Oh Yes He Did!!!, by Michael Davis – Straight No Chaser #183
September 3, 2010 Michael Davis 17 Comments
Before I get angry emails, NO I have not gotten to all the ‘friend’ requests on Facebook. YES, I will add you when I find you Jean. NO, I have not changed my mind it’s STILL a massive waste of time. YES, I now see reasons (besides handing someone a written beat down when they talk shit about me) for being on Facebook.
The following is a rant I wrote on Facebook with a few added rants. I wrote this in response to those people who blame Obama for everything.
I now blame the President of Ford every time a drunk driver kills someone while driving a Mustang. Here’s my idea- why doesn’t Obama fire every single person in the CIA, the FBI, the IRS, the CDC, FEMA, the New York Yankees, my sixth grade teacher, Bat-Man and the FUCKING EASTER BUNNY because clearly he’s responsible for all their fuck ups also.
NOW I know why my father left my mother before I was born… OBAMA! Shit, years of fucking therapy and the answer was RIGHT in front of me. Wow, I feel so free! OMG! My puppy that ran away when I was 10, my heart attack, the Titanic, 911, the common cold, Aids, porn, swine flu, the fucking HORRIBLE ENDING TO THE GODAMN SOPRANO’S!!!! ALL OBAMA!!!
Obama was behind the assassination of JFK, RFK, and MLK fuck it; Obama was behind every political assassination since Lincoln. Obama was born on Mars and married a woman from Venus. Obama worships Satan. Obama was not elected by 10 million votes; he voted ten million times under ten million different names. Obama has sex with goats…WHITE goats…ooooooooooo.
The following was just uncovered by Fox News…
Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I’m too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don’t have the passion anymore, and so remember, it’s better to burn out than to fade away.
Peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain
P.S. Obama made me do it
I’m as elitist as Gandhi, but I say this without reservation I’m fucking a lot smarter than the stupid motherfuckers that believe all this shit.
Speaking of reservations Obama’s mother was an Indian voodoo princess from Russia.
Martha Thomases
September 3, 2010 - 7:46 am
Personally, I’m still blaming Reagan.
Vinnie Bartilucci
September 3, 2010 - 8:41 am
“First rule of management – EVERYTHING is your fault”
If Obama expected anything other than what he’s getting when he got this job, he’s far stupider than any of the claims his detractors are making. He’s not the first president to get blamed for everything up to and including the antenna issues on the iPhone (perhaps he’s just holding the country wrong), and he’ll not be the last.
Blame it on both diminished and inflated expectations – some truly thought he was going to walk in and solve the country’s ills with a wave of his hand, some thought he stood no chance, and some are making SURE he has no chance. And it’s got far more to do with partisan politics than any other reason that people care to posit on the TV.
So many people claim that he simply wasn’t ready for the job, but as screamingly funny comic Patrice Oneal said on O&A, “What day do they have the ‘oil spill’ class at President School?” There will always be things that pop up at your job that aren’t in the manual, things that will take time to fix, things that will cause the list of goals you typed up to get pushed to the side. And at the slightest sign of hesitation, failure or simple rejiggering (note spelling) of one’s schedule, the Other Side will sweep in, declaring the entire term a failure.
Don’t let the other team score a point, don’t let them have an assist on one of your scores, make sure that when the election rolls around, you’ll have lots of of ammunition, things you can say they didn’t do or got wrong. It’s getting to the point that soon the levers in the voting booth will simply read “Not the Democrats” and “Not the Republicans”.
Our local talk radio station had a poll up: “How well do you think President Obama is doing so far?” Good idea for a poll. Problem – they were running it on January 4th, 2009, two weeks BEFORE he took office.
Yes, there were and are people who want him to fail. Rush made it quite clear he did. But to be fair (what the hell), Rush made it clear that he wanted Obama’s PLANS to fail, or at least what he believed those plans to be, since, again, he said before any plans were actually announced.
