Futur-drama, by Arthur Tebbel & Chris Toia – Pop Art… and Chris #33

July 21, 2009 Arthur Tebbel & Chris Toia 3 Comments

Dear Art & Chris,
As you may have already heard our studio has recently put Futurama back into production for a 26 episode order to be aired on Comedy Central over two seasons. However, we have recently reached an impasse in negotiations with the voice talent behind the major characters in the show. We have since decided to recast all of the principle players. You guys are giant nerds, the kind I bet love Futurama. As our target audience how likely are you to embrace this change?

-Chris Alexander, Senior Vice President
Corporate Communications & Publicity, Twentieth Century Fox Television

Chris,
Zero percent. For those keeping track that is the least amount of percent in any given circumstance. Futurama wasn’t just a funny show; it was a funny show for people who were exactly in our sense of humor. It was while drinking and watching Futurama that we got started doing comedy together. Comedy in this context means drunkenly reciting the episodes together but it was a start god damn it.
   

When the series was brought back as 4 direct-to-DVD movies over the past few years it was great but it really only whetted our appetite for more seasons of the show. Then we got our wish the show was signed on to return and now we hear it will be without any of the actors. Are you guys really this stupid?

What defines geek culture more than anything is an insane amount of loyalty. For proof of this just look at the box office receipts for Star Wars Episode 3. Even after seeing that the last two movies were garbage people still went out in droves for the third one. This principle also applies to all those shitty Star Trek films. I know this seems to support you guys; that we’ll watch these new Futurama episodes no matter what. What you aren’t taking into account is the front and center position of the actors on the movement to get the show back on the air, especially on the part of Billy West. Kick him to the curb and angry fans will boycott you and it’s not like Futurama ever had audience to spare.

Furthermore, you guys pulled the exact same shit on the actors on The Simpsons a little while back. You said you were going to get new actors, and then you went and hired the old actors back. It was just a negotiating ploy. I think this means you guys have about as much credibility as the parent that tells their child their face is going to freeze like that.

We know in this day and age it’s important to feel like you’re getting value for your money. You’re also trying to create a series people will watch. When Comedy Central decided to air the third season of Chappelle’s Show despite the lack of involvement of Dave Chappelle the ratings took a nosedive. And Dave Chappelle was still in those episodes. You have a legit disaster looming on the horizon here. If the reported salary demands of $75,000 per episode are accurate you guys should consider it a bargain. Sure over the course of 26 episodes you’d be paying those 5 actors $9.75 million dollars but that pales in comparison to the $40 million you pay Keifer Sutherland for 24 episodes of 24. And 24 is just flat out worse than Futurama. If the show is too expensive to make the way it should be just don’t make the show. Don’t corrupt something we already care about to maximize profitability. We’re pretty sure Futurama fans have taken enough abuse already.