Jews Should Know Better, by Mike Gold – Brainiac On Banjo #147
December 7, 2009 Mike Gold 0 Comments
This week, the folks in New Jersey are going to debate legalizing same-sex marriage. They’re doing so in order to give the bill a shot at passage and signing: the incoming governor, a Republican of course, said he’d veto it. And these people were worried about the Kennedy family taking orders from the pope.
More significant, during a CBS News radio interview one orthodox Jew said that if this were to become national policy, all orthodox Jews would have to leave the country.
To this I say: please take all your other shithead fundamentalists with you. And go on, let the door hit you on the ass on your way out. We have more than enough bigots here in America; the idea of boatloads of them leaving is an almost sexually stimulating concept.
Jews should know better. You look up “persecution – global, historical” in the dictionary and you see a picture of Mel Brooks from his Robin Hood movie. And, yes, I will reinforce the phrase orthodoxJew. And I will stipulate that there are as many different types of orthodox Jews as there are, well, orthodox Jews. Ergo, this shithead does not speak for all orthodox Jews. But from a lifetime of being a proud Ashkenazi-American, I know he speaks for a whole lot.
After millennia of persecution, you’d think there’d be a bit of understanding for those shit on in similar fashion. I wonder if the orthodox Jews waiting their turn in the Nazi showers spent their last moments on Earth dissing their gay bunkmates – between 5,000 and 15,000 homosexuals were put to death in German concentration camps during World War II.
Please do not attempt to trivialize their deaths by saying “well, six million Jews were slaughtered in those camps, so screw you.” Honest, even 5,000 is noteworthy. But if you’re going to play thatparticular Jew card, I’ll note that 30 million American Indians were slaughtered after Columbus first visited these shores, so screw you too.
You can practice your religion any way you want, whatever you define your religion to be. Santaria? God bless. Scientology? No weirder that the rest, and even if it is, I don’t care. But your religious rights stop at the very point where the next person’s starts, and so on. Who other people marry is none of your business.
Quite frankly, I have every right to be concerned that people with such attitudes just might follow their biblical teachings and start stoning the infidels to death. I’m not exaggerating: American religious fundamentalists think nothing of killing abortion workers – or of supporting those murderers by immediately saying “well, these people kill babies, so I can see where…” No, you can’t, you bigoted asshole. We can debate just when a being is born – if we’re up for such useless activity – but I think we can agree that if you think it’s sometime before the moment the blot pops from the twat, then it doesn’t lose that status in med school.
Silly me. Of course we can’t.
Americans like to position all Moslems as threats; that’s a load of bull. All religious fundamentalists are threats to those of us who do not share their spiritual persuasion. They have no business taking a crap on individual freedom, no matter what they personally believe. So if you want to get into a big snit and go, sayofuckinara.
Mike Gold performs the weekly two-hour Weird Sounds Inside The Gold Mind ass-kicking bizarro music and blather show starts up Sundays at 7:00 PM Eastern on www.getthepointradio.com, replayed the following Thursdays at 10:00 PM Eastern. Likewise, his Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind rants pop up every on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday exclusively at www.getthepointradio.com. The regular Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind rants continue every Monday and Friday on The Point podcasts, available right here at www.michaeldavisworld.com, as well as at www.comicmix.com, www.getthepointradio.com, www.zzcomics.com, and www.ravenwolfstudios.com. You can subscribe to The Point podcasts at iTunes by searching under “The Point Radio.”
Gold is also a regular contributor to www comicmix.com, and edits their online comic book content. Check out the all-new GrimJack: The Manx Cat #6 and Jon Sable Freelance: Ashes of Eden #4, and Andrew Pepoy’s The Adventures of Simon and Ajax, now being solicited in the IDW Publishing section of this month’s Diamond catalog.
Martha Thomases
December 7, 2009 - 7:58 am
It’s a shanda. These same Orthodox Jews are the ones who would deny other kinds of Israeli Jews equal rights under the law. It seems to me that if the justification of the State of Israel is that Jews need a safe place to hide from future Hitlers, that the only criteria should be how much of a Jew Hitler would consider one to be.
Save me from all kinds of fundamentalists. In fact, save me from anyone who claims to have God on his side.
