Supposed to Grow Old, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise

July 11, 2009 Martha Thomases 9 Comments

This is an odd week for me. I’m in Florida, taking care of my Dad, who fractured a vertebrae and needs company. He’s waiting to be able to have a procedure, during which they inject him with a substance that fuses the bone and, I believe, turns him into a Terminator. Until then, he’s in terrible pain, as anyone would be with a broken back.

“Don’t get old,” he tells me.

“It beats the alternative,” I reply.

And, since I am (knock wood), free of pain at the moment, I’d like to talk about the top ten good things about getting old.

10. Movies are nearly half-price. And they’ll give you headphones if you tell them you’re hard of hearing, and then you don’t have to listen to the idiots who talk through the film.

9. You can flirt with young men, and people think it’s cute. Don’t make a real pass, though, or they’ll think it’s creepy. Trust me on this.

8. You can wear comfortable clothing instead of high heels and tight skirts. If you want, you can still wear high heels and tight skirts, but I don’t know why you’d want to.

7. Medicare. It’s not perfect, but it’s much easier than regular health insurance. I haven’t seen my dad fill out a single form.

6. People are completely amazed that you can do anything at all. “You walked from 14th Street to 34th Street? At your age?” If you are able to use your cell phone without assistance, they’ll think you’re Einstein.

5. If you want to eat dinner at 4:30, you can. And if you don’t want to, you don’t have to. Also, if you wanted to eat one dinner at 4:30 and another at 9:30, no one would object.

4. You can have a real conversation with your children, because they are grown-ups, too. And you can continue to be silly with them because, hey, they’re your kids.

3. You can’t get pregnant.

2. You’ve lived long enough to appreciate a good story, and that makes it more fun to know people. New people mean new stories. You value your friends because they provide a new perspective, instead of resenting your differences.

Which leads to:

1. Old people have old friends. You’ve met my friend, Pennie, whom I’ve known since the mid-1970s. Some friends from high school (class of 1971) also occasionally pop up on this board, so you might remember them, too. I have friends I still talk to from the mid 1960s. That’s a lot of shared history, private jokes, and community. You can’t buy it, or sell it, but it only gets more valuable.

Media Goddess Martha Thomases has taken to telling people she is 79 so they will tell her how fabulous she looks for her age.