http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/05/02/pants.lawsuit/

  5. M.O.T.U
    May 29, 2009 - 1:35 pm

    54 MILLION!!!

    Oh SNAP, that’s right Vinnie! Thanks! I must have blacked out from the sheer ASSHOLEness of this stupidity and when I woke up I blocked out the 54 mil!

    As we all know I’m a proud black (who loves Asian women…and chicken) man so I can say the following without fear of criticism…maybe.

    This idiot former ‘judge’ is a black man and I have no problem saying this is the kind of nigger who gives black people a bad name.

    Yes-I said nigger and meant it. What exactly do I mean by ‘nigger’? I’m glad you asked, check out that chapter in my forth coming book, Everything you want to know about black people but are afraid to ask.

    Now I’m mad. Shit I have a meeting in of all places Beverly Hills and I can’t be a black guy driving mad in B.H.

    I need to think for something warm and fuzzy…

    2 Asian girls and me…

    SHIT now I can’t drive at all!

  6. Vinnie Bartilucci
    May 29, 2009 - 2:22 pm

    To be completely honest, I had never heard that the judge in question was black. It never ever crossed my mind. Not because there aren’t black judges, and lots of them, but because the act of suing for 54 million dollars over a pair of pants seemed so…white…to me. First time I heard that story, I thought “I have GOT to see the matching jacket!”

    Black people rarely sue over such ridiculous things, and if they do, they have been talked into it by a white lawyer. And WHEN they do, they go after people who actually have money, and not the local dry cleaner who probably makes enough money after expenses to buy gum for his kids as a treat. Sugarless.

    There was a famous case in The Bronx where a couple of…let’s call them “ample” young ladies were suing McDonalds for “making” them fat. Now, I for one have been lucky enough not to have the Evil Grimace Battalion kick in my door and cram cheeseburgers doen my throat, but to be fair, I didn’t live in the same part of the Bronx. The amazing part is the papers thought they had a fair chance of winning, becasue as a rule black juries (and considering where the courthouse was, that’s what they were gonna get) more often than not sided with the plaintiff in cases like that, because there’s that basic class-envy thing going on, but also they thought that it might be THEM in the lucky position of suing a big company someday, and they’d want the NEXT guy to vote the same way. I believe they settled for a happy meal each. The defendat was willing to go as far as including apple pies.

    Yep. There’s a sign where I am, and it reads “You are there”, cause that’s where I went.

  7. Marc Alan Fishman
    May 29, 2009 - 2:57 pm

    I’ll be honest Mike… I once hugged this girl in high school… and we immediately starting having sex. Right there in the middle of gym class. It was amazing. And right after we were done, my best friend gave me a high five for scoring. Soon after, he and I starting having sex, about 4 paces to the left of where I was having sex with the previous girl. After finishing up there… I went home. My cat stared at me the wrong way, so well…

    Get your mind out of the gutter. I sprayed the cat in the face with a spray bottle.

    It’s a shame we live in a country that is so far into other people’s business, we stop them from living their lives. I’ve always believed that “as long as you’re not forcing it on me” you can do/screw/hug/believe in anything you damn well please. I can only hope when the time for my generation to take the reigns of public law and policy, we pull this steel rod out of America’s collective ass.

  8. Martha Thomases
    May 29, 2009 - 4:04 pm

    When I was in boarding school, there were a zillion rules about Public Displays of Affection (PDAs). You could get into serious trouble if you were seen holding hands with a male – even your father. So, to point out the absurdity of this, we started hugging each other all the time. After all, we were all girls, so we weren’t violating any rules.

    And I wonder why I got such bad references on my college applications ….

  9. pennie
    May 29, 2009 - 5:26 pm

    There are so many ways I could go here.By far the most important are the main points. For those who have a problem with consensual public affection I say: “Ptooey!”

    Several years ago, two women were ejected from a Seattle Mariners baseball game for snuggling and holding hands.

    My wife and I are used to drawing hostile stares and nasty comments when we dare to walk down the street holding hands.
    If we kiss, for some, you’d think the world really was ending. The crap rarely comes from people under 30. The only safe zones are in particular areas of some cities. And even then, brutal attacks and murders are far too commplace..