Marc Alan Fishman
December 7, 2009 - 9:13 am
From the same sect of Jews who don’t count women for certain religious rites and prayers… Hate to see Jew on Jew hate, but frankly, it’s deserved here. It’s hilarious to me that the government thinks it’s got any right to inform it’s people who can and can’t get married. Yes, there’s tax changes, etc., but seriously, who gives a sh*t? Being gay is something you ARE, not something you CHOOSE. And the whole bleepin’ point of this nation was founded on the freedom of CHOICE. The freedom to be any sect of Christianity you so chose… be it Quaker, Protestant, Lutheran, Catholic, Methodist, Maranite… And hey, let the jews in too! They are like Christians that don’t mind the sin of loans with interest! AND thy have those funny hats and sideburn curl things!!
At my wedding, Matt and my friend Nikko started to slow dance (hilariously, I might add)… and my Great Aunt calls me over to her. “Who are THEY?” She exclaims. “Oh, that’s Matt, my best friend, and Nikko, a friend I met through my comic shop.” She scowled. “Are they… SPECIAL friends?”… “No! Matt just got married to Amy, and Nikko is as straight as an arrow.” … She huffed. “Well, you could have fooled me. Queer is queer, and WE (jews, I think she assumes) don’t tolerate that.”
Funny enough? Her own grand-daughter is a lesbian.
At the end of the day, the government needs to let it’s people live how they want, so long as it doesn’t impede on their neighbor. Put marriage in the hands of the religions that perform the rites, for those who worship… and for those who don’t? A judge should do it, BY LAW.
Mike Gold
December 7, 2009 - 10:38 am
Marc — “We Jews don’t tolerate that.” Ha! Tell the Ritz Brothers!
And I don’t think judges should be involved in marriage. Or religious leaders, as a matter of law (I mean, if you want to have some sort of religious ceremony, that’s swell, but the legal act of marrying — nope; separation of church and state). I think if two adults want to get married they go to their city hall, tell them the effective date, pay the marriage tax, get their receipt, and go on to whatever ritual(s) they want — if any. The government has NO business being in the marriage regulation racket.
Martha — I wonder… if I had a daughter to name, would I name her Shanda? Sounds like a 1950s jungle girl queen.
Marc Alan Fishman
December 7, 2009 - 11:47 am
It’s Shanda of the Jungle! Riding her trusty pet, Ungabluzum!
Reg
December 7, 2009 - 2:20 pm
” I’m not exaggerating: American religious fundamentalists think nothing of killing abortion workers….”
C’mon Mr. Mike…. that’s a reeeaaally broad brush you’re painting with there, man.
Mike Gold
December 7, 2009 - 2:30 pm
Reg — Okay. Substitute “little” for “nothing.”
Every time I hear or read about this, the fundamentalists say words to the effect of “Yes, I agree,” or “Well, I wouldn’t do that, but these people are baby killers so I can see their point.” Each and every time. So if this does not paint a reasonable picture of fundamentalist philosophy, they desperately need to do some spin control.
They could try and hire either Martha or me; either of us can handle the job nicely. I doubt we’d pass their litmus test, but if they’ve got good medical/dental…
pennie
December 7, 2009 - 6:39 pm
Thanks Mike.
Let’s see…a group that treats women as inferior and “unclean” at least once a month…that considers lesbians trafe–and their co-conspirators offal…they can’t be all THAT bad. Why they’re sorta like…Republicans.
Reg
December 7, 2009 - 10:34 pm
Mike – The medical and dental is not too bad, but the 3N1 Savings Plan is out of this world! ;-P
This is the thing… I understand why some expressions of ‘fundamentalism’ (esp. the Christian variant)elicits varying degrees of anger/frustration/hatred. Especially when some forget, or never comprehend the truth behind “….The letter of the Law kills, but the Spirit gives life.” – 2nd Cor.3:6
Fundamentalism basically means those who adhere to the core tenets of their respective faiths. What’s odd to me is that the benefits to society that have been derived from those same adherents are overlooked or just blatantly ignored when the axes are brought out for grinding.
The American Red Cross, the Salvation Army, Habitat for Humanity…and a virtually unlimited host of other programs and services that have been created and supported by ALL those heinous, evil, narrow minded fundies who hate everything and everybody that do not believe as they believe. But then again, I must be mistaken…because surely such people would in no way sacrifice their time, resources, bodies, and even their lives to help folks who don’t look, think, or share their faith. Right?
Pennie – Oddly enough, the women as ‘inferior @ unclean during their menstrual cycles’ are actually elements extracted from the ancient Jewish culture and certainly aren’t indicative of modern belief structure either in Judaism or Christianity. And truth to be told, both at the beginnings of the Christian faith up unto today, women have been at the forefront of leadership and impact.
