McDonald’s Takes The Rap, by Mike Gold – Brainiac On Banjo #142

November 2, 2009 Mike Gold 0 Comments

Oh, hell. The world really is coming to an end, awash in madness and paranoia. Here’s the latest evidence. 
There’s a town in Utah called American Fork. Hey, look, don’t blame me – I don’t name these places. Population of 22,000, it’s 30 miles south of Salt Lake City. I point this out in case you’

re in the neighborhood and feeling a bit peckish. 

 

Last week, four teenagers decided to emulate a You Tube video by driving up to their local McDonald’s and placing their order in rap – that is, the four did an improvised rap tune that told the order taker what they wanted. Look, they’re teen-agers. Like you didn’t do goofy stuff when you were a kid. Like you didn’t do goofy stuff last week. Besides, I’ll bet in American Fork Utah there aren’t lot of fun things to do.  

Anyway, they were told to leave because, by rapping, they had to repeat their order and, therefore, were holding up the line. Aside from the fact that I’ve never gone through one of those drive-throughs without repeating at least part of my order – and then hoping they actually got it right – there was a small problem with McDonald’s position. The 18 year-old and the three 17 year-olds were the only people in line. The manager wrote down the license plate number and called the cops, who tracked down their car – I’m sure this wasn’t hard in a town of 22,000 –

and busted the four teens for disorderly conduct. 

No kidding. Franchise owner Conny Kramer said he was concerned for the employees’safety. Four teens in a car doing rap is a threat? Forget about all those guys in their F-150s with the gun racks mounted in their cab; four teenagers mumbling rap music from the enclosed confines of their automobile constitutes a threat worthy of the attention of the American Fork police department.  

Let’s get real. The “food”these clowns are selling constitutes a far, far greater threat. 

I am not blaming the folks of American Fork for anything other than tolerating their dumb name. Paranoia-induced stupidity is a national disease, particularly in Red states. We don’t know if those kids were white, black, Asian, American Indian or Venusian, although, unfortunately, I can see where a gaggle of black teenagers singing their hamburger order in rap would exacerbate the locals’ darkest fantasies, given the fact that the black population of American Fork is 0.16%, or about 30 people. Nice to see current economic trauma hasn’t affected the need for maid service, I guess. 

Moral of the story: if you want to sing your order, go to the Burger King at 215 E. State Road (less than a quarter-mile to the west) and hope the clerk is a senior citizen. Just make certain you’re singing “Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce; special orders don’t upset us.”—-

 

Mike Gold performs the weekly two-hour Weird Sounds Inside The Gold Mind ass-kicking bizarro music and blather show starts up Sundays at 7:00 PM Eastern on www.getthepointradio.com, replayed the following Thursdays at 10:00 PM Eastern. Likewise, his Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind rants pop up every on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday exclusively at www.getthepointradio.com. The regular Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind rants continue every Monday and Friday on The Point podcasts, available right here at www.michaeldavisworld.com, as well as at www.comicmix.com,www.getthepointradio.com, www.zzcomics.com, and www.ravenwolfstudios.com. You can subscribe to The Point podcasts at iTunes by searching under “The Point Radio.” 

Gold is also a regular contributor to www comicmix.com, and edits their online comic book content. Check out the all-new GrimJack: The Manx Cat #6 andJon Sable Freelance: Ashes of Eden #4, and Andrew Pepoy’s The Adventures of Simon and Ajax, now being solicited in the IDW Publishing section of this month’s Diamond catalog.