    Just imagine people, not being able to hold hands, hug or kiss your husband, wife, partner, fiance, date without drawing the bottom feeders of our race like swarms of magnetized robotic insects to a bright light.
    Did we ask for your comments when we hug?
    Do we require your permission?
    Do we need your approval?
    NOT SO MUCH!

    Google it. Check out the FBI’s hate crime stats. And those are merely the tip–the brutalizations that are actually reported–estimated to be a small fraction of the real number of incidences.

    Where does this resistance to the expression of human affection and love stem from? I’m certainly not alone in believing the origin is fear. Fear of affection, pleasure and love.
    Damn to hell those Puritans.

  10. Vinnie Bartilucci
    May 29, 2009 - 8:36 pm

    “Get your mind out of the gutter. I sprayed the cat in the face with a spray bottle. ”

    Is that what you call it?

  11. James
    May 30, 2009 - 2:49 am

    So, being a Christian involved in a church, I heard a lot of campaigning for Prop 8 during election season, from people sitting with me in the chairs.

    Yeah, okay, I do disagree with the homosexual lifestyle. But I voted no on Prop 8, ’cause this is the country where you’re ALLOWED to make your own choices, regardless of what I think of them. And I think that regardless of what I believe, if I let my personal faith start deciding YOUR lifestyle, then something is terribly wrong.

    My faith should dictate MY behavior, not yours. The majority should NEVER dictate the rights of the minority, and the gap between ‘majority’ and ‘minority’ here is so minuscule anyway. So please, go and do something I disagree with! This country was built for that, and as long as I’m sane and able to vote, I want to continue a rich tradition of dissident behavior and governmental subterfuge.

    “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.”
    -Voltaire’s friends, not actually Voltaire.

    Now I feel all scholarly.

    =]

  12. pennie
    May 30, 2009 - 4:11 am

    James,
    Your understanding is heart-warming. I ask only one thing–please know that being a Queer is biological in basis. It’s how one is born and not a lifestyle. It has always been so. Queers have been around since people.

    Would one say being African-American, Polish, Hispanic, Jewish, or Irish is a lifestyle? The social aspects of each of those groups may celebrate different events, manners of dress, worship, language and other pieces. But one is born into those skins. Barack Obama and George Clinton are both African-Americans. I hardly think they live the same lifestyle.

    No different for Queers. One is born with a gender–and some are fluid. One is born with a sexual orientation and sexual identity. Those can change over time and one’s own self-realization. But the fact remains that one’s biological orientation hardly qualifies the descriptive word, “lifestyle” The word connotes a choice involved. Going to Bermuda for a vacation is part of a lifestyle. Falling in love–or making love, or having sex–with a member of one’s own gender is not.

    Queers in my life have varied in the ways they live with the same range as non-Queers. Some live quiet suburban professional lives in decade-long relationships with children, pets and a picket fence. Some live edgy changing partners regularly. There is no Queer lifestyle. No more than a heterosexual one. This point is fundamental to furthering respect and acceptance.

    Again, your understanding is appreciated.

  13. Vinnie Bartilucci
    May 30, 2009 - 5:47 am

    “Would one say being African-American, Polish, Hispanic, Jewish, or Irish is a lifestyle? ”

    Yes.

    Or more specifically, they can be.

    If you’ve ever been around a hassidic community, there’s no doubt that the way they choose to follow their religion is a lifestyle. The choice of dress, hair, turning their women into compliant baby-making machines, these are all part of the Hassidic “lifestyle”.

    That is not the ONLY Jewish lifestyle, but it IS a lifestyle. It’s an active choice (sometimes enfocred by family but a choice nonetheless) to live and celebrate who and what they are in a specific way.

    I agree that there is no single gay “lifestyle”, There’s no centuries of traditional song and dress, no heritage to fall back on to give you comfort. (Broadway musicals don’t count) Each person lives their lives differently, as you said, the gays you’ve known all do.

