California Up In Smoke, by Arthur Tebbel – Pop Art #96

October 5, 2010 Arthur Tebbel 0 Comments

Dear Art,
This week I signed a controversial bill into law.  In California possession of marijuana has been downgraded from a misdemeanor to an infraction.  This is the same level of seriousness as a speeding ticket.  The measure was designed to reduce court costs as infractions do not carry with them a right to a trial.  While I supported this bill I remain opposed to Proposition 19, a ballot measure that would legalize marijuana and allow for it to be taxed.  I have said that passing Prop 19 would make California a “laughingstock.” Do you think, as many of my critics do, that these positions are incompatible?  What should I be doing about drug policy during my lame duck period?
-Arnold Schwarzenegger, Governor, State of California

Arnold,
I think your biggest problem is your assumption that California is not already some kind of national laughing stock or that you didn’t play a big part in us getting there.  Leaving aside that you’re an actor; even that you’re an actor who has played Danny DeVito’s twin brother.  Your continuous pissing contests with the state legislature has left us completely broke.  The DMV can’t afford to be open on Fridays in the summer.  What third world shit is that?  I want you to know that shit doesn’t help the line volume.

I don’t want you to get a complex about that actor thing.  You’re definitely in the top three actors to ever hold statewide office in California. Between you, Ronald Reagan, and George Murphy I’d probably take your film catalogue.  Probably give an Oscar to Murphy.  I might be shafting Reagan here but he got to be President and wreck the country for an entire decade.

Sorry, didn’t mean to get sidetracked that severely.  Are you a hypocrite?  Yes but only a little.  The DEA and the courts have been pretty consistent that states cannot legalize marijuana.  That could well be what you meant by laughing stock. The DEA, under the Obama administration, has backed way off on busting medical marijuana dispensaries, and those are illegal in the same way.  You’ve publicly called for debate on legalizing marijuana but don’t think it should be passed.  I think the ballot initiative process is what passes for debate in this state, that and endless venomous political ads.  I think what you really mean is that it might make you a laughing stock.  After all the other shit that’s gone down during your tenure it’ll be capped off with you legalizing pot.  Suck it up and deal.

This isn’t to say you shouldn’t be commended for the good you’ve done on this issue.  The court costs associated with misdemeanor marijuana cases were apparently rather extreme.  African-Americans accounted for two-thirds of marijuana arrests, which, lacking any actual statistics on the matter, certainly sounds, fucked up.  That said maybe making it like a speeding ticket and not legalizing it is a bad idea.  I know a lot of people, myself included, who don’t partake in some legal drugs; I don’t know anyone who doesn’t speed.