30 Something, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise

July 30, 2010 Martha Thomases 0 Comments

The week ahead is a big one for me.  My son is coming home for a visit, which is always a big deal.  And Tuesday is my thirtieth wedding anniversary.

How does one stay married for 30 years?  I can only speak for myself, but here are my top ten tips for a durable marriage.  Most have nothing to do with sexual identity, and should work equally well for straight people, gay people, lesbians, and any other consensual combinations of adults.

10.  Share interests.  It helps a lot that we both like cartoons and comics and movies that are ridiculously funny.

9. Have your own interests.  Since we both work at home, it would be too easy for us to form some kind of closed system, where we never talk to anyone else.  Luckily, we each have activities we do on our own, or with our own friends, and thus we have new things to talk about.

8.  Remember, because it’s how you stay hot.  I remember when he had hair, and he remembers when I had a waist.

7.  Similarly, learn to tolerate your spouse’s substance abuse.  It’s only yarn!  I can stop any time!

6.  Pets!  Unlike children, pets still need you when they’re fully grown. When activity lags in our household, we see what our cat wants us to do.

5.   Go to bed angry.  I know all the experts tell you to resolve fights before you go to sleep, but some fights can’t get settled that quickly.  And once you’re tired and cranky, you only get more angry.  Lots of issues are less annoying in the morning.

4.  When your relatives criticize your spouse, always take his side.  You don’t have to defend bad behavior, but you do have to defend the relationship.  And the person.

3.  Don’t be afraid to disagree.  My husband has different opinions than I do about Israel, the WikiLeaks, and the Democratic party.  It’s okay for him to be wrong sometimes.

2. Acquire lots and lots of stuff.  Whenever I get mad enough to think about splitting, I look at all our books, and think how much trouble it would be to divide them up.  And then I decide that if books are more important than the argument, it’s not serious enough to cause a split.

1. Touch, hug, lick and smooch every day.  That’s what mammals do.

These have worked for me for three decades.  Tune in next year to see if they work for more.

Media Goddess Martha Thomases may have been married for 30 years, but the ceremony took place in utero.