Mike Gold
December 8, 2009 - 9:22 am
Pennie — They’re a lot like Republicans. Just ask Joe Lieberman. And say hi to him for me.
Reg — That’s usually the argument we heathens hear in defense of religion: the good it’s done. With all due respect, and to quote Lenny Bruce, yadda yadda yadda.
Yes, there are rarely examples of evil people who are without redeeming values. Even Doctor Doom’s done some great shit. But there isn’t a quid pro quo here. Discrimination, intolerance, and violence do not make up for crusades, inquisitions, and pogroms. The Ku Klux Klan had a thing for Christianity and did a lot of solid community service — just ask Harry Truman — but if you were black or non-Christian, you might have a different point of view.
As for the American Red Cross and, to a lesser extent, the Salvation Army… well, those are not examples I would use. Both have very strong records of discrimination, and the Red Cross is so astonishingly homophobic — more so than even the Boy Scouts of America, another Christian organization — that I refuse to support the National Office and, since they dictate the local’s policies, I won’t contribute my blood to them until they start accepting blood from gay men. Once presumes they screen the blood from heterosexuals (if not, then I do not want their blood should I ever need it). Then again, the last time I tried to donate blood to the American Red Cross (prior to this anti-gay edict) they rejected me because I had acupuncture a decade earlier.
Also I’m not crazy about the way they won’t affiliate with the Israeli Mogen David because the latter won’t use the cross as their icon, even though they gladly affiliate with the Red Crescent. Discriminate much, healing hypocrites?
There are many other, equally serious charges that have been made against the American Red Cross dating back to (at least) World War I. Not a good organization. And they pay their fundraisers way, way too much money to qualify as a charity in my book. Yeah, many of the locals do a lot of good. I just wish they were more careful about who they get into bed with.
As for women being unclean during menstruation being something of the ancient past, I’ve got an orthodox cousin you should talk to. Then again, like most orthodox Jews I’ve know, they certainly can give you a highly detailed response — so if you call him, I recommend you do so about 30 minutes before sunset.
Reg
December 8, 2009 - 9:40 am
Mike – Good points all….
Heathen.
😛
Mike Gold
December 8, 2009 - 9:45 am
Yeah, just wait until you hear my Christmas show on The Point a week from Sunday…
Vinnie Bartilucci
December 8, 2009 - 11:19 am
“the last time I tried to donate blood to the American Red Cross (prior to this anti-gay edict) they rejected me because I had acupuncture a decade earlier.”
So their policy against having foreign objects inserted into the body still holds?
Mike Gold
December 8, 2009 - 1:01 pm
This was a while ago, Vinnie, before they started asking men if they had same-sex sex. The response I received from the Red Cross at the time was rather chilling: “If you would do that, who knows what else you’ve done to yourself?” I mentioned acupuncture has been around for 2500 years. Then I swiped some jelly beans, ate one defiantly, and left for greener pastures.
pennie
December 8, 2009 - 5:32 pm
Mike: Joe Lieberman–stagnation within representation. He owes us some serious money.
Reg: Haven’t done a poll but I believe that to this day (rather than back in one) a fair share of Orthodox Jewish congregations still clearly segregate genders with females observing from upstairs separated from men who participate closer to the action. Key word is participate.
Genesis of this: patriarchal discrimination generously spiked with a major fear of female cycles beyond their control.
MOTU
December 10, 2009 - 2:50 pm
Man, I love our forum 🙂
Rick Oliver
December 11, 2009 - 11:31 am
Reg:
re:
“Fundamentalism basically means those who adhere to the core tenets of their respective faiths.”
This is a functionally meaningless definition of “fundamentalism”. I suspect your intent is to make fundamentalism sound harmless and even sensible. But if one does not “adhere to the core tenets of their respective faiths”, then what makes them “members” of their respective faiths in any manner at all? Parse this sentence: “I’m a Christian but I don’t adhere to the core tenets of my faith.” It makes no sense at all. You could just as easily call yourself a Hindu or a Sufi or a Muslim with the same disclaimer. “I’m a member of all religions. I just don’t adhere to the core tenets of any of my faiths.”
I think you would find that the connotation typically associated with the term fundamentalism would be something like rigid adherence to a set of “fundamental” principles (defined by the particular group), and often by intolerance of other views and opposition to secularism.
You may disagree with that definition, but your definition has no practical value since by your definition virtually all members of a particular faith are “fundamentalists”, and therefore there is no point in making a distinction between fundamentalism and “mainstream” belief systems.