Choo-Choo Go Fast, by Mike Gold – Brainiac On Banjo #136
September 21, 2009 Mike Gold 11 Comments
Faster than a speeding bullet? Dream on!
I’m not getting all gooey-nostalgic here, although I’ll cop to the nostalgic undertones. I’m going to wail on about railroad travel. No kidding.
I’ve got a hidden agenda here. I don’t like flying. I don’t hate flying; I hate airports and I hate being treated like shit. With the schlep out to the airport that, obviously, must be in the middle of nowhere (for me, that means a drive of nearly 90 minutes, if traffic’s okay), plus time waiting and selectively stripping for security, the delays, the long wait for luggage – assuming it arrives at all – and the hassle of getting the rental car and then driving to my real destination, it takes me exactly as long to drive from Connecticut to Michigan as it does to fly there – and at a small fraction of the cost. If my wife and daughter come along, I’m saving a small fortune.
If you go to Europe or Japan, you’ll see a lot of high-speed rail – trains taking human beings at speeds upwards of 200 miles per hour. It’s safe; in the 44-year history of Japan’s bullet train, there have been no passenger fatalities due to derailments or collisions. It’s very cost effective, with minimal harmful impact on the environment, aside from the noise.
As Americans, we like to think of ourselves as technological leaders pioneering modern conveniences and all sorts of progress. Sadly, when it comes to transportation, we’re not even also-rans. We don’t even have a horse in the race. Our trains are slow, expensive, inefficient, kind of smelly, hardly go anywhere, and would make Agatha Christie cringe.
We don’t put any money into it. Amtrak uses other company’s rails and doesn’t have the right-of-way over freight. We need to upgrade to an effective high-speed rail system to provide competition to the car and the airplane, take us from center-of-town to center-of-town, save us a few bucks – and a lot of sanity.
Oh, and whereas I believe in the right to own guns, I think the whole idea of allowing handguns on Amtrak is the stupidest thing I’ve heard of since the death panels.
Mike Gold performs the weekly two-hour Weird Sounds Inside The Gold Mind ass-kicking bizarro music and blather show starts up Sundays at 7:00 PM Eastern on www.getthepointradio.com , replayed the following Thursdays at 10:00 PM Eastern. Likewise, his Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind rants pop up every on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday exclusively at www.getthepointradio.com . The regular Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind rants continue every Monday and Friday on The Point podcasts, available right here at www.michaeldavisworld.com , as well as at www.comicmix.com, www.getthepointradio.com, www.zzcomics.com, and www.ravenwolfstudios.com. You can subscribe to The Point podcasts at iTunes by searching under “The Point Radio.”
Gold is also a regular contributor to www comicmix.com, and edits their online comic book content. Check out the all-new GrimJack: The Manx Cat #4, Jon Sable Freelance: Ashes of Eden #2, and the graphic novelDemons of Sherwood now being solicited in the IDW Publishing section of this month’s Diamond catalog.
Marc Alan Fishman
September 21, 2009 - 10:58 am
Coming from a city where trains are a MAJOR part of the working man’s (and working women’s…) life… I agree. My commute from my apartment door to train platform is 5 minutes, limping. From the downtown station where I’m left off to my office… I can walk the mile to get there, OR take the brown line L train to the merch mart, and walk, literally… 3 city blocks. I should note though, the train adds a 2 hour round trip to my daily commute. Would I like that to be faster? Sure I would.
I’d love to see America adopt the European or Japanese railway system. As our cars seem to get smaller again, and gas is staying… well… not as cheap as when I started driving (YES, we know how short a time that’s been, but still)… A rail system would be a welcome change. And with more options to see our great country (I mean, I still need to see what a Wal-Mart toy section looks like on the East coast as opposed to being here…) the addition of REAL rail travel might give a competitive boost versus airfares… driving prices down, and letting people have a little breathing room when they go from place to place.
BUT, how expensive would it be to adopt this technology, and upgrade our railways to make this happen? How would we pay for it? How many additional jobs would it create? Lots of questions, and I’d love to see some answers from our government on it. Obama promised a big railway change back in November… another thing I’d like to see followed up on. Eyes to the future Mike. Great thought!
Alan Coil
September 21, 2009 - 11:53 am
Detroit to Chicago is faster by car, too. A friend of mine drives to Florida 2 or 3 times a year instead of taking a more costly flight. There are 4 in his family, so tickets to fly gets expensive.
Mike Gold
September 21, 2009 - 11:59 am
When I used to take the commuter train into Manhattan each day, I would bitch and moan about my one hour train ride — plus another 15 minutes to the station and 20 from Grand Central Terminal to DC’s offices, which constantly moved further away (and will be again). But then all I had to do was look out the window and see millions and millions of cars stuck on I-95 and I wondered why they do that.
As any driver from Chicago, Boston, New York, Baltimore, Washington and a handful of other cities knows all too well, if not for the light railroad (trolly, commuter, subway, elevated) we’ have total gridlock. I think of that every time I get stuck in Los Angeles traffic. And I REALLY think about this every time I get stuck in traffic out to ANY major airport.
Mike Gold
September 21, 2009 - 12:01 pm
Alan, I can WALK from Detroit to Chicago faster than I can take an airplane. O’Hare is one of the busiest and most difficult airports is America, and Detroit is actually midway between Detroit and Ann Arbor. Actually, it’s literally not far from Hell — Hell, Michigan, that is.
