I Finally Get It, by Mike Gold – Brainiac On Banjo #149

December 21, 2009 Mike Gold 16 Comments

When I was a kid, I wondered why all the old people – you know, the adults – kept on babbling about how the world has gone to hell in a hand-basket. Not having the seasoning to facilitate a comparison, I thought all those stupid adults were dumping on my world. It was my generation’s stuff they didn’t understand. I mean, the Beatles totally flipped them out and they hounded both The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour and the innocuous Bridget Loves Bernie off the air.

I was right that they didn’t get it. But they were also right: the world is always going to hell in a hand-basket. Yin and Yang, brothers and sisters. Yin and Yang. Now I’m old enough to look around me and mutter “the damn world’s going to hell in a hand-basket.”

Case in point: “Deck The Halls” is a holiday song that dates back to medieval times. Even Mozart played it. So you’ll forgive me if I didn’t realize just how seditious a song it is.

“Deck The Halls” promotes that evil gay agenda. Right there in the fifth line – if you don’t count the two lines of “Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.”

So a bunch of gay-hating activists have changed the song. Gone is the line “Don we now our gay apparel.” I’ll repeat that, in case you’re reading too fast: Gone is the line “Don we now our gay apparel.”

I got confused when ABC dumped Adam Lambert from all of its programming after his sexually explicit performance on the American Music Awards. ABC is owned by Disney, and Disney also owns Miley Cyrus. They still pump the hell out of her long after the 16 year-old jail bait performed an equally explicit pole-dance at last summer’s Teen Choice Awards. Can you say “double standard?” I knew you could.

So now we have a version of “Deck The Halls” without that horrible, life-altering, evil line about just how fey Christmas clothing can be. I guess that makes my heterosexual marriage safe.

See? I told you the world’s going to hell in a hand-basket.

“Fast away the old year passes.” Indeed. But not fast enough.

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la motherfuckers!

Mike Gold performs the weekly two-hour Weird Sounds Inside The Gold Mind ass-kicking bizarro music and blather show starts up Sundays at 7:00 PM Eastern onwww.getthepointradio.com, replayed the following Thursdays at 10:00 PM Eastern. Likewise, his Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind rants pop up every on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday exclusively at www.getthepointradio.com. The regular Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind rants continue every Monday and Friday on The Point podcasts, available right here at www.michaeldavisworld.com, as well as at www.comicmix.com, www.getthepointradio.com, www.zzcomics.com, and www.ravenwolfstudios.com. You can subscribe to The Pointpodcasts at iTunes by searching under “The Point Radio.”

Gold is also a regular contributor to www comicmix.com, and edits their online comic book content. Check out the all-new GrimJack: The Manx Cat #6 and Jon Sable Freelance: Ashes of Eden #4, and Andrew Pepoy’s The Adventures of Simon and Ajax, now being solicited in the IDW Publishing section of this month’s Diamond catalog.

Oh, and please go out Wednesday and buy a copy of Trevor Von Eeden’s The Original Johnson. It’s a great book, we’ve all worked hard on it, Trevor’s spent 15 years of his life on it, it’s his best stuff, and it’s got a lot of good, clean, non-gratuitous sex and nudity. From IDW/ComicMix.