    Personally, I think the term “Gay lifestyle” is a misnomer. It suggests the hot-pants wearing Greenwich Village scene that people have seen on television; the immaculately tended hair and exquisitely decorated (and inexplicably HUGE) apartments of the city-dwelling gay, and the squalid splendor of the mansions of the country-dwelling gay. THAT doesn’t exist, at least not for all. It’s as wrong a stereotype as the idea that black people can’t swim or become lawyers and marry black gynecologists.

    The vast majoirity of people who say they “disagree with the gay lifestyle” aren’t upset with HOW you live your life, but with THAT you live your life. They’re not upset with how you dress or how many Judy Garland records you have, but that you’re doing the nasty with people who have matching equipment as you.

    Their argument is that you can “stop being gay” just by abstaining from said acts, like deciding to abstain from one’s favorite food. It is closer to trying to get someone to stop being black. This is not their business, and will never be so. This does not seem to matter to them.

    I’ve never cared for the “It’s biologic, we can’t help ourselves” argument, to be honest. Limiting it to a biological basis feeds into the Dr. Laura idea that being gay is some mutation, or at she calls it, an “aberration”. Something that can be “cured” like cancer. Like everything else about a person, I feel how one’s tastes and preferences form is a mysterious and complicated process, and is more than just a series of genetic switches. I don’t believe there’s a switch for liking vanilla ice cream over Fudge ripple, or preferring the company of Asian women over any other type – it just happens, and trying to figure out “why” is largely unimportant. The only reason more time is spent on it here is because the prediliction in question is far more controversial than, say, whether or not you like Apple Jacks (After all, they don’t TASTE like apples…). But largely, the people who are against will not be turned by evidence that it’s “because” of one thing or another. It’s gonna take a serious change in the way they think. And like every other streotype and negative mindset, it’s going to take years and years of people not living up to their opinions of how “they” live, a series of drops of water that will eventuall and hopefully build up enough to spin the waterwheel and get the gears moving in their mind.

    There are people out there trying to make us to stop doing damn near everything. And they all need to shut the hell up.

    “Ick, no, I like men!”
    “Honey, you just took the words outta my mouth”
    –Victor Victoria

  14. pennie
    May 30, 2009 - 6:19 am

    Vinnie,
    Although there are some points in your post with which I disagree, I won’t sweat the small stuff. You are certainly entitled to your own opinion. I do agree with your overall points but one part is simply wrong.

    You wrote: “I agree that there is no single gay “lifestyle”, There’s no centuries of traditional song and dress, no heritage to fall back on to give you comfort.”

    Actually, if you do some research–and I have much literature and reference material to base it on–despite the greatest attempts by some throughout history–there is a very deep, meaningful and lovely heritage of Queers throughout time. Much to be proud of and respect. None of this has to do with lifestyle as they have changed through the centuries. The important piece is the pride and attitudes–running like a river through time; from the most ancient civilizations to the present. African, Asian, Oceanic, Native American, Fertile Crescent, European…you name it, it’s there. Many healthy attitudes. It’s global because it’s intrinsic in the human race.

    More than a few respected historians have written extensively that condemnation of Queers didn’t really begin until recently in human history. The wide variation in human sexuality and fluid genders was accepted until some objected and sought to control and channel natural instincts for their own ends . These people have always been with us and always will. I believe history has also proven that the more societies attempt to stifle these natural instincts, the more those societies suffer from that estrangement.

    Was it any mistake that as the Golden Age of Athens and Greece flourished with breakthroughs in philosophy, literature, athletics, politics, mathematics, science and culture there was a complete acceptance of the fluidity of human sexual and gender expression? That is only one outstanding example. Egyptian, African, and Asian cultures also offer remarkable illustrations.

    I completely agree with your premise that: “The vast majority of people who say they “disagree with the gay lifestyle” aren’t upset with HOW you live your life, but with THAT you live your life. They’re not upset with how you dress or how many Judy Garland records you have, but that you’re doing the nasty with people who have matching equipment as you.”

    THAT is the bottom line. As ever, it comes down to a matter of mutual respect and tolerance. As those who have been completely brainwashed pass from this earth, and far more tolerant younger generations supplant them, I believe we will continue to reach new and better levels of acceptance for all of our differences–celebrate rather than condemn and live in fear.

