The Good, The Bad, The Technology, by Q. Reyes – Artistic Warfare #51

December 6, 2009 Q. Reyes 0 Comments

My phone was a piece of shit. I could barely make or receive phone calls because it was stuck on some hourglass graphic that practically took ten minutes to go away. So I went to the Sprint store and cursed them out like you couldn’t believe. I went off on all the sales people there, the manager, even the cops that asked me to leave the store. Sprint’s response was, “Sir, you don’t have an account with us.” I knew that… but I was practicing for when I went to T-mobile and put my foot up someone’s ass. Needless to say, I got a new phone now and so far it’s working beautifully.

The thing that bugged me most about my phone was that I couldn’t receive text messages sometimes; but now that my phone is all good, I get every single message. That’s not a good thing. I got a friend that does nothing but send me porn via text. Like if porn via email wasn’t good enough. Really, bro? You’re texting me porn? Because I can easily pull up to the side of the freeway and rub one off? Or should I stop my lunch and handle my business in the Denny’s bathroom?

See, I’m very meticulous about my porn. Porn is tricky. You better get what you’re looking for within the first few images, because if not, you’ll get numb and you’re going to start needing harder porn by the second. Then, that porn is not good enough, either, so you need even more hardcore porn. That’s why you find yourself eight hours later masturbating to pictures of Homer Simpson fisting a chicken. At least that’s what my masturbating friends tell me.

The moral to this article is that technology has made sinning too accessible. You can look at anything online – the question is whether you want to. I do. I look at anything at least once. Why not? It’s like those people who refuse to watch the “2 Girls 1 Cup Video” – why not? You don’t have to make it a Blockbuster night, but it’s alright to satisfy your curiosity and see what the heck is the video about. If you’ve never seen it, google it and watch it right now. You’ll thank me later.

Beyond the perils of the technological advances that our culture is experiencing there lays a loss of human contact, with an ironic rise in human contact. I’ll explain. It’s called Craigslist.org. Just when you thought you found a place to buy and sell cheap furniture, here come the degenerate generation and make it a sex portal unlike any other. If you have accidentally browsed through the “casual encounters” section for hours at a time like I have, then you will notice a pattern of communication that leads to nothing but to witness a regretful night of passion between two to ten underage Filipino transsexual midgets. So I hear.

Back to the lecture at hand. It’s okay to explore. Just be careful, and remember that if you keep doing it, it’s not experimenting. I’m out.