The Bachelor: King OF The Pussy, by Michael Davis – Straight No Chaser #150
January 15, 2010 Michael Davis 0 Comments
I watched ABC-TV’S The Bachelor purely by accident earlier this week.
I switched on the TV so I could play one of the greatest video games known to man, Call Of Duty, Modern Warfare 2, before I could move the input switch to ‘non bullshit’ I was engrossed in the stupidity of the show.
Before I continue I must confess I watch NO TV anymore.
None.
I will watch a movie or play video games but as far as TV shows go I’m done. I no longer watch my once beloved All My Children. Nope, after more than 25 years ( started when I was minus 4, Jean ) I cannot watch that show. I know it’s soap and it’s supposed to be over the top drama but COME ON!
It’s so over the top, so brainless that The Gong Show seems like Shakespeare. Kevin, I know this is a blow to you but Erica and Ryan???
C O M E O N !!!
I don’t even watch the news anymore. I was once a news junkie but there is no news anymore. It’s made up of stupid bullshit and asshole networks like Fox. I learned of The Haiti disaster on the New York Times website and the outstanding piece of work Whitney Farmer did on this very site. I can’t watch the news because it really pisses me off. I really get mad and can feel my blood pressure rise watching assholes just lie about the world and missing the issues. The night of the Haiti earthquake I was on the phone with Whitney and in a moment of dark humor I wondered out loud just how long it would be before some crazy idiot said that Haiti’s earthquake was because they were an evil people or because they started the aids virus or because they were black.
The next day Pat (shoot me I’m in the last stage of rabies) Robinson takes to the airways…
C O M E O N !!!
A lot of people think I’m kidding when I say I’m writing books on the Black experience and another book on Jackie Robinson. I’m not kidding. I think that in all the massive research I’ve done I may have gotten to the point where I see stupid shit in 2010 as…stupid shit. Jackie Robinson played baseball when Black men was still being lynched for just looking at white women. That was news. John and Kate breaking up is gossip.
This brings me to The Bachelor and why I think we are a nation of people who just don’t know what’s important anymore.
Long story short, a woman was kicked off the show because she slept with a producer on the show.
Let me go REALLY slow for those of you who think this is the earth-shattering event the news media would have your stupid ass believe.
The Bachelor is a show that thousands of women try out for. They try out for NO OTHER REASON but to BE ON TV. Thousands of women try out for the show and the dozen or so who make the final cut, all vie for the affection of one man. For some reason whoever ABC picks as the Bachelor becomes irresistible to every single woman on that show.
Yeah, that reality.
Anyway, it seems that there was a young woman on the show who had sex with a producer from the show and that was deemed ‘inappropriate’ behavior.
Inappropriate behavior?
Peeing in church while you sit in a pew is inappropriate behavior.
Shouting, “I have a bomb!” while at the airport is inappropriate behavior.
Saying. “Yes you look fat in that dress.’ When asked the question by your new mother in law is inappropriate behavior.
Going on a reality show where sex is expected at some point if you want to ‘win’ is not inappropriate behavior.
What REALLY cracks me the fuck up is The Bachelor is hurt.
This guy who had no idea who the fuck this woman was when he got up that morning is ‘hurt’ that she put out to someone other than him. How dare she not wait for the possibility that he may choose her pussy over the two -dozen other pussies he had in his house.
Inappropriate behavior?
Somebody tell me who died and made The Bachelor king of the pussy?
What claim did he have on this woman? He’s about to put his tongue and maybe his Johnson in more than a few of those women on the show while he looks for ‘the right one.’
What gives this guy the right to be ‘hurt’ and feel ‘betrayed’ by this woman?
COME ON!!
That woman woke up in the morning realized that The Bachelor is simply entertainment and went about her business that day. She went to the set, struck up a conversation with a guy and ended up getting busy with him.
Note to The Bachelor-you are on a TV show. If you think that every girl left is not getting dick because they are waiting for YOU-then you are an ASSHOLE…and stupid and not very wise in the ways of the world.
You are also NOT King Of The Pussy.
Wait a sec, I do watch one show on TV, I’m now addicted to the show Two and a half Men. It’s the only TV show that I now Tivo. You know why Charlie on that show gets so much ass Mr. Bachelor? Because it’s a TV show, just like yours. The only difference is nobody gets their feelings hurt when a cast member sleeps with someone other than the star….dick.
Martha Thomases
January 15, 2010 - 11:08 am
The Gong Show WAS Shakespearean.
Marc Alan Fishman
January 15, 2010 - 1:13 pm
I admit I still watch TV more than I should… but I am a real fan of some shows out there. House is still decent. Batman Brave and the Bold is good for a laugh every now and again. But yes, there’s just a TON of crap choking the airwaves.
