Joy to the World, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise

December 5, 2009 Martha Thomases 9 Comments

Chanukah starts Friday night.

I’m not ready.

Many people to believe that Chanukah is a Jewish Christmas, because it is a time when we exchange gifts.  This is not, in fact, the case.  Chanukah celebrates the victory of the Maccabees (a Jewish sect) over the Greek army.  The Greeks had tried to limit Jewish observance, banning the Sabbath and other rituals.  Not only did the Maccabees defeat the Greeks, but they forcibly circumcised them.

The next time people imply that Jews are wimps, ask them – Does your religion celebrate a time in its history when you used sharp objects on the genitals of your enemies?

Since that original event, a story has been spun about oil and lamps and eight days, which is much more suitable for a fun time with one’s children. We exchange presents to compete with Christmas, and because a week of gifts is fun.  When done properly, starting with a small gift on the first night and building to something spectacular on the eighth night, Chanukah is magical for a lucky Jew.

For a a while.

Precisely because I’m a lucky Jew, I’m 56 years old, white and middle class.  I have enough stuff. While I appreciate tribute, there’s really nothing I need.  Even worse, I’ve been romantically involved with the same man for more than three decades.  That’s more than 250 Chanukah gifts over the years, not to mention birthdays, Valentines Days, etc.  It’s quite difficult for us to surprise each other.

It might be different if we were different kinds of people.  I’ve never been the type who inspires gifts of diamonds, or furs.  Similarly, my husband is not a golfer, a boater, or a titan of industry who requires a private jet.  We know each others quirks of interest, and often pick up something for the other when we are so moved.  It’s something that lasts all year, not just one season.

Gift-giving rituals are weird anyway, when you think about them.  We gather together and give each other items of tribute, ritually packaged to make them seem more special and mysterious.

Why do we do this now?  Winter solstice festivals celebrate the return on the sun.  After six months of the days getting shorter, they start to get longer.  We don’t have to huddle together in the dark for much longer.  While it is still dreary and cold, we join together to eat and drink, to enjoy each other and our lives.  We are mammals and we like to huddle together.  The solstice brings it out in us.

Therefore, instead of giving each other objects, this year, let’s give our significant others something better.  Let’s give each other love.  I would love to have my candles lit for eight nights in a row.  I bet my gentile spouse would enjoy it, too, even though it’s not his tradition. While I don’t really want Santa to come down my chimney, I might consider it if he looked like that guy on the left.

Those would be tidings of comfort and joy.

Media Goddess Martha Thomases thinks watching a kid with a wrapped package is big laughs.