Complete Control, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise

April 24, 2010 Martha Thomases 0 Comments

On Monday night, my knitting group had trouble getting a table because our regular venue was so crowded.  When we could sit down, we discovered the problem: the place was full of European tourists, stranded by Iceland’s volcanic activity.  The couple next to us was having a great time.  They were on their honeymoon.  If they didn’t get back home in ten days (which is still by no means certain), they would lose their jobs.

There was nothing they could do.  They had no control over the situation.  They could not make the volcano stop.  They were happy.

Maybe this is a European thing.  Maybe it’s because they were young and in love.  In my experience, having no control over a situation (or not enough control) makes people insane.

Let’s consider a few examples:

•  I, personally, am going bonkers because I have no control over my schedule.  In the next year, family medical issues mean I’m going to have to get on a plane and fly across the country.  However, there is no way to predict when this will happen, or how long I’ll need to stay in this non-Manhattan environment.  I might even have to pay full fare!

• The Tea Party people are incredibly angry that their guy lost the last election.  They demand to “take their country back.”  Without speculating on whom they think has it now, I’d be willing to bet they think they were in charge at this other time to which they refer.  Perhaps they believe this because it’s what they saw on television, on shows like Leave It to Beaver or Father Knows Best. However, as someone who not only lived during that era but also watched television, I know it wasn’t like that.  Just tune into Make Room for Daddy (for example) and you’ll see that those nasty immigrants and show business elites were around even then.  We won’t even discuss The Goldbergs.

•  The Catholic Church, at least at the level of its hierarchy, is so worried about losing control over its people that it prefers to shelter pedophiles and other criminals rather than admit to mistakes.  I don’t think all priests are abusive and, in fact, if I were by some miracle a Catholic priest, I’d be outraged that the good work I was trying to do was being defamed by these criminals.  Instead of turning child abusers over to the law, the hierarchy has instead protected them.  This might be good corporate PR (as long as the cover-up holds),  but it’s lousy morality.  And this guy, while commendable in his willingness to resign (it’s more than most of his peers have done) should still be arrested.  The Church should insist.  It’s part of that whole rendering unto Caesar thing they’re always talking about.

It seems to be natural to try to impose order on our daily lives.  We get up at the same time nearly every day, eat our meals at the same time, often with the same people.  Offices and stores have schedules.  And yet, inevitably, these schedules are revealed to be arbitrary and random.  The earth will shake, or spit, and our efforts at order dissolve.  We can be as prepared as possible, we can get good grades, have money in the bank, avoid trans-fats and give to charity, but still we could get cancer, get hit by a car, or be pierced by a stray bullet.

It sucks, but the only sane response to having no control to do is surrender to it.  Here’s what you can control:  Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Be kind.

Media Goddess Martha Thomases’ knitting group meets from 7 PM to 9 PM every Monday.  Besides knitters, the group includes crocheters, artists, kvetchers and drinker.  Stop by if you are in the neighborhood.