If you want to see the end of civilization MOTU, the Bachelor doesn’t tough a protoplasm spore to the volatile load of acidic death that is “Jesey Shore”. I propose you play “chicken”… load it up, and count the microseconds until you exclaim a string of swears and have to turn off the set.
Alan Coil
January 15, 2010 - 1:18 pm
Michael, you mis-typed Robertson as Robinson, probably because you also mention Jackie Robinson.
Anger makes the brain malfunction.
MOTU
January 15, 2010 - 2:04 pm
Martha said,
“The Gong Show WAS Shakespearean.’
Alas, you are right again dear one.
MOTU
January 15, 2010 - 2:20 pm
Marc,
Jersey Shore IS reality, been to Jersey, lived in Jersey had my car taken by the police when that ran my plates and the info came back that I was driving under suspended NJ license.
Here’s the problem.
1. I never had a New Jersey license and the New York One I had in my procession was valid BUT- I could have been lying. I get that.
2. I never lived at the Address on the compliant. That could had been a lie also.
3. At the time the license was suspended I W A S 1 0 Y E A R S O L D.
Long story short I had to pay a lawyer $6000.00 dollars to prove I was not that Michael Davis who had his license suspended WHEN I W A S 1 0 Y E A R S O L D. The cops had a photo of the license they could have just looked at me and let me go about my merry way but NOPE is was more fun to let the nigger walk 4 miles in November while one of them drove my flashy new sports car.
I moved back to New York as soon as I could.
MOTU
January 15, 2010 - 2:23 pm
Alan said,
“Anger makes the brain malfunction.”
God I hope not, because if it does I’m a dead man walking.
MOTU
January 15, 2010 - 2:31 pm
BTW-‘King Of The Pussy’ trademark & copyright Michael Davis 2010
Marc Alan Fishman
January 15, 2010 - 3:02 pm
Isn’t “King of Pussy” an old Police song…
Martha Thomases
January 15, 2010 - 3:21 pm
Was the producer she had sex with fired? Because that would seem only right.
Jeremiah Avery
January 15, 2010 - 4:37 pm
There are some people whose parents I wish had been pro-choice or had just jumped down a flight of stairs. Pat Robertson is one of them.
With the death toll and suffering mounting in Haiti, what does the local news in my area lead with? A story about the sole American death in Haiti reported so far.
McCarthy
January 15, 2010 - 4:48 pm
In other AMC/The Bachelor news, once (and future) Bachelor Bob Guiney and his wife Rebecca Budig are on the verge of splitting up. This was announced shortly after Budig returned to AMC to reprise her role as “Greenlee.”
MOTU
January 15, 2010 - 5:41 pm
Martha said,
“Was the producer she had sex with fired? Because that would seem only right.’
Yep.
MOTU
January 15, 2010 - 6:04 pm
Jeremiah wrote,
“There are some people whose parents I wish had been pro-choice or had just jumped down a flight of stairs…”
When i finish my Time Machine that’s on the list:
Things to do when I finish My Time Machine.
1. Kill Hitler’s parents
2. Kill James Earl Ray’s parents
3. Kill Sirhan Sirhan’s parents
4. Become Rush Limbaugh’s drug pusher ( get the bastard on something that will stop him once and for all)
5. Push Pat Robertson’s mom down a flight of stairs…twice.
6. Buy Google stock
It’s a work in progress…
Reg
January 15, 2010 - 7:25 pm
To quote the inimitable Daffy Duck…”I like him, he’s silly!”
#4 – makes me go ‘hmmmmmm’
#6 – CO-SIGN!!!
Mike Gold
January 16, 2010 - 8:58 am
“3. Kill Sirhan Sirhan’s parents.” MOTU, I’m not sure about that one. We should look into the possibility that Sirhan fired in self-defense. Roosevelt Grier caught him backstage swiping petit fours and attacked him with his knitting needles.
At least, that’s what I heard.
I could be wrong.
Martha Thomases
January 16, 2010 - 2:34 pm
@Mike: Roosevelt Grier did needlepoint, not knitting.
pennie
January 16, 2010 - 4:19 pm
MOTU,
While on your correcting-the-past-initiative, can I request you add banishing the racist medical cretins who didn’t save an injured Bessie Smith so she bled to death?
Can we impale Pop Doc Duvalier?
Baby Doc too?
Can we send Emperor Hirohito to hell?
So many megalomaniacs, fiends and creeps…so little time—unless you’re MOTU with those special powers.
}’;>)
MOTU
January 16, 2010 - 8:21 pm
Pennie,
More things to do when I finish my Time Machine.
