Heroin, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise

February 20, 2010 Martha Thomases 5 Comments

Our military forces in Afghanistan began a new offensive this week.

Since I’m a pacifist, I have relatively little insight into military strategy. It’s not my subject, and I’m not going to claim any sort of expertise. Not only am I ignorant, but what I do know about this specific area comes primarily from a movie, which is not exactly up to the standards of civilized debate.

None of this stops me from having an opinion. I’ll try to stay away from those areas in which I’ve already confessed my ignorance.

The reason the military is attacking this region of Afghanistan is that it is a Taliban stronghold. It’s a Taliban stronghold because of the poppies. The Taliban is one of the major players in the opium trade.

There’s a lot of money to be made in opium and heroin, it’s more profitable refinement.

Why is there so much money to be made in opium? One simple reason: It’s illegal. Take away the prohibition, and you’ll take away the money.

Often, when one suggests legalizing addictive drugs, one is accused of being a Dirty Fucking Hippie (as described in my recent column here). While I’m proud to wear that badge (or, in my case, that lovely rhinestone brooch), that’s not what my motivation here. In this instance, I want drugs legalized for the most selfish of reasons; It will make me more safe.

We spend enormous amounts of money criminalizing drugs. Our jails are full of hundreds of thousands of addicts and dealers, all imprisoned at public expense. Our police and military expend large parts of their budgets going after dealers and other drug-involved criminals. As a result, your average addict has to pay a huge price to get his (or her) fix.

I’ve known my share of junkies in my life, and they are less fun than you might imagine. When not nodding out, they tend to be most interested in scoring, or telling you about great scores. Often, they steal. I’m not particularly in favor of hosting an infinite number of addicts in my country, but it would be worth it if that’s what I’d have to do to get the Twin Towers back.

And junkies aren’t any more annoying than drunks.

The line between a legal and an illegal drug is fairly arbitrary. The nearest parallel seems to be to that of pornography – if I like it, it’s erotica, and if you like it, it’s disgusting filth, you pervert. Similarly, marijuana is illegal, but alcohol is advertised during the Super Bowl. Heroin is illegal, but oxycontin is something Rush Limbaugh pops like candy. Speed kills, but little Jimmy needs Adderall to function in school.

My intake of illegal drugs is not what it used to be. I grew tired of them. However, I can’t really claim the moral high ground. I need my coffee in the morning, and don’t mind a Diet Coke or twelve during the day. I like my adrenaline (hence the New York City address). Put blueberries, or cashews, or smoked almonds in front of me, and I’m incapable of leaving until they are all gone. We are all addicts of one thing or another.

If heroin were legal, we would tax it. Ideally, those taxes would be used to pay for those who find themselves addicted, but, let’s face it, that never happens. Instead, the money would inevitably go into the giant eddy of tax monies that disappear into one pocket or another. I don’t care. It’s still cheaper than supporting the Taliban.

In all the recent discussion about health care reform and the insurance industry, there was very little time devoted to peer pressure as a way to keep costs down. I think this is a mistake. The number of people who smoke has plummeted in my lifetime, largely because of peer pressure. In the same way, it’s in my interest for you to be healthy. Not only because you’re a good person who should have a long and satisfying life, but also because if you get sick, I have to pay for it. Maybe I’m not footing your actual bill, but my taxes support hospitals, and my insurance premiums go up. Similarly, if you eat unhealthy food, it costs me money. And if you use illegal drugs, you’re supporting terrorists.

In all of these cases, the worst thing we can do is to make something illegal. I don’t advocate outlawing cigarettes, or McDonald’s, or sloth. That would just make them cool, like drugs. Instead, let’s make it all legal, and talk sensibly about the risks.

In the process, we’ll seriously frustrate Bin Laden and his pals. That’s a buzz I’d like to make a habit.

Media Goddess Martha Thomases strongly recommends this book for the most sensible discussion of drugs in our society. She also recommends Volunteers by the Jefferson Airplane.