Rejecting Socialism Once And For All, by Mike Gold – Brainiac On Banjo #135

September 14, 2009 Mike Gold 0 Comments

I’ve rethought the whole health care thing. In fact, I’ve rethought the whole socialized everything thing. Socialism is evil indeed, and it must be completely rejected if we are to maintain the American Way.

First of all, we’ve got to get rid of our socialized roads. Sell them all off to private industry. Why should my tax dollars support roads poor people use? We’ve sold off a fair amount of our toll roads nationwide, and outside of the increase in tolls, that’s worked out great. No more Ché Guevara Freeways for Americans!

Come to thing of it, why should I have to pay if your house burns down? Hire your own fire security outfit. If your fire burns my house, I’ll sue your ass off. Same thing with the police. Back in the 19^th century, many – if not most – major municipal police forces were privately run, and we made it to the 21^st century, didn’t we? Just make sure you’ve got your charge card at the ready, and no Commie steals it from you.

What about water filtration and sewage treatment? Please. It’s not my fault if you can’t afford Nestlé water. Our tax dollars do not pay for your Dom Perignon, do they? So why water filtration? If you can’t afford access to our sewer system, don’t shit.

Why do we have all those health research grants and programs like the National Institutes of Health? Yeah, I know, the pharmaceutical industry makes a lot of money off of their research, but damn it, socialism is communism, and communism is fascism, and our grandfathers died so you don’t have to goosestep down the boulevard unless you want to. That’s what freedom is all about!

And isn’t it about time we finally privatized social security? I mean, just imagine how much money you’d have if you invested your FICA deductions in the stock market say, a year ago. Or invested with one of our fine money mangers – people so wonderful they selflessly work with retirees and non-profit organizations and Holocaust survivor freedom fighters. Get with the program; socialism is bad. Greed is good, and Gordon Gekko is great.

Don’t you get it? Government shouldn’t be in the health care business. Medicare? C’mon. Barack Obama doesn’t want to kill your grandmother.

No, he doesn’t. I do.

Much of our military is already in the hands of mercenaries like whatever Blackwater is calling itself today. Screw it; turn the whole thing over to them. Who needs all those Pentagon expenses? We’ve got too many generals anyway. Let’s follow General President Dwight D. Eisenhower’s advice from a half-century ago and finally destroy the military/industrial complex by simply having industry replace the military.

As the awesome Ronald Reagan said, albeit in far more simple words, the government has no business running anything. Least of all our government.