11. Banishing the racist medical cretins who didn’t save an injured Bessie Smith so she bled to death. CHECK.
12.Impale Pop Doc Duvalier. CHECK.
13. Impale Baby Doc. CHECK.
“Send Emperor Hirohito to hell” I’m sure his punk ass was IN his own personal Hell the SECOND he he realized he had to kiss America’s ASS.
Then when he died he went to the real one.
Mike Gold
January 17, 2010 - 8:28 am
MOTU / Pennie – Hmmm… Bessie Smith, a regular on Weird Sounds Inside The Gold Mind, will also be popping up this Tuesday on my Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind blurt. Amusingly, the topic is Spider-Man, and the Bessie Smith song I deployed is perfect for the occasion. Loathe that I am to self-promote, but it’s at getthepoint.com.
But I should point out that the Bessie Smith bleeding to death story might be apocryphal. And I’ve been a fan of hers since Columbia did that AWESOME complete reissue series 40 years ago, now available on CD.
Martha – Thanks for the correction. Nice to see which part of the story got to you.
pennie
January 17, 2010 - 8:52 am
MOTU: Much obliged.
Mike: I know some have cast aspirsions on the circumstances surrounding Bessie’s death, but it does have it’s strange fruit to it and just the fact that it, like so many others, were part of the common fabric of the day, gives it resonance.
Have things changed in America?
Not so much as some would hope. Check out the body count of sisters in DC who have suffered the same fate in the last 10 years. Bled to death on the street at night with summoned medics laughing. The “isms” still thrash. I know you know.
And Martha’s timely column this week hits home as well.
PS–I’ve been madly in love with Bessie forever and have the same collection. Uh-huh! Nothing like the Ladies of the Day!
Dan
January 17, 2010 - 9:02 am
Jumping in on Jeremiah’s comment about local news: on the local fox channel’s 10:00 news the day of the Haitian earthquake,they led off with 2 stories about local murders. The fifth story was about Haiti and it lasted less than a minute. I started ranting to my girlfriend about it, till she mentioned it was fox, what did I expect? I went online sent some money to Operation USA (http://www.opusa.org/) and felt a little better.
pennie
January 17, 2010 - 9:03 am
And what more appropriate column to summon Bessie but “King of the Pussy.” Bessie was the Queen.
Mike Gold
January 17, 2010 - 12:42 pm
Pennie — The cover art on those Bessie Smith sets are almost as good as the music inside.
We truly need to put a contemporary face on the health care situation. Quite aside from the almost meaningless legislation currently being hacked up in Congress, there has always been a high number of people who are disadvantaged or suffer from obvious afflictions such as race or appearance (for example, diabetics who are dismissed or incarcerated as drug addicts or drunks) who are dying after being booted out of the ER, harassed by security guards, and/or misdiagnosed by the police.
pennie
January 17, 2010 - 1:26 pm
Mike, you are so on the money (I’m trying to avoid using “right” for reasons obvious).
It’s bad enough when the US health care system places insurmountable obstacles in the path of the poor, disadvantaged, disabled or medically needy.
To then take this same group of people and then deny them medical assistance and relief due to race, gender identity, gender, sexual preference, or cultural difference turns a terrible situation nightmarish and all-too-often, deadly.
MOTU
January 17, 2010 - 7:33 pm
Dan,
I LOVE YOU MAN!
MOTU
January 17, 2010 - 7:34 pm
Mike,
Your notes on the project were fantastic. Thanks.
Dan
January 18, 2010 - 9:58 am
Right back at you, MOTU.
Candy@YourHolisticAgent.com
January 18, 2010 - 10:59 am
Wait a sec! What in the WORLD did P. Robinson say about Haiti?? I also barely watch tv/the news, so luckily, I get shielded from a lot of the b.s., but also blind to much of the b.s.
However may I add, you REALLY might want to take in some Oprah-(the only good thing left, resist as you may!:)
Candy
MOTU
January 19, 2010 - 6:25 pm
Candy,
Trust me you don’t want me to repeat what that idiot said. I’m trying to stay calm at least until after the Mass. election…
I like Oprah and will like her even more if she ever features one of my books on her Book Club.
Funny, I met a Candy the other day. She was quite the little fox. I say that because I have never met a Candy that was not F I N E. I have met two people named Mercedes who were more like a 72 beat up Pinto.
I’m sure from your remarks you are a fine human being also, and a fox…unless you a man…then I’m sure you are fine in a guy kind of way.
R. Maheras
January 23, 2010 - 11:09 pm
MOTU wrote: “I switched on the TV so I could play one of the greatest video games known to man, Call Of Duty, Modern Warfare 2…”
I bought it yesterday and have played about six or seven levels so far. All I can say is, dang! What an intense, amazing game!