Considering the challenges of the position, I’m beginning to think that like a plane crash, any presidency you can walk away from is a good one.
Jonathan (the other one)
September 3, 2010 - 9:07 am
I have to confess, I was beginning to wonder during the whole Gulf of Mexico mess if some of the President’s critics honestly believed that Obama could just open up his secret closet, pull out the glowing green ring the Guardians of Oa gave him, and go fix the blown-out gusher a full mile under the ocean’s surface himself (with the help of his VP Arthur “Joe Biden” Curry, of course…). That seemed to be the gist of some of those demands, after all.
Steve
September 3, 2010 - 9:17 am
I think that we are taking our lead from the President, he and his staff blame everything on former President Bush.
Vinnie Bartilucci
September 3, 2010 - 9:52 am
I enjoyed listening to Bush’s detractors talk as if he personally had say over the price of oil, and how he “made” it come down just before the elections. As if behind a curtain in the Oval Office sits the Secret Price Of Oil Lever, which he’d nudge one way or the other as he saw fit.
It’s all part of the same idea; anything bad that happens in the government is really the last guy’s fault, everything good is based solely on your work. the assumptions are simply reversed if you’re the party out of power.
Mike Gold
September 3, 2010 - 10:30 am
The Yankees? Hell, he should fire everybody on the Mets first.
I think Barack should go on live teevee and pull a Palin.
“My fellow Americans, today my agent Ari Emanuel negotiated a bona fide offer to play for the Chicago Bulls. They will pay me $25 million, which is a million more than LaBron. So, after careful deliberation I have decided if I’m going to take mindless shit I might as well take mindless money and play roundball for a living.
“So thanks for electing me the first black president, and I look forward to seeing you at the United Center, if you can afford a ticket, you hypocritical rich white assholes. God bless America, and go fuck yourself!”
Mike Gold
September 3, 2010 - 10:35 am
Steve — It’s Washington’s fault. I mean GEORGE Washington.
Obama’s people blame Bush, Bush’s people blame Clinton (they still do), Clinton’s blame the first Bush and Reagan (the one who puked at the Japanese prime minister’s feet), Reagan’s people blamed Carter. Carter couldn’t blame Ford, but his peeps nailed Nixon the way you shoot ducks in a barrel. And so on and on to George Washington.
Come to think on it, George Washington blamed King George. So I’ve got to revise my statement: I blame that first fucking fish that crawled onto land. Douglas Adams had it right: we should go back to the seas.
I already quoted The Kinks’ Apeman.
MOTU
September 3, 2010 - 1:31 pm
Vinnie said,
“If Obama expected anything other than what he’s getting when he got this job, he’s far stupider than any of the claims his detractors are making.’
I have no idea what Obama expected, I’m talking about what the American expect. I know that people would attack him but CLEARLY this level of viciousness and downright BULLSHIT is out of control.
He’s NOT born here?
He’s a Muslim?
He hates white people?
Death Panels?
States passing laws requiring him to prove his citizenship?
There are always rumors, but this is level of stupidity reported on outlets like FOX and the like is just fucking racist.
Why the fuck did we not have a state requiring Bush prove he wasn’t retarded?
MOTU
September 3, 2010 - 1:34 pm
Here’s the above post with the missing words. I was thinking faster than I was typing. Sorry.
Vinnie said,
“If Obama expected anything other than what he’s getting when he got this job, he’s far stupider than any of the claims his detractors are making.’
I have no idea what Obama expected, I’m talking about what the American PEOPLE expect. I know that people would attack him but CLEARLY this level of viciousness and downright
BULLSHIT is out of control.
He’s NOT born here?
He’s a Muslim?
He hates white people?
Death Panels?
States passing laws requiring him to prove his citizenship?
There are always rumors, but this is level of stupidity reported on outlets like FOX and the like is just fucking racist.
Why the fuck did we not have a state LAW requiring Bush prove he wasn’t retarded?