John Tebbel
September 21, 2009 - 1:20 pm
Amtrak owned Northeast corridor is great, the rest of the country they rent from the freight lines which are in disrepair, to put it kindly.
Follow the money, how much more goes into the hands of the big boys with thousands of miles of concrete superhighways (ha!) getting trashed each and every winter, and private cars (like some undercoating?) than if they build a railway?
It’s alright, really, we like slavery. Wouldn’t have it any other way. We love the rich. I’m going to be one by and by, eat some pie, in the sky, when I die. Mmm.
And, uh, can I get a ride from anyone?
Steve Atkins
September 22, 2009 - 1:18 pm
Why is everything underlined?
Is that some wry, subliminal subway reference?
Mike Gold
September 22, 2009 - 2:40 pm
That’s a funny line.
Nothing’s underlined on my screen, but being a Chicagoan I prefer elevateds anyway.
Mike Gold
September 22, 2009 - 2:42 pm
Oh, and John — Amtrak doesn’t own all of the northeast corridor tracks. You can tell whenever there’s a layup in New Jersey. Count on that about once a week.
Chris Toia
September 23, 2009 - 2:35 am
I’m always confounded by the idea that the cost of constructing better public transportation would be too great. The argument is always thatin the good ol’ US of A our dollars line the pockets of the great car barons, and those cars are just another way of expressing our maximum degree of personal freedom and choice.
Here’s the problem though, I’ve lived in New York and I’m living in Los Angeles. This year I will drive approximately 20,000 miles. The only good thing about driving 20,000 miles in Los Angeles is that it affords me plenty of time to think about how completely batshit crazy it is to drive everyday in a major metropolis. I mean, honestly New York’s subway system is becoming more and more inadequate by the day. Yet when I compare the experience of straphanging in New York to driving in LA it’s like comparing the mild discomfort of a pinprick to receiving a daily prostate exam courtesy of the clumsiest doctor at the discount clinic.
Here’s a cost that can’t be measured, during my commute on NY’s F train no matter how crowded the subway was I could always figure out a way to lift one arm in the air and read a book, or the paper, or stare at that hot girl with the funky glasses. The best thing I get out here is two for Tuesdays on KROK… yes I know there are books on tape but I’d rather listen to NOW!!! That’s what I Call Nails on a Chalkboard Volume 7. Besides the prima facie benefit of more time to read, this also provides time to unwind and reflect slightly before starting work. Not to mention the immeasurable benefit of the fact that after work no matter how many drinks I imbibe I could get home without being responsible for operating an incredibly heavy and dangerous piece of machinery. The benefits of New York’s fully realized public transportation system are so numerous they could fill the empty seats on LA’s subway. I can’t even imagine what New York would be like if the MTA resembled a competently run organization.
That said, I do have a certain fondness for cars. I just think it should be illegal to commute in a personal motor vehicle (in an urban area of course). They’re great fun to play with, but like any other toy they should have their time and place.
My point is public transportation should be just that, transportation that provides superior service to the public. The bus is not going to pass muster. The idea that we’re not strong enough as a people to force our government to act and build us a better more cohesive train system seems to me fostered in two areas of doubt. The first is that the benefits of a quality high speed transit system are not great enough to outweigh the cost of new infrastructure. Second is simply that ‘car culture’ is too ingrained in the public conscious. These doubts are both complete bullshit. Car culture is the product of too many years of inexpensive cars and even cheaper fuel. If gas were six-dollars a gallon I think we’d see people dismantling their cars to form the rails for a new trolley system in LA. As a form of everyday transportation the benefits on the environment, and psyche, not to mention long-term cost of using a quality rapid transit vs. cars are vast.
I should mention while I was writing this comment I was also about two thirds of the way through completing my eight hour online traffic school for the state of California.
P.S. The only reason they won’t allow guns on Amtrak is there’s no way Amtrak could provide enough hazard pay to hold on to any conductors.
Chris Toia
September 24, 2009 - 8:23 pm
I’ve lived in NYC and nowblive in Los Angeles.
I have to say, if the subways in New York are a pain in the ass then driving in LA is a daily colonoscopy from the clumsy doctor at the free clinic.
Which is to say I don’t know how to put a price on the sanity and convenience that a quality public transit system offers. Shit- just imagine if the MTA in New York were run by people with even the slightest modicum of competency.
Mike Gold
September 24, 2009 - 11:58 pm
The MTA’s got a tough job, Chris. They’ve got to run a very, very antiquated system on no budget whatsoever. I’m amazed it works as well as it does. There’s no way they can rebuild the subway system to meet the needs of the 21st century — they don’t have, and can’t get, the money. Imagine what it would be like if they could extend the subway to JFK and LaGuardia. Won’t happen in my lifetime.
LA’s got a similar problem, but it was based upon the greed and shortsightedness of a half-century ago. They can’t rebuild the expressway system, and they can’t afford much of a subway or light rail system.
We can build us an inter-city bullet train system, starting with the heaviest traffic corridors: Boston – New York – Philadelphia – Washington, Detroit – Chicago – St. Louis, San Diego – Los Angeles – San Francisco. Then extend each of those: New York – Cleveland – Chicago, linking up with the service to St. Louis and extending that to Kansas City – Denver – Las Vegas – Los Angeles. Imagine an express bullet train from Los Angeles to New York City. Maybe 14 hours, tops.