Obama’s Supreme Court Nominee Rejected By Republicans, by Mike Gold – Brainiac On Banjo #168
May 3, 2010 Mike Gold 0 Comments
In a predictable fit of pique, the Republican hierarchy and their Randian doppelgangers today came out savagely against President Barack Obama’s supreme court pick.
Senate Republican Leader Mitch McConnell said “We all knew the President would appoint a socialist radical, but his selection of an outright revolutionary shows the utmost in contempt for the American people. This is a new low from a frightened, desperate and corrupt administration. Someday, President Obama will learn to act just like us, but our nation cannot afford to wait.”
House Republican Whip Eric Cantor added “To nominate an unmarried man to the highest court in the land clearly reveals Mr. Obama’s disgust for the institution of marriage and his outright hatred of American values. The American people clearly reject his choice for the Supreme Court, and will vote against anybody who would affirm this dangerous nomination.”
Minnesota Republican Congressman Michele Bachmann continued “The nominee doesn’t even wear shoes or a suit and tie! Obviously, that Obama thinks some sort of 1960s hippie reject is fit to be rammed down the throats of the American people! Only homosexuals look like that – who’s Obama trying to fool? Certainly, not the American people who vote for me!”
Professional Republican Sarah Palin stated “The American people will not stand for this act of insurrection! We need to target both of these individuals, as well as their handful of believers. It’s time to lock and load. I mean, gosh wow, is this Communism or what?” She then left the podium out of frustration, her speech only half-completed. A glove was spotted on one hand.
Finally, master weeper Glenn Beck cried “This is exactly what you’d expect from a man who was a camp follower to Ted Kennedy and Spider-Man. Obama’s pick of a character from South Park is in keeping with the left-wing agenda of both Adolph Hitler and Mr. Spock.”
The Supreme Court nominee, Jesus Christ, responded “Oh, to hell with these guys. I’ve put up with worse.”
The Arizona state legislature is considering a bill requiring Barack Obama to show his birth certificate to state officials if he runs for re-election. I strongly suggest you download the real thing at http://hyerstandard.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/bo_birth_certificate.jpg and e-mail it to the bill’s sponsor, Judy Burges, at jburges@azleg.gov.
Media metaphysician and www.ComicMix.com editor-in-Chief Mike Gold performs the weekly two-hour Weird Sounds Inside The Gold Mind ass-kicking bizarro music and blather radio show on The Point, www.getthepointradio.com, every Sunday at 7:00 PM Eastern, replayed three times during the week (check the website above for times). Likewise, his Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind political and cultural rants pop up each and every day at the same venue.
R. Maheras
May 3, 2010 - 9:37 am
Well, the partisan screaming is a tradition, is it not?
Besides, it’s the Democrats who have stomped their feet loudest about Supreme Court nominees during the past 40 years.
If we look at rejected or withdrawn Supreme Court nominees during that time frame, the Republicans have had five nominees blocked (Haynsworth, Carswell, Bork, Ginsberg and Miers), and the Democrats have had exactly ZERO.
In short, it’s the Democrats who have been the biggest obstructionists when it comes to nominees, so what are you complaining about?
I did find your made-up quotes funny, though!
Marc Fishman
May 3, 2010 - 9:49 am
I for one side with the republicans on this one. I mean Jesus? Really? The dude is all about “love thy neighbor” and “teach a man to fish feed him for a lifetime.”… Just not my style. I mean, I heard this guy is the life of the party (some kinda water to wine ratio thing) but really? He’s just a crappy jewish carpenter who’d be lucky to finish one damned chair or table before he pisses off one of his clients. I mean for what he charged my uncle to make some kitchen cabinets? Christ, for 30 silver, he should make the cabinets and be strung up by his hands! And to boot, do you know his mother said she was a virgin when he was born? Come on Mike. The republicans have this one right this time.
Plus, I much prefer THEIR choice for the nominee, Werewolf Von Hitlerbot 2.0.
Martha Thomases
May 3, 2010 - 11:22 am
@R: I believe that Harriet Meiers’ nomination was shot down by her fellow GOP. Even for the Bush Administration, she was profoundly unqualified.
R. Maheras
May 3, 2010 - 11:39 am
I agree she was a lousy choice, and, like many, I didn’t think Miers was qualified. Still… the Democrats jumped all over her nomination as soon as it was announced, just as they have done with every Republican nominee.
But, like I said, such initial indignation by the “other side” is normal ops these days.
Martha Thomases
May 3, 2010 - 1:18 pm
@R: In all the examples you cite, nobody objected to the nominee until that person was actually nominated. I think Mike’s point (not that he needs me to explain it for him) is that Republicans are now objecting without any names being put forward yet.
R. Maheras
May 3, 2010 - 2:21 pm
Well, if I were a betting man, I’d put my dough on Diane Wood. If she’s Obama’s pick, there won’t be much flack at all unless some long-lost dirt is suddenly uncovered.
Mike Gold
May 3, 2010 - 3:04 pm
Russ… well… yeah, but the Republicans were in the White House for 26 of those 40 years. That’s two-thirds to one-third.
Moreover, had you picked 42 years as your line in the sand instead of 40, you would have had two Democratic Supreme Court nominations that the Republicans blocked. Abe Fortas was nominated to take over the Warren Court; that was blocked. Not sure the Republicans gained much with that one since Warren hung on until Nixon was ensconced. Of course, with Fortas’ “promotion” blocked, LBJ’s nomination of Homer Thornberry had no place to go. The GOP essentially killed two birds with one stone. Well played.
None of which alters your point in the least.
Martha… actually, the point of my piece was “drink more Coca-Cola.”
R. Maheras
May 3, 2010 - 3:39 pm
Hey, guys, it’s being reported on both the Peter David web site, the Tony Isabella Message Board, and Harlan Ellison’s site that Alan Coil passed away of a heart attack on Friday. A friend of his, Paul Shiple, apparently confirmed. It’s sudden, sad and shocking.
He was 55. My condolences go out to all who knew him.
http://www.peterdavid.net/index.php/2010/05/02/can-anyone-confirm-this/#comments
http://www.comicscommunity.com/boards/tony/?read=219201
Jerome Maida
May 3, 2010 - 3:48 pm
Mike,
The current emphasis and “divisiveness” of Supreme Court nomination battles did not begin in earnest until Ted Kennedy’s In Robert Bork’s America” speech, in which he actually said his confirmation would lead to back-alley abortions and resegregated lunch counters. It waws pretty nasty stuff – which he wouldn’t be able rto get away with today, i don’t think.
Moreover, look at the vote totals for Ginsberg and Breyer. Both got over 90 votes, I believe. The Republicans played nice on those and where did it get them? A ridiculous number of votes against a manifestly qualified Roberts and FORTY-TWO against Alito, who the Dems tried to portray as a racist.
So now the Republicans are trying to show some backbone and say they’re not going to tolerate any radicals and THEY’RE the obstructionists? Give me a break.
Mike Gold
May 3, 2010 - 4:38 pm
A couple small problems, Jerome. Bork was a hard-core idealist who very well could have ended Row v Wade, which would (and still could) led to back-alley abortions. Don’t mourn for him, though. Bork got work from über-liberal Time Warner.
You might want to read some of Ginsberg’s speeches (supremecourt.gov). Some really good stuff there.
Oh, and Alito is a bigot. Sorry; his past speaks for itself. He honestly believes the individual states have the right to establish official religions. It’s on the record. But at least he’s got a sense of humor.
MOTU
May 3, 2010 - 10:02 pm
You know what really scares me? Take out JC and put in any person with a similar background and this is not satire it’s real.