Vinnie Bartilucci
September 3, 2010 - 2:17 pm
“this is level of stupidity reported on outlets like FOX and the like is just fucking racist.”
I gotta disagree. It’s not “just” racist. This is more of the same. The amount of this being based solely on race is a small percentage. And very little of it hasn’t been seen before.
In 1960 people claimed that JFK being a Catholic meant he’d be taking orders from the Vatican. They didn’t even HAVE to make up a religion issue. While they haven’t had too many chances to question citizenship (tho I seem to recall that it has been played before – I may be insane on that), they’ve played the residency card plenty of times. Hilary was called a carpetbagger when she moved to NY solely to run for Senator. She replied by showing up at a fundraiser carrying a carpetbag. And to claim that a politician hates one race or group or another is as old as the hills. The Death Panel is not too far past endless Democrat commercials claiming that the republicans were going to shut down Welfare and Social Security as soon as they have the power to do so. They never address what’s stopped them from doing it all the times they DID have the power to do so, but the facts don’t apply when making claims like this. You don’t have to PROVE anything, you only have to make people SUSPECT it long enough.
There are absolutely people who are against him solely on race. Very few, if any, of them are in a position of power, other than being able to vote. The vast, vast majority of the motivation behind these attacks and innuendos is partisan based. They’re absolutely using race, and the fear of same, as a tool, but that’s just the easiest move to play. It’s an Indy’s Gun decision – why put together a 10-point manifesto against the opposing party’s platform when you can just convince people he’s a kid-toucher?
yes, it’s out of control. Yes, there should be a modicum of “OK, he won, let’s at least try and make the next four years somewhat productive” on the table. But Republicans are getting back at the Democrats for eight years of incessant attacks on Bush the Younger. And that’s only going to make the Democrats as rabid to do the same to the next Republican president. And the system will slowly grind to a halt until, God willing, someone comes along who can get both sides to at least put one weapon down so they can shake hands and form a nervous truce.
No, I don’t buy it either.
MOTU
September 3, 2010 - 4:03 pm
Vinnie,
I say this with true respect and affection for you my friend, its racist.
You and all the people who are part of the MDW community have the smarts to realize that there are deeper levels to everything.
To a great deal of people who just WATCH the news these attacks are all true and ring of racism. Why?
Because they saw it on TV.
If you are a young black girl or boy who sees images of the first black President portrayed as a monkey among other racist images that is racism.
To your point that ‘very few’ people are against Obama because of his race, that may be true. But when the vast majority of the conservative leadership does not say it but does NOT denounce it either-THAT’S racist.
I
MOTU
September 3, 2010 - 7:57 pm
Mike,
WTF was I thinking, firing the Yankees? Man, I’ve GOT to cut down on the pipe.
John Tebbel
September 4, 2010 - 5:19 am
It’s racist. It’s double secret racist. And, oh yes, the rich are different from you and me in that they hate and fear the poor more than anything else in the world.
Mike Gold
September 4, 2010 - 10:29 am
Taking your comment at face-value for no particular reason, John, I think the rich hate and fear the people who are going to take away the money they COULD make and give it to the poor.
They don’t fear the poor. They need the poor. Who else is going to work for minimum wage?
Oh, yeah. Illegal immigrants.
MOTU
September 4, 2010 - 7:19 pm
I was rich once, Obama took my money…and kicked my dog on the way out.
Twice.
John Tebbel
September 5, 2010 - 6:03 am
Mike, Now I’m not sure. I do know I’ve never been in a car with a rich person who locked the doors when we drove past a politician.
On the other hand, the luxe marques all lock automatically these days, so there’s one less reflex to polish.
Wait, I just heard a funny noise outside. Probably just ol’ Joe Biden, but I better make sure . . .
Mike Gold
September 5, 2010 - 7:29 am
That’s Joe looking for a new job. I think Hilary’s gonna get his current one.