Not In My Back Yard, by Mike Gold Brainiac On Banjo #189

September 27, 2010 Mike Gold 0 Comments

As faithful readers with fair memory retention know, I live in Norwalk Connecticut. It’s an amusing city of 83,000 residents with a per capita income of $31,781. We’re home to Pepperidge Farm, Priceline, Siemens and Xerox, and we’re in the northeastern corner of the New York metropolitan area a little more than 25 miles from the city.

If this entices you and you’d like to live in a nice three-bedroom (if one person is very, very small) duplex, please contact me privately.

Norwalk has made tremendous progress in paralleling the rest of the United States in the latest trend. We’re now attempting to deny 300 of our residents the right to worship as they choose. Yes, folks, the local Norwalk Muslims have the audacity to want to build a community center – you know, a mosque.

Before you ask, I’ll state that the site of this building is a mere 51 miles from the site of the World Trade Center. Is that too close, too soon, or both?

Nope. It’s too Muslim.

Many of my fellow Norwalkians say they don’t care about the religion, they say it will create neighborhood parking and traffic problems. That’s the new code phrase for “not in my back yard, towel-head.” Whenever a mosque is proposed anywhere in the country, that’s the response it receives. “Oh, we’re not bigots. We just can’t handle any more traffic.”

That’s hilarious. I’ve lived in Norwalk 22 years and I’ve never heard that pathetic excuse levied against a Christian institution. Never. In that time, we’ve built a Best Buy, a Home Depot and two Wal*Marts, and the least of them attracts more than 300 people each and every day.

“Our biggest concern is the traffic and safety. We all have to pass by here,” said Ray Mosser, who is a self-appointed spokesperson for the local bigots.

In compliance with zoning laws, the mosque will provide 89 parking spaces, sufficient for the 100 people expected to attend Friday prayer services each week. More are expected to attend during Eid al-Adha and Eid ul-Fitr; not at all unlike Jews and Christians who only show up at their holiest of holidays. But the congregation has pledged to hold two services on holidays to accommodate these concerns and will also hire a police officer to conduct traffic during Eid al-Adha.

Local resident Kathy Cossuto told the Stamford Advocate she is concerned about the proposed mosque’s minaret. “They’re putting this minaret up but they say they’re not going to put a horn on it,” Cossuto said. “Well, then why are they putting it up?”

Well, gee, Kathy. All those churches have crosses on them, but it’s been a while since any crucifixions were held. For the record, the minaret will not be equipped with a loudspeaker and calls to prayer will not be audible from outside the walls of the mosque.

Kathy babbled on to our local Hearst paper. “I don’t think it’s going to fit in with the area,” she said. “We have churches and synagogues in the area and that’s fine, but they blend in.” Well, at least she’s not going out for the annual Brotherhood award.

Right now, the Al Madany Islamic Center of Norwalk has been worshipping in a house. A month ago, the owner of that house received a phone call threatening him and his family.

“Freedom of religion” my hairy ass. This is America.

Fellow-traveler, anarcho-syndicalist and www.ComicMix.com editor-in-Chief Mike Gold performs the weekly two-hour Weird Sounds Inside The Gold Mind ass-kicking bizarro music and blather radio show on The Point, www.getthepointradio.com, every Sunday at 7:00 PM Eastern, replayed three times during the week (check the website above for times). Likewise, his Weird Scenes Inside The Gold Mind political and cultural rants pop up each and every day at the same venue.