  15. Alan Coil
    May 30, 2009 - 8:37 am

    Homosexuality is genetic, not learned, just as having a large butt or running fast is genetic. One can’t learn to run fast. One can learn to run faster than they presently run, but if their best is a 5-minute mile, they will never be world class. One can exercise all one wants, but that butt is always going to be large unless an accident or surgery removes part of it.

    Behavior modification can teach one how to avoid certain activities, but that doesn’t change the genetic makeup of a person. Behavior modification can be used to make one stop hugging female friends in the workplace, but that doesn’t stop the urge to hug those female friends.

  16. Reg
    May 30, 2009 - 9:14 am

    Paging Dr. G…Paging Dr. G……patient is coding… prescription needed…STAT!!!

    This is Dr. G. Please follow this to the letter….

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-z2LNsifEzg

  17. M.O.T.U
    May 30, 2009 - 9:38 am

    Reg,

    That link is the single greatest post ever.

  18. M.O.T.U
    May 30, 2009 - 9:42 am

    James you, …” disagree with the homosexual lifestyle”?

    So you were kidding about the foot rub?

  19. Mike Gold
    May 30, 2009 - 9:51 am

    I agree with Vinnie in that (emphasis mine) being African-American, Polish, Hispanic, Jewish, or Irish CAN BE a lifestyle… or, actually, PART of a lifestyle. How we identify ourselves plays into who we are. And that’s the beautiful thing about America.

    We get to dine at the greatest cultural smorgasbord in history. If we keep our minds open, we are exposed to an array of cultures — music, food, literature, art, philosophy — that makes Americans more than the sum of our peoples. It doesn’t matter if you live in the most segregated gated community in the nation: if you’ve got a teevee set, you’ve been exposed to it all. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll learn from it.

    I honor my Ashkenazi roots. Listening to WVON (“Voice of the Negro;” a radio station owned by the Chess Brothers) as a kid I discovered jazz and blues. Mexican food became second only to barbecue… until I developed a strong allergy to fermented foods (I’m a drag at a wine and cheese party). I dig Louis Prima and it is NOT racist to say Italians have a special, lovely family-oriented approach to fun. Whereas I have a problem with Asian music, when it comes to movies and comics and food, I’m there. IDW took me out to a Mexican/Asian fusion joint in San Diego and I want to go back during SDCC.

    Until recently, gay influences on our culture have been less pronounced. A whole lotta denial on the part of straight folk. My mother didn’t realize Liberace was gay until around the time he died. But, ultimately, it’s those influence that will do more to tear down the barriers than any act of legislation. That’s the way it’s always been; I can’t see why it won’t happen now. That’s why the out-of-the-closet movement has been so important.

  20. Marc Fishman
    May 30, 2009 - 2:17 pm

    Wait, Liberace was gay?!

  21. pennie
    May 30, 2009 - 2:46 pm

    This column IS entitled, “Straight…No,Chase her,” right?
    T. Monk, where are you out there?
    }’;>)

  22. James
    May 30, 2009 - 7:53 pm

    Pennie,

    would preference be a better word? by lifestyle, I didn’t mean to imply there’s one template for a homosexual life. I guess preference is a better word.

    Michael,

    There’s nothing gay about footrubs! That’s a perfectly platonic expression of my culture!

  23. pennie
    May 31, 2009 - 4:02 am

    James,
    Thanks for being so open-minded and asking. I’ve been a writer for more than thirty-five years. Words are important to me–barometers of feelings, attitude, thought, expression, meaning and other abstract connections. Like cooking and meal presentation, words can be precisely placed or slopped around.
    While preference is a tad closer to reality than lifestyle, for me it still isn’t accurate.

    Think of it this way: when you go for an ice cream flavor–you might prefer rocky road this time over the chocolate swirl last trip. For your pizza topping, pepperoni this time over triple-cheese. That’s a preference.

    If you are in a social situation, unattached, not in a relationship, and at the gathering there is a diverse group of people of all means of gender expression, do “you” ask your self: “Should I go for the androgynous person today? Or do I feel like approaching that hot chick? But, hey, there’s a cool stud over there?”

    If you do that–and I know people who do–you would be quite open and preference would certainly apply. I’m thinking that the majority of people are not. In the 1950’s influential researcher and Indiana University professor/author Alfred Kinsey proposed a scale with the parameters from 0-6. It is still used widely by sexologists and social scientists to this day.

    One end indicate a person who is exclusively homosexual. The other end, a person exclusively heterosexual. The mid-point is where the majority lies–predominately living in the expression of one gender more than another, although there is some wiggle room. Straddling that mid-point, between the two extremes, represents points that are more fluid, where gender expression and preference blend and mix.

    Where one fits on that scale depends on so many factors. Genetics, parental attitudes and upbringing, socialization, geography, race, culture, religion, generational placement, as well as other influences. And these can change over time as one attains an increased self-realization, maturity and awareness of personal identity over those other influences. So, a person who appeared to be the perfect expression of an idealized heterosexual femininity or masculinity when you last encountered her/him, suddenly appears as something quite different now–more aligned with mixed gender roles or even the other extreme…

    What happened in the interim? Was the first encounter a preference, and the current model a different preference?

    The movie “Gentlemen Prefer Blonds” indicates another example of implied taste direction.Implied is “gentlemen” they prefer blond women over brunettes or redheads. But that is different from the larger and more important umbrella of gender. One can alter hair color regularly–and many apparently do this. Does the same happen with gender and gender expresion and gender identity?

    James,. ask yourself, do you prefer women or men or those who skirt between the lines? If you respond, “No way, I only go for the girls or guys, then it really isn’t a preference–it’s your predisposition and attraction. For some, that is simply more fluid than for others.

  24. Reg
    May 31, 2009 - 2:43 pm

    James said: “Michael,

    There’s nothing gay about footrubs! That’s a perfectly platonic expression of my culture! ”

    Ummm, Michael..I could be wrong, but I think you originally meant to type foot “washings” as opposed to foot rubs…and brother James, also perhaps mistakenly, followed you down the ‘rub’ road with his response.

    And if that’s the case, then I wholeheartedly agree with James that in our fundie (via Yeshua’s actual model) culture, it’s a beautifully platonic expression of agape…and I’d happily wash your feet with gladness. But if you both actually DID mean giving one another foot ” rubs”….then I’m slowly backing away…whistling tunelessly…looking somewhat nervously for the exit.

    🙂

  25. Vinnie Bartilucci
    May 31, 2009 - 7:19 pm

    Foot rubs – Can’t believe nobody posted this yet…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iljiCvv1SMI&feature=related

  26. MOTU
    June 1, 2009 - 4:30 pm

    Reg,

    Let me be clear, I have many friends who are gay. I believe that the world would be sadder place without the contributions of gay people case in point you think Rush Limbaugh could have painted the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel?

    Hell no!

    So I have nothing but respect for Gay people BUT-the thought of a man giving me a foot message or me giving him one is as likely to happen as Obama being introduced as the H.N.I.C before his state of the Union address.

    Oh-white people ask someone black what H.N.I.C means…no wait bad idea, just go to the link below, safer that way.

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=HNIC

  27. Alan Coil
    June 1, 2009 - 10:56 pm

    Head Ninja In Charge

    or

    Hockey Night In Canada

  28. Mike Gold
    September 4, 2010 - 7:11 pm

    Hockey Night In Canada. That’s very, very funny. MOTU is most certainly disgusted, as he can’t imagine any black person enjoying hockey — let alone playing it professionally. By the way that’s the case with some 34 NHL players last year who were (and, presumably, still are) black or bi-racial.

    And, no, you can’t put them all in one basket and call them African-American, as many are not.

    However, you CAN put them all in one basket and call them “big guys MOTU can never understand but obviously would not want to get into a fight with, death rays notwithstanding.”

  29. MOTU
    September 4, 2010 - 7:28 pm

    Mike,

    FYI- I played Hockey often while growing up in the hood. That’s the game where you stop the action and try and kill each other with a stick right? We just call it something else…Public School.

  30. Mike Gold
    September 5, 2010 - 7:30 am

    Yeah, MOTU, but “ice” meant something else.

  31. MOTU
    September 6, 2010 - 9:54 pm

    Yeah Mike,

    Ice Cube, Ice-T. Vanilla Ic…never mind.

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