Just the Motion, by Martha Thomases – Brilliant Disguise

August 14, 2010 Martha Thomases 0 Comments

I had thought to write a long, thoughtful column about the war of words over a recent law. During the debate, the conservatives moved the goalposts of the discussion so far to the right that they are now calling the public education system and the public police force “handouts” for special interests.  I mean, I understand that there are those who don’t like the unions that represent the workers in these fields, but do we really want to eliminate these services?  Are we so fixated on today’s bottom line that we don’t see a safe, educated populace as a public good?

But I don’t have the energy.

It’s the middle of August.  No one is getting any work done.  Well, no one that I know, anyway, and, really, does anyone else matter?

Instead of getting anything accomplished, I’m being driven mad by these annoyances:

•  Snooki gets paid more for being drunk and stupid for one season than most Americans earn in a decade.

• It’s almost impossible to fly from southern California to southern Florida (or vice versa) in a way that lets you land at a time convenient to modern life.  Do no Hollywood executives visit their parents?  Do they all have private planes? If so, could they lend one to my son so he can celebrate his grandfather’s birthday?

• How did we survive, as a people, before everyone had a cell phone?  It seems we must have all felt lost and abandoned, judging by the number of people on the street I hear, loudly discussing their current locations and ultimate destinations.  I guess we used to make plans and keep them.

• Someday, my hair will go from partially gray to completely white.  And then, maybe, I’ll be able to get a seat on the subway.

• If we’re going to have a “professional left” in this country, can someone besides the White House and MSNBC determine who that is?  For example, I’m extremely qualified, and I could use the job.

• Note to gossip columnists:  Reality television stars are not stars.  Please do not fill space with any “Real Housewives” that could be devoted to salacious details about people with actual talent.

And now that I’ve finished complaining, let me counter this crabbiness with the two most inspirational words in the English language:  air conditioning.

Media Goddess Martha Thomases looks forward to the fall, when people will return to work, and perhaps